Contrary to popular belief….circumstances are neutral.

Circumstances are the things outside our control.

Why would this be so powerful to know?

Have you ever had something happen in your life that you had no control over and it seemed like that was the reason you felt an emotion whether it was good or bad?

I remember when I went to a carnival for the first time. I was so excited because everything was bright and fun and tasty. Now that I’m older that doesn’t not appeal to me at all. I don’t want to go to carnivals. I don’t like to. I think everything is grungy, dim and the food is full of grease. It’s not for me and I don’t want to change that thought.

That is a great example of the circumstance staying the same and my thinking about it or my thoughts about it changing. They are the same rides, stuffed animals, lights, people and food as it always was. I just changed my thinking around it.

Some people say…if the circumstance is neutral doesn’t that take the fun out of things?

Not at all.

I think it helps me to have a richer life.

I know that my circumstance is neutral. So if I lose my job or if someone I love passes away that its a neutral circumstance. IT’s something that happened and it is what it is. When I lose my job I want to feel disappointed by that. I know that I have all the control over my thinking and in return I have all the control over my feelings. So I can be thinking…that’s a bummer…and I may want to think that for a while and feel a bit down.

Then I have the control…when I’m ready…to think something like. I wonder how this might be better. I wonder what possibilities this will encourage me to dig into. This new thought may lead me to feel excited or curious instead.

I know that I control my thinking and then I have control and an understanding around my emotions.

I don’t feel like I’m at the mercy of some random acts in life and some random thoughts that I can’t manage and some emotions that I have no control over.

I get to choose it all.

When I lost a loved one. I was willing to and wanted to feel sad. Knowing that it was my choice to feel hurt and sadness helped me to embrace that emotion like it’s supposed to be there. I didn’t fight it and try to run away from the emotion like I had in the past. It was what I wanted to feel at that time. I knew I could feel anything else if I wanted to but I wanted to miss the person. I wanted to think that it was unfair that I don’t get to see that person anymore. I wanted to hurt. When I was ready I got to the thought that this is exactly how it was supposed to happen.

How do we know that?

Because it did and there’s no point in arguing with the past. I’ve learned that I lose every time I try to argue with what happened. Nothing in the past ever changes. So if I fight it I just struggle.

The past is a circumstance.

So when I am ready… I move to thoughts that I like.

Some sound like “I’m sure they’re in a better place.” “I will see them again someday.”

I hope I’m driving home the point well enough.

It’s basic. If you want to know what is and isn’t a circumstance then ask yourself. Is it fact? Is it boring? Is it in the past? Does it have to do with what someone else did or said?

If there’s emotion in the sentence when describing it then it’s not a circumstance. It’s a thought.

We often think that the circumstances aren’t neutral. Like they cause us to feel things.

They don’t.....