The term 'codependency' was born out of AA about friends and family who could hurt someone's recovery by "over-helping". Dr. Menije Boduryan-Turner talks with us about how codependence is found both in- and outside abuse, how the roles of family members in addiction play a part in codependency, how it comes out of all forms of abuse, we can find ourselves overly investing in a relationship (that's codependence), how once you are exposed to abuse you are wired differently, codependency doesn't exist in healthy relationships, being able to let go of codependence with compassion (thank you for trying to keep me safe), learning codependence from childhood as a survival mechanism, recognizing subtle abuses (anger, manipulation), a relationship is a relationship and if both/all parties aren't working on it, it won't get better, BOOK REC: FAIR PLAY: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky, inconsistent contributions, sibling dynamics/birth order, feeling responsible, setting boundaries, divorcing family, stigma/judgment/shame, choosing your health and happiness, living an authentic life, making decisions for yourself, BOOK REC: TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing  by Bronnie Ware, not living your life based on what other people think/want/believe, using social media intentionally, society shame, not knowing when to walk away, toxic optimism, not wanting to fail, grieving the loss of the wish/vision, the failing of the dream, understanding you didn't deserve the abuse, have compassion for yourself, what does an apology change and why wait for one before going forward, self-validate, perfectionism and codependency, pressure of caring for someone in addiction, no one gets healthy in codependency, enabling, the person who is codependent is getting sicker too, the urgency trap, being addicted to being needed, relationship addiction, low self-esteem, how many group chats are you in, codependence as a form of control, Intervention, the dynamic and the damage, culture and religion's roles, difficulty walking away, short-term pain for long-term gain,  leaky buckets, can't pour from an empty cup, connecting with others who understand your journey, figure out what works for you, have conversations to set boundaries, being your healthiest self, feel and own your feelings, redefining relationship dynamics, setting limits with love, CODA or Al-Anon meetings for support if therapy isn't available/affordable, BOOK REC: CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melody Beattie, BOOK REC: FINDING BALANCE: 12 Priorities for Interdependence and Joyful Living by Terry Kellogg, it's not selfish to want to be healthy or put yourself first, medicine doesn't always taste good, aversion to discomfort, going to the gym and feeling sore...with mental health, we don't look for that soreness, breaking to breakthrough, don't worry about not being able to handle it (you'll have/find support), you are capable of courageous things, being resilient.

Episode recorded on 07/23/21

Episode released on 08/25/21

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Music: Shower Beer by GG Riggs