file successfully added to recycle bin by Colin Verdon

I got caught up in my own web again

Had to chew off my own leg

No desperate thoughts, just a calm head

Whole redefined, down one piece

Sad definition of heaven:

Distance from pain

I’m mean

I’ll never understand

You beat yourself right out of your skin

I’m miles away

hammering nails into both my hands

Just take my fucking head and flush it

For all the good it does me

put it on a pike

For all the shit it causes

How best to give good rest

to persistent thoughts

that won't relent:

To possess and exist

You put your fucking hands on my face

Tell me I can’t do this I swear I can

just please don’t Let go of me

I’m mean

I’ll never understand

But who wants you to win?

Who puts the pillow to your head?

And who buries you next to the sink

underneath your toilet again?

Someone talked through the best part

You'll have to start again

Someone talked through the best part

Rewind the tape back to its head

I miss it but I'm glad it's over

Got one less mess I'm forced to shoulder

Got one less stress that’s hanging over me

It was there in that place, alone in my box

I learned there's a reason

that things are better left untaught

Closure is not my concern

Burned out. It leaked out. I learned

When I think of what most fucking people like

I take the journey right to hell

I eat the food right off the shelves

As my intestines beg and plead

"please, God, forgive me!"

And it’s all the same,

Another way to spend my days

Another way to forestall all these fucking

Creeping thoughts of rotting in the grave

When I think of what most people like,

I leave the material realm behind

And float past the garden of delights

I want me all to yourself

Fists swing wild out to everyone else

I want you to never yell

Tithe

Please stay here and keep watch with me

Cashed out all of the spirit in me

An unoriginal story

Full of tropes, near-parody

Full-on ugly feelings

I understand the pull of it all

When a loss won't stop itching

It tears you down

Brings you right to the floor

Peer review

Peer review

I handled that poorly

Please look the other way

While the hook guides me offstage

what a loss by Colin Verdon

All the people I love are dead

You have to scare what you want to protect

Reject reject reject take my hand

Let me teach you all I know about regret

All this pain inside

But I know all this pain can’t be mine

A sense you’re calling

My healthy thoughts sputter and stall and

I tear the skin back

And let you in

Some things been holding me down again

It makes its way through my arms and I’m asleep

I give control.

I watch it live out my whole life

I don’t deserve anymore

“ cut it out with the introspection. The mind is a den of scorpions better left running from, not towards.”

I’m swimming in chains now

I won’t reach out

Some things been holding me down again

It makes its way through my arms and I’m asleep

I give control.

I watch it live out my whole life

I don’t even want anymore

Tactile sensation

Carpet kiss my cheek

Drool moistening my face

My stiff legs are asleep

I don’t want to move

I give in

I’m a ghost

And I weigh down everything

I’m a ghost

And I weigh down everyone

Tactile sensation

Carpet kiss my cheek

Drool moistening my cheek

My stiff legs are asleep

I don’t want to move

I give in

I give in

I give in…

Nothing nice in there

I talk fast and you just stare

Nothing kind inside

I spit and snarl and writhe

The bomb explodes

Pieces of you

Pieces of me

High pressure crowd control

There is a reason

that it hurts like this

Lunch in the park

Ruined for us by nagging thoughts

That bug crawled in deep

It chirps and clicks

And limits sleep

A sense you’re called

Healthy thoughts

Sputter and stall

Out, in, and out again until

It pricks the skin

I bleed it out, let it go

You were tongue exposed

When you’re turned on

I won’t see you that thrilled

You catch a glimpse of my head

Of this sad fucked worked that it’s missed

A plume of smoke

Surrounds us both again

I watched you fall

Into the crowd

It limits me from everything

That I want to know

And when you’re gone

I won’t feel the same again

High pressure time bomb

Going off in my head

A sense you're called

Healthy thoughts sputter and stall

Day out and out again

It tears the skin

so full of that hate you earned

I live in the shadow of the whip

and await what I deserve

I deserve this

everything wrong and rotten survives

everything we think we know is a lie

Fell, tripped up the stairs to this place

Primal winds come and blow me away

I’m swimming in chains, now

I won’t reach out

Something’s been fucking holding me down

It’s made it’s way through my arms

Im asleep, I’ve lost all control

Wake up. I watch it live out my life

I dont deserve it anymore

I don’t deserve it

Your eyes like old plates

Dull and wide and webbed with veins

You lose your thought

Tongue exposed when you're turned on

I see you thrilled

And that swell of joy, it lasts until

We catch a glance

Of this sad fucked world

I’m asleep, I’ve lost control

I watch it live my life

I dont deserve it anymore

A plume of smoke around us now

Hands locked on our long walk home

Im asleep, I’ve lost control

All the people I love are dead

You have to scare what you want to protect

Reject reject

Take my hand, let me teach you about regret

All of this pain inside

But all this pain ain’t mine

I will live this life forever

Until I dream of something better

When we go, we go together x2

Dismiss and deny

I’m a stray dog running wild

Further down the dark is absolute

But further down you go

It’s only me and you

What can I know

The passion that makes me feel alive again

It’s going to be the death of me

Done evolving

And we feel no shame

Spare only the ones I love

And make me pay

I wake up in an empty house

again and again and again

I am a ghost

And I weigh down everything

Pushed all the ones I love

right through the pavement

How many times do I have to say I’m sorry

There is a trace amount

of that warmth that I found

Keeps me from freezing over

I still find it throughout

I know what you said

It’s been months since you left

Pinched my throat

And stood on my fucking chest

Throw away your phone it’s just useless

Throw away your computer it’s useless

Well here’s some fucking advice

Don’t ever leave the house

Stay alone and grouse

Avoid all all the crowds

I don’t know how

I miss it but I’m glad it’s gone

One less stress for me to have and shoulder

I miss it but I’m glad it’s over

Got one less stress for me to shoulder