it's all good and I'm noticing things about my communication some of the videos I'm a little bit more humorous some of them flow a lot better some of my talk for a lot longer without a break between what I'm talking about which could be a blip in the video or a blip in the video could be because I coughed or said the words really wrong I could just keep going but I decided that I would stop and then say the word over so that I could come back later and edit it so gone through and I've done a lot of editing and done a lot of editing and I think I'm ready for the next iteration of whatever it is that I want to say and I was even thinking that maybe at some point I won't even feel like I need to talk about this anymore because at least I've said it into videos I've made it into videos and I could just move on i could just drop it and whether or not i ever release the videos to the public or not it doesn't matter what matters is just that I got to say it I've got to I just think it would say it out loud and then revisit it and watch it and and I almost came up with oh did it again I'm I almost came up with a lot more insights based on just listening to what I was saying so while I was talking I had ideas of what I wanted to say but when I was expanding on those ideas i came up with new ideas and then watching myself speak i actually came up with ideas beyond some of the ideas that i said or new ways to tie them together so it was like the next integration the next evolution and it almost feels like now I've entered into this space where I'm just constantly learning from myself from that other communication that comes through and it almost feels like maybe I never need to read another book again and some of the stuff that I speak about has a background in some of the stuff that I've read and some of it doesn't but it almost some of it the book stuff is actually confirmed by my experience so then I refer to the book stuff because of that because basically and that's another thing I say a lot basically because I need more words for basically but and also i can say maybe because maybe those people have done sort of the science and i have this experience and i read those books and then I had this experience and now I'm relating my experience back to the books on what the books were saying so maybe the books and things I read primed the experience but it's just interesting after like doing all this reading and then having these experiences and being in rogers and retrospect being able to be like wow that really resonates with all the things i've read yet my experience by society is interpreted as a mental illness and i don't really see it that way as you know if you've watched some of my videos but it's okay to also include that I I do feel like it is partly true say like one or two percent true in that and it could be more percent true because that's the truth that people behold within their relational minds about that concept or suppose in fact people see it as a mental illness and that's why to me through these conversations and logs with myself just getting that energy in motion into sound words thoughts new means it could actually perhaps help to change the relational mine or change the way we relate and talk about these experiences and I have no idea if that's true but I don't know what the alternative is the alternative seems to be something really slow there's a lot of great people doing a lot of great work out there and I don't know of anyone who just starts talking with themselves into a camera about it and posting it and i don't know if i will post it the reason I'm saying this is because I feel like these perspectives might resonate with a lot of people and maybe I'll share a thousand different perspectives or a thousand different ways of thinking about it and it's not about saying that these thousand ways are right maybe they're all wrong the point is that i am thinking about it differently i'm thinking for myself about