This episode dives into what it is to create shared leadership that centers ethics, community values, consent forward practices, and repair after harm in community and sex positive spaces. I had a chat with Jules Purnell last year after meeting them during a peer professional gathering online for intimacy professionals. Their take on how to hold the complexities of both harm and repair in the same space while finding solutions to expand community rather than pull it apart caught my attention.

SHOW NOTES:

• Intro: Meet Jules

• Working as a sexuality educator, focusing on supporting queer and trans survivors of sexual harm.

• From crisis support to hands-on healing work through surrogate work and intimacy coaching.

• Exploring the importance of emotional experiences in learning

• Significance of human connection and emotional expression in deep personal growth and healing.

• Intersectionality and the creation of unique identities vs. stacking different aspects of identity.

• Intersectionality impact on people’s experiences and access to self-expression

•  Creating spaces for people to connect emotionally to find a sense of liberation

• Safety in community spaces and personal growth

• Developing internal safety within oneself with intersectionality and hidden aspects of identity such as disability and trauma.

• Self-trust in healing and personal development, especially when exploring new lifestyles or experiences

• Intensity in BDSM scenes and significant emotional drop

• Slut-shaming by a friend and isolation

• Building self-trust and starting slowly in BDSM experiences

• Exploring how people on a more liberated path may face negativity from others who haven’t unlearned their own shame

• Restorative justice as an approach to address harm, trauma, or violence by attempting to make things right and applying to various situations, from personal conflicts to more serious harms, particularly focusing on sexual harm in her practice.

• Acknowledgment that everyone has both hurt others and been hurt, adopting a restorative lens in daily life, and developing a practice of apologizing and repairing relationships when necessary

• Complexities of sex, relationships, and emotional connection

• Challenges of navigating consent, communication, and emotional vulnerability in sexual encounters, particularly in hookup culture

• Emotional expression, including crying during sex, and feeling safe with a partner to fully express oneself

• Lack of emotional care in casual connections

• Honesty, naming intentions and capacity for commitment

•  Misleading another, miscommunication or subtle consent violations and reflect on one’s own role and clarity of intentions

• Complexities of consent and communication in relationships

• Creating space for honest conversations about personal desires and boundaries,

• Spectrum of consent and self awareness in navigating intimacy and sex

• Personal growth in sexual experiences

• Pushing boundaries, self-discovery, growth, and expansion with psychological readiness and aftercare

• Intimate play parties, closing ceremonies, and aftercare.

• Restorative practices for alt sex and kink spaces

• Education and facilitated dialogue for those who have violated boundaries and/or been harmed.

• Humility, nuance in personal truths, and healing

• Inclusive spaces that focus on ethos and behavior vs. strict identity requirements

About Jules:

Jules Purnell, M.Ed. is an AASECT certified Sexuality Educator, Restorative Justice facilitator and practitioner, and emerging hands-on Intimacy Coach. Their educational background and expertise includes LGBTQIA+ cultural inclusion and awareness, BDSM/kink, and ethical non-monogamy. They have received training in Sensate Focus from the Integrative Mind Body Therapies and have presented for the Surrogate Partner Collective. They have been featured on podcasts such as NPR’s Life Kit, Sex Ed In Color, Loving Without Boundaries, and more. Their writing has been featured in Trans Bodies, Trans Selves and Sex Meets Life, as well as many others. They currently teach as a lecturer in Sociology and will be entering into a PhD program for Social Justice Education in the Fall of 2025.

Find + connect with Jules:

Web: julesmpurnell.com

Substack: substack.com/@jmpurnell

LinkedIn: Linkedin.com/in/julesmpurnell

Stay connected with us:

LET’S GO SLOW. LET’S GET DEEP.Work with me:slowdeep.co

Instagram:https://instagram.com/slowdeep.co

Questions, comments or topic requests/suggestions: email euni at [email protected]

Audio engineered by Miko Aguilar, Music by Qolaj

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