It's great when things are going well with your child and between you and her. These good times are when you can instruct, direct, check-in, and offer teachable moments. When your child is in a funk, however, use active listening to hone in on her feelings and to help her sort them out. Active listening is the way to be there for her, helping her sort through all of her feelings and helping her work on getting through her stuff. It's not about judging, criticizing, or even solving the problems for her. It's about listening, really good, for her feelings and sharing back with her what you think is going on, so she can problem solve. In such a way, you really connect with her, leading to a valued teachable moment.