Outrage begets outrage, insult invites retaliation.

I have often spoken pejoratively about middle-aged white men. But really, older white women are getting to me. And I am an older white woman. No doubt I recognize in these women behaviors which I have either done or do, or cultural expectations we should all have jettisoned long ago that many of us still carry.

Social media has monetized outrage, so everyone seems to be easily offended. And it’s tiresome from everyone. But it does seem like older white women have perfected the outrage over personal discomfort. Why do we think that public spaces should be run according to our standards? That we, alone, should be in charge of who sits where, what activities they participate in in public spaces, the volume level or whatever else doesn’t suit?

I’ve seen many people, regardless of age or gender, try to be in control of circumstances over which they have no control. It’s very challenging behavior in a work setting. Often, the people who are doing it already have that tendency – they are managers for a reason, they are used to managing people, getting them to do certain things. In large ways or small, the most effective people in a workplace are probably tasked with making sure certain things happen in a certain way at a certain time.

Often people with really dysfunctional families will resort to trying to control the people and circumstances around them. I don’t like the phrase “control issues” because it is always pejorative, usually aimed at women, and never takes into account the nuances I just outlined – for some people, control is their job, and for other people control is a defense mechanism that they will need help to unwind.

But if you have control issues, here are some suggestions.

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