The Coshcast is back after a weekend that saw more fake penalties than Donald Trump is imposing on Vladimir Putin.

Where else to start but White Hart Lane where it was the story of the Alli-Kane, Goodison Park where Chelsea looked anything but homesick blues, Old Trafford where the Swans leave United blowin' in the wind and Teeside, as City look shaky enough to be the Tambourine man.

Elsewhere there's a touch of La Liga where Marcelo rains on Valencia's Parejo, Serie A where the Laziale win the Derby della Capitale and we stay local to discuss Toronto FC's 2-0 victory over Houston and the dampest performance by a Texan since Tila Tequila in…

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