Letter from the trenches

Dear couples,
I’m stoked to share my current obsession, probably because it applies to the stage of life our family is in right now. Our culture has some skewed expectations about the spark or heat in our love relationships after we have kids. People feel all sorts of pressure to keep up with these expectations, and if anything’s gonna kill the love buzz, it’s pressure. Esther Perel is a Psychotherapist known around the world for her transformational work with couples, and recently she’s released a course for couples wanting to rekindle their desire for one another. I took this course so I can share some of her key nuggets of wisdom with the clients I work with. Her approach can literally revive connections between partners who have lost that “lovin’ feelin’” after having children or after falling into patterns that leave them feeling disconnected, bored, and flat. If you want to rediscover your passion for one another and don’t know how, have a listen to this episode to get a taste of what can happen if you invest in reconstructing your relationship, and ways to go about it.

Join me and let the passion re-ignite!

Here's a sample of some of the questions Esther invites us to answer in her Rekindling Desire course, which you can find here

1. Every morning this week, take 5 minutes to write down something you appreciate about your partner, 1 thing you’ll do today to convey attention to your relationship, and 1 think you will do today to connect with your personal sensuality. Share your responses with one another.
2. What messages did I receive from family/community growing up about sex and sexuality? What about relationships?
3. Write down one request from one another under the following verbs:
   1. ASK - one think you want to ask your partner for
   2. TAKE - one thing you want to take/receive from your partner that gives you pleasure
   3. GIVE - one this you want to give your partner that brings them pleasure
   4. RECEIVE - one thing you will allow yourself to receive from what your partner offers you
   5. REFUSE - one thing you want to refuse
   6. SHARE - one thing you would like to share with your partner, emotionally or physically.

I'd also encourage you to spend 10 min listening to this TEDtalk by Emily Nagoski, the author of a book I mentioned in an earlier episode on burnout. You can find it here