School is supposed to help us become who we’re meant to be… but for a lot of us, it’s where we first learn what it feels like to not belong. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt alone in a room full of people—and still had to show up the next day.

Today we’re talking about school—not grades, not test scores, not the “typical” stress. We’re talking about the real stuff: identity, mental health, social pressure, and what it takes to keep going when your cup is already full before first period even starts.

I (Ileini) share what it’s been like navigating school as a mixed-race student, through the weirdness of middle school, the intensity of high school, and the ripple effects of the pandemic years—while also trying to survive the pressure to “just keep going.”

And I (Ashley) share what it’s been like parenting through it… learning when to step in, when to step back, and how to advocate when systems don’t know what to do with a kid who’s hurting.

This conversation is a little lighter than some of our past episodes—but it’s still real. And if you’ve ever needed help but felt scared to ask for it… we’re right there with you.

Key Themes + Takeaways

School can be a mirror—and when you already feel different, it can amplify everything (identity, belonging, confidence).

Microaggressions and exclusion are real, and they don’t always look dramatic—but they leave marks.

The pandemic changed social development for a lot of students: connection, emotional regulation, and just learning how to be around people again

Asking for help is a skill—and it’s not weakness. It’s evidence you care about yourself and your future.

Just because other students aren’t asking questions doesn’t mean they don’t need help—you don’t measure your needs against other people’s silence.

There is hope: supportive teachers exist, resources exist, and growth can happen—even if it takes years.

Our Favorite Quotes

“School… we all go through it. It’s inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

“Anything can be weaponized. Microaggressions exist everywhere.”

“What’s the worst that’s going to happen? They’re going to tell you no.”

“Just because your peers may not be asking your teacher for help does not mean they don’t need the help.”

“Never be ashamed to take care of yourself… and you never know what anybody else is going through.”

Chapter Markers

00:00 — When school becomes the place you feel “different”

03:12 — “Barbie society” and growing up mixed-race in the classroom

05:26 — Middle school: hormones, pressure, and the jump to high school

07:10 — COVID kids and what we lost socially

08:52 — Your cup is already full before you even walk in

15:27 — “Screw it, we ball”: learning to ask for help anyway

26:28 — Mental health clubs, stigma, and choosing support without shame

Your Turn

This week’s check-in / journaling prompt:

Where have you been telling yourself you “should be fine,” when what you actually need is support? 

And what would it look like—just one time—to raise your hand and ask anyway?