You can do everything right, hold everyone and everything together, and still wonder why you feel so far away from yourself.

In this episode, I sit down with psychotherapist, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, and sexuality educator Todd Malloy to explore why high-achieving women can remain in survival mode long after the original danger or hardship has passed.

Todd explains how unresolved childhood wounds, emotional neglect, imposter syndrome, and family-of-origin patterns can follow us into adulthood. These experiences can affect how we value ourselves, communicate with our partners, respond to conflict, and experience emotional and physical intimacy.

We discuss why women often remain silent about what they need, how resentment builds when difficult conversations are repeatedly avoided, and why your partner cannot understand your experience unless you learn to communicate it clearly.

Todd also introduces the “soft start,” a more thoughtful way to begin difficult conversations without immediately creating defensiveness. He shares how asking for clarity, listening to what was actually said, and stating the positive intention behind a conversation can help couples move from reacting to genuinely connecting.

You’ll also hear a powerful story about a woman who confronted the wounds of her childhood, stopped abandoning herself, established boundaries, and created an entirely different life. Her transformation offers an important reminder that the life you live does not only affect you. It also teaches your children what they should accept, expect, and believe is possible.

Todd leaves you with three places to begin: tell yourself the truth, understand your why, and question whether the standards you have been living by reflect your authentic values or someone else’s expectations.

You may have become exceptionally good at surviving, but you are still allowed to choose honesty, connection, self-worth, and a life worth celebrating.

Music by:

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action:

What part of this conversation felt most familiar to you? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Subscribe to Create The Best Me for weekly conversations that help women in midlife reconnect with themselves, navigate change, and create lives that feel meaningful and fulfilling.

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep175

https://toddmalloy.com/

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#SurvivalMode #MidlifeWomen #EmotionalIntimacy #EmotionalDisconnection #MidlifeRelationships #RelationshipCommunication #SelfWorth #WomenOver40 #ToddMalloy #CreateTheBestMe

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Have you ever wondered why your joints suddenly feel achy, stiff, or even “old” long before you imagined they would? If every morning feels like you’re waking up in someone else’s body, you’re not alone, and you’re not simply “getting older.”

In this episode, I break down the hidden, hormonal reasons behind perimenopausal joint pain. From unexplained stiffness and tendon pain to frozen shoulder, I reveal how estrogen decline and the body’s inflammatory response are hijacking your mornings and what you can actually do about it.

I’ll walk you through the three most common ways this pain presents, why most doctors miss the connection, and the practical steps every woman deserves to know to help you reclaim your mobility, energy, and confidence.

What You’ll Learn:

1. The Real Reason Behind Perimenopausal Joint Pain:
   How declining estrogen acts as your body’s anti-inflammatory and what happens when it disappears.
2. Three Common Ways Inflammation Shows Up:
   What to look for in joint stiffness, tendon and connective tissue pain, and the increasing prevalence of “frozen shoulder” in women over 40.
3. Why the Medical System Gets It Wrong:
   How your symptoms get treated in isolation, and the critical hormonal questions most providers never ask.
4. The Power of Naming and Tracking Your Symptoms:
   How to walk into your next appointment prepared with the right evidence (and questions) to finally get answers.
5. My 5-Step Action Plan to Support Your Joints:
   Practical steps to address hormonal imbalances, reduce cortisol, move safely, and advocate for your full-body health.

Music by:

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action:

🔔 New videos every week for women navigating midlife with clarity and confidence. Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming.

 💬 Have you been dealing with joint pain or frozen shoulder in perimenopause — and did your doctor ever connect it to your hormones? Tell me in the comments.

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep171 

Related Episodes:

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https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19069119

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18438445 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18414779

#frozenshouldermenopause #menopausejointpain #estrogeninflammation #menopausebodyaches #menopausearthritis

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LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

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In this episode, I speak with Elana Auerbach, author of The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark, about intimacy, desire, shame, body confidence, communication, and reconnecting with yourself in midlife.

Elana shares how a simple weekly practice helped transform her marriage after years of frustration, resentment, and emotional distance. But this conversation goes far beyond physical intimacy. It is about learning what you want, understanding how desire can change, feeling more comfortable in your body, and giving yourself permission to stop disappearing from your own life.

Elana and I also discuss spontaneous desire, responsive desire, body confidence after 40, self-love, and how couples can begin honest conversations when intimacy has changed.

Please note: This episode includes mature topics around intimacy, pleasure, and relationships and may not be suitable for younger listeners.

Music:

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action:

If this conversation helped you, please like, share, subscribe, and come back next week for another episode created just for you.

Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself.

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep172

https://surethingexperiment.com/

Related Episode:

🎧 Listen to this episode next:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18377811

#IntimacyAfter40 #MidlifeWomen #CreateTheBestMe #WomenOver40 #WomenOver50 #MidlifeRelationships #DesireAfter40 #BodyConfidence #SelfLoveAfter40 #MarriageConnection #ResponsiveDesire #ElanaAuerbach #TheSureThing

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carmenhecox/

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LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

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Are you spending more money on skincare over 40 but still feeling like your skin looks dry, dull, or irritated? You are not alone.

In this episode, I’m joined by Lindsay Nahmiache, owner and CEO of Veriphy Skincare, for a real conversation about what happens to our skin in perimenopause, menopause, and midlife, and why buying more products is not always the answer.

Lindsay shares how she first discovered Veriphy as a customer, what made her believe in the brand enough to take it over, and why the line has only five products on purpose. We talk about PhytoSpherix, hydration, skin barrier support, retinol and tretinoin dryness, ingredient overload, and the TikTok skincare trends that can be a little too much for midlife skin.

You’ll also hear the simple washcloth method Lindsay learned from her grandmother, why she believes less can be more, and how women over 40 can start simplifying their skincare routine without feeling like they have to throw everything away.

If your skin has changed and your skincare shelf is starting to feel like a science experiment, this episode will help you think about your routine in a calmer, simpler, and more confident way.

Music:

Epidemic Sounds

#VeriphySkinCare #SkincareOver40 #MenopauseSkincare #MidlifeSkin #CreateTheBestMe

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep170

Use this link for a discount: https://veriphyskincare.com/discount/Carmen25

Related Episodes:

🎧  Listen to these episodes next:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18709719

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18340310

skincare over 40, skincare over 50, menopause skincare, perimenopause skincare, dry skin over 40, midlife skincare, skin barrier, retinol dry skin, skincare routine over 40, skin minimalism, clean skincare, clinical skincare, Veriphy Skincare, Lindsay Nahmiache, PhytoSpherix, Create The Best Me

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

Website: https://createthebestme.com

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Have you ever felt like your brain was replaced overnight, focus gone, memory slipping, and a fog you just can’t clear? As someone who’s navigated both adult ADHD diagnosis and the rollercoaster of perimenopause, I’ve experienced firsthand how the intersection of hormones and brain chemistry can turn your world upside down.

In this episode of Create The Best Me, I break down the real science behind why so many women over 40 are suddenly being diagnosed with ADHD (or thinking they have it), why your medication may have stopped working, and the role estrogen plays in keeping our brains firing on all cylinders. I also share the three most common misdiagnoses women receive, plus, I give you a playbook to approach your doctor armed with the facts and confidence you need.

This episode is for every woman who feels like she’s “losing it.” You’re not alone, and there’s a reason for what you’re experiencing!

What You'll Learn

1. The real connection between estrogen and dopamine: Why perimenopause can upend years of mental clarity and what’s really happening beneath the surface.
2. Why your ADHD meds might feel useless now: How hormonal changes impact the effectiveness of stimulant medications as you move through midlife.
3. The three most common misdiagnoses to watch out for: How anxiety, depression, and even early-onset dementia can mask underlying hormone-related ADHD symptoms.
4. How to prepare for your doctor’s visit: The steps to build your case, track symptoms, and ensure you’re seen and heard in the medical system.
5. Why holistic strategies matter: From external systems, sleep, and routines to hormone therapy conversations, how to support every part of your life, not just your diagnosis.

Music by: 

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action: 

If this episode helped you, share it with a woman who may be sitting there with a diagnosis that does not quite fit and wondering what is wrong with her. This may be the piece that helps connect it all.

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep169

Related Episodes:

🎧 Listen to these episodes next: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19143428 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19069119 

⚖️ Disclaimer:

This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please talk with your qualified healthcare provider about your symptoms and treatment options.

#ADHDAfter40 #Perimenopause #WomenWithADHD #MidlifeWomen #BrainFog #CreateTheBestMe 

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https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

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YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/@createthebestme

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

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Are you tired of being told your labs are “normal” when you know something is off? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Will Haas, founder and CEO of VYVE Wellness in Charlotte. Together, we discuss the frustrations so many high performers (especially women) face when they hit that midlife wall: unexplained fatigue, brain fog, stubborn weight, and a new reality where old routines just don’t work anymore.

We dive into:

• The difference between burnout and perimenopause (and why they so often overlap)
• Why standard labs don’t always reveal the real cause behind your symptoms
• What deeper tests really show about hormones, recovery, and cellular health
• How to use heart rate variability (HRV) as your “check engine” light for burnout
• The truth about GLP-1 drugs, “skinny fat,” and rebuilding your metabolism the right way

If you’ve ever left the doctor’s office feeling dismissed or confused…the conversation is about to change.

Music from:

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action: 

Ready to stop settling for "normal"? Hit Subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss an episode!

• Comment below: What is one change you are going to make to your recovery routine this week?
• Share: Send this to a friend who needs to hear this exact message today.

Make sure to come back next week, we have another amazing episode lined up with more strategies to help you navigate midlife with energy and confidence!

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep168

https://vyvewellness.com/get-started

Related Episodes:

🎧 Listen to these episodes next: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19143428 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19069119 

#vyvewellness #DrWillHaas #Perimenopause #MidlifeHealth #FunctionalMedicine #BurnoutRecovery #GLP1 #MitochondrialHealth #CreateTheBestMe #takecontrolofyourhealth 

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

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LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

📽️ Video Request:

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Is it just brain fog or something more serious?

In this episode, I dive into one of midlife’s most misunderstood and frightening symptoms: perimenopause brain fog. If you’ve ever lost your train of thought mid-sentence, missed a word that was right there, or worried that these slips mean you’re starting to lose your memory for good, you’re not alone.

Together, we cut through the confusion between brain fog and true memory loss. I give you a clear checklist of what’s a normal (if frustrating) part of perimenopause and what signs signal it’s time to check in with your doctor. I’ll walk you through the brain biology behind the “vocabulary gap,” how estrogen and acetylcholine affect your mind, the best foods to support cognitive health, and the science-backed habits that help your brain stay sharp through every hormonal shift life throws your way.

What You’ll Learn:

• The difference between brain fog and permanent memory loss (why worry isn’t always warranted)
• Seven completely normal symptoms of perimenopausal brain fog and the five that mean it’s time to call your doctor
• How estrogen and acetylcholine shape your memory, and why word-finding gets harder in midlife
• The foods and nutrients that protect your brain and support memory (hello, blueberries and eggs!)
• How “cognitive reserve” can help your brain reroute around fog and the three habits that build it, starting today

Music by: 

Epidemic Sound

Call to Action:

Drop a comment and tell me: which of the 7 brain fog symptoms did you recognize in yourself? I read every single one.

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep167

Related Episodes:

🎧  Listen to these episodes next: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/19069119 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18414779

#perimenopausebrainfog #menopausebrainfog #brainfogsymptoms #brainfogcauses #menopausememoryloss 

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

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LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

📽️ Video Request:

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How can you be a rockstar at work, run a household, and still find love completely bewildering? If you've ever felt like your love life is a cluttered pantry full of outdated stories and expired patterns, this episode is for you.

I sat down with a powerhouse guest, board-certified integrative Neurosomatic practitioner and identity architect, Riana Malia, to tackle the unconscious patterns that keep high-achieving women single (and what to do about them). We cover why doing more doesn’t work in love, how to break free of old cycles fast, and the simple shift that will change the way you love, lead, and trust yourself. If you’re ready for real clarity and want to stop settling for chicken when you really want ribeye, don’t miss this conversation.

What You’ll Learn

1. Why more “doing” doesn’t fix your love life
Discover why high-achieving women get stuck in love even when they’re unstoppable everywhere else and what truly changes the game.

2. The 10%/90% shift for crystal clarity
Understand why the conscious brain is only 10% of the story, while the unconscious makes up the powerful 90%, shaping your results in love and life.

3. How to clear old stories and expired patterns (for good)
Learn Riana Malia’s “clear to create” methodology so you can stop telling the old story, detox dysfunctional patterns, and make room for extraordinary love.

4. The Clarity Codex: get specific about what you want
Stop second-guessing yourself and learn to build your love “menu” based on your real desires, values, and non-negotiables.

5. How clearing love blocks transforms every relationship
Hear real-world results of this work, not just in romance but with friends, children, coworkers, and most importantly, yourself.

Music by:

Epidemic Sounds

Call to Action:  

What is ONE “expired pattern” from your relationship pantry that you are throwing out today? 👇 Let me know in the comments! Don't forget to take Riana's free ELI assessment linked below!

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep166

https://rianamalia.com

https://quiz.rianamalia.com

Related Episode:

🎧 Listen to this episode next: 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/17901989 

 #CreateTheBestMe #HighAchievingWomen #RelationshipAdvice #SubconsciousHealing #DatingInMidlife #ManifestingLove #NeurosomaticHealing #WomensEmpowerment

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

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LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

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Is your stubborn belly fat refusing to budge, even though you’re eating right, moving your body, and getting good sleep? In this episode, I break down the real reason so many women in midlife struggle with “cortisol belly” and the exact morning shift that can help you finally end the cycle.

Forget blaming willpower. Instead, I’ll walk you through the unseen hormone connection sabotaging your efforts and share the science-backed five-step morning protocol I use to reset my cortisol, reclaim my metabolism, and give my body permission to let the belly fat go.

If you’ve tried everything but still wake up feeling stuck, this episode is your action plan to move forward one doable morning at a time.

What You'll Learn

• Why you can do “everything right” and still gain belly fat in midlife
• How cortisol targets belly fat and why it’s different from fat anywhere else
• The crucial role morning routines play in your stress and fat storage
• Five specific, actionable steps to reset your cortisol and metabolism when you wake up
• The science behind light exposure, coffee timing, protein, nervous system hacks, and digital boundaries, and how these tiny shifts compound into BIG transformation

Music: 

Epidemic Sound

Call to action:

👍 Drop a comment with the step you'll start tomorrow, and don’t forget to subscribe. Your best self is just a morning away!

Catch another amazing episode created just for you next week!

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep165

Related Episodes:

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https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18414779

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1949561/episodes/18261094 

#Cortisol #MidlifeWeightLoss #MorningRoutine #CreateTheBestMe #MenopauseHealth #releasemidlifebellyfat

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

Website: https://createthebestme.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/createthebestme

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carmenhecox/

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YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/@createthebestme

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

📽️ Video Request:

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Retirement planning can feel overwhelming, especially for women, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of delaying big decisions or thinking “we” have it covered, when it turns out your name might not even be on that 401(k).

In this episode, I sit down with retirement consultant and consumer advocate Marcia Mantell, who has spent over 30 years translating Social Security, Medicare, and retirement rules into clear, practical guidance.

We explore why women face a retirement gap, debunk Social Security myths, and discuss delaying planning until it’s urgent. Marcia offers practical steps to boost your confidence and control over your future, regardless of age.

What You’ll Learn:

1. The Hidden Retirement Gap for Women
   Why women often have less in retirement, even if they were high earners or took “time out” for family, and how missing career years affect Social Security.
2. The Truth About Social Security
   Social Security isn’t a personal bank account or a one-stop retirement solution. Learn how benefits are calculated, what ‘35 years” really mean, and why claiming early at 62 can permanently reduce your check.
3. No Such Thing as a Joint 401(k)
   Why “we” doesn’t exist in retirement accounts, the key difference between owning and being a beneficiary, and what every married (or divorced!) woman should know about her account name.
4. Don’t Fall for the COLA Myth
   Cost-of-living increases sound helpful, but Marcia explains why they won’t replace early benefit reductions and what truly protects your retirement income.
5. It’s Never Too Late to Make a Difference
   Whether you’re behind in savings or starting to think about retirement at 50 or 60, Marcia shares three realistic steps any woman can take now to improve her security and peace of mind for the next 30 years. 

Music by: 

Epidemic Sound 

Call to Action:

If you found value in this conversation, hit that Subscribe button and leave a comment below: What is your biggest financial fear or goal when it comes to retirement? 

📕 Resources: 

https://createthebestme.com/ep164

https://boomerretirementbriefs.com/ 

https://mantellretirementconsulting.com/

https://www.ssa.gov/myaccount/  

⚖️ Disclaimer:

This podcast is for educational use only, not financial, investment, or legal advice. Consult your advisor before making retirement decisions. Guest views are their own and may not reflect those of Create The Best Me.

#RetirementPlanning #WomenAndMoney #SocialSecurity #CreateTheBestMe #MidlifeWomen #FinancialLiteracy #RetirementTips

📨 Newsletter:

https://createthebestme.com/newsletter/

👀 Connect With Me:

Website: https://createthebestme.com

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YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/@createthebestme

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carmen-hecox

📽️ Video Request:

https://forms.office.com/r/LvLV1AsBfv