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Creating a More Peaceful Home: How to Set The Tone and Gently Calm Things Down
How do you respond when your child’s behaviour feels like pure chaos—defiance, aggression, shutdowns—and nothing you try seems to work? In this solo episode, Cliff unpacks a powerful reframe of that situation explaining why what you are seeing is not likely to be down to disobedience or bad parenting.
Cliff shares practical ways to reduce flashpoints, calm things down and teach your children to improve their ability to regulate their emotions. If you've ever felt disconnected from your neurodivergent child, like everything always turns to chaos and it feels so hard to connect with them, this conversation is for you.
EPISODE REVEALS
Parents set the tone in the home. If they are calm, it becomes far easier for their children to remain calm and co-operative too.
Be patient, wait for your child to calm down rather than trying to discuss issues immediately. This gives their nervous system time to re-regulate which makes it easier for them to listen, understand and be more receptive.
Be mindful of how sensitive your child is. Use language that reassures them, this avoids triggering anxiety or defensiveness.
Create space for conversation, e.g. device free dinner times when everyone can talk.
Learn to understand your child´s nervous system - the load, the capacity, and how to recognise the signs of distress. This makes it easier for you to stop situations from spiralling out of control.
BEST MOMENTS
"Sometimes what looks like disobedience isn't disobedience, it's dysregulation."
"You can't control your child, but what you can control your own emotions. When you become that resonance of calm and peace that eventually seeps in and helps with your connection with your child."
"All these connections with your child can be fixed. But it doesn't start with the child. It starts with us."
"Give them options. So, it's not a command."
EPISODE RESOURCES
ADHD and Autism Pre - Assessment Mini Course Pt 1 of 3 with Connor Johnson - https://podcasts.apple.com/es/podcast/adhd-and-autism-pre-assessment-mini-course-pt-1-of/id1810681675?i=1000725797148 – then listen to the next two episodes to complete this short course.
RESOURCES
Cliff´s book “What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down”- https://amzn.eu/d/00b6M7LQ
CLIFF´S SERVICES
Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here - https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
CONTACT ME
Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister
X - @KilmisterCliff
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD
HOST BIO
Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!
This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/
View all episodes
By Cliff KilmisterHow do you respond when your child’s behaviour feels like pure chaos—defiance, aggression, shutdowns—and nothing you try seems to work? In this solo episode, Cliff unpacks a powerful reframe of that situation explaining why what you are seeing is not likely to be down to disobedience or bad parenting.
Cliff shares practical ways to reduce flashpoints, calm things down and teach your children to improve their ability to regulate their emotions. If you've ever felt disconnected from your neurodivergent child, like everything always turns to chaos and it feels so hard to connect with them, this conversation is for you.
EPISODE REVEALS
Parents set the tone in the home. If they are calm, it becomes far easier for their children to remain calm and co-operative too.
Be patient, wait for your child to calm down rather than trying to discuss issues immediately. This gives their nervous system time to re-regulate which makes it easier for them to listen, understand and be more receptive.
Be mindful of how sensitive your child is. Use language that reassures them, this avoids triggering anxiety or defensiveness.
Create space for conversation, e.g. device free dinner times when everyone can talk.
Learn to understand your child´s nervous system - the load, the capacity, and how to recognise the signs of distress. This makes it easier for you to stop situations from spiralling out of control.
BEST MOMENTS
"Sometimes what looks like disobedience isn't disobedience, it's dysregulation."
"You can't control your child, but what you can control your own emotions. When you become that resonance of calm and peace that eventually seeps in and helps with your connection with your child."
"All these connections with your child can be fixed. But it doesn't start with the child. It starts with us."
"Give them options. So, it's not a command."
EPISODE RESOURCES
ADHD and Autism Pre - Assessment Mini Course Pt 1 of 3 with Connor Johnson - https://podcasts.apple.com/es/podcast/adhd-and-autism-pre-assessment-mini-course-pt-1-of/id1810681675?i=1000725797148 – then listen to the next two episodes to complete this short course.
RESOURCES
Cliff´s book “What to Do When Your Child Shuts Down”- https://amzn.eu/d/00b6M7LQ
CLIFF´S SERVICES
Are you struggling with anxiety and want support from someone who has been there and come out the other side? - Message Cliff here and take advantage of his founding members offer: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
Are you feeling overwhelmed with EHCP paperwork or are you stuck? Cliff, who has personally been through the process offers body-doubling and step-by-step support. You can contact him here - https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
CONTACT ME
Instagram: @cliff_kilmister08
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister
X - @KilmisterCliff
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD
HOST BIO
Cliff Kilmister is a dedicated parent, advocate, and cat whisperer with firsthand experience raising a child with autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Having navigated the challenges of school refusal, meltdowns, and sensory sensitivities, Cliff brings an empathetic, real-world perspective to the podcast. When he's not helping his child thrive, he’s dodging the evil stares of his three cats, who are plotting to take over the world (fortunately, they still haven’t figured out how to use the tin opener). Cliff offers practical advice, expert insights, and personal stories to help families facing similar struggles. Cliff is focused on connecting with professionals and networks to raise awareness about the growing need for the education system to adapt to the increasing neurodiverse population. Join the community on Patreon to share experiences, access exclusive content, and work together for change!
This Podcast has been brought to you by Disruptive Media. https://disruptivemedia.co.uk/