Chapter 9 – Crisis Feeling

As we thought about crisis color, we were focusing on the mood, tone, or affect of the individual in crisis. The color, then, is his overall or predominant emotional tone or state. As we talk about communication feeling, it will be important to keep this understanding of crisis color in mind.

MESSAGES WITH FEELING

Crisis color tells us something about the individual as a whole person in the present situation. Communication feeling has to do with the specific messages conveyed back and forth between you and the individual in crisis. As we looked at the content within the communication loop, we saw that each message has a factual or objective meaning. Each message also comes with its own specific feeling. For example, an individual may be very angry—his crisis may be red. However, this does not necessarily mean that he is angry about everything and everyone. In fact, there may be some people, events, or situations involved in his crisis that make him feel good, smile, or feel pleased. A small child who is very upset or angry with one parent may have good and loving feelings toward the other. A teenager who is very upset and apprehensive as a result of her boyfriend’s going out with another girl may be furious with the girl but still have loving, caring feelings toward the boyfriend. Even though the individual’s mood may be predominantly anxious, afraid, angry, or depressed, it is not necessarily or usually true that he is upset about everything and everyone. Similarly, some things may be making him feel fearful while others make him feel guilty; some things may make him feel angry while others make him feel apprehensive.

Jerry, age seventeen, is in a red crisis. He has a very defiant look and sits rigidly in the chair beside your desk. You ask, “How are you today, Jerry?” “Fine. I didn’t want to come here. My father said he would take me to juvenile court if I didn’t come. I’m here because it’s better than going to court. [You ask: Did you get into some kind of trouble?] Yeah, I just got suspended from school. One of the big-shot teachers reported us. This is my first offense. The other two, it’s their second time. He found out we were passing a joint. [You ask: Passing a joint gets you suspended from school?] Yeah. I’ve been smoking for four years and had to get caught. [You ask: How did getting suspended go over at home?] Well, my dad—I was surprised—he just laughed, nodded his head, and said ‘That’s my kid.’ [You ask: How did your mom take it?] She had a fit. She may still be yelling for all I know. My uncle —he was really upset. Now, he’s real neat. I can tell him anything. I don’t really need you people. Any talking I do, I do with him. [You say: It’s nice you can talk with him. We know how your mom and dad and uncle feel about it. How do you feel about getting suspended?] Well, it’s nice in a way. I don’t have to sit in all those stupid classes, but it just gets me further behind. I want to graduate so I can go to college, but those classes are such a bore. [From Jerry’s red crisis and from his somewhat hostile attitude, you might have assumed that he would be quite negative toward school and education. He does not like school, but he is not particularly happy about being suspended. You say: Classes can be a bore sometimes.] They—those teachers—get me mad. I start cursing in class. This one overheard me and made me stay after class. He asked me if I like him, and I told him, ‘Hell, no!’ and ran out of the room. He hasn’t liked me much since then. [You are developing a suspicion that Jerry’s temper may be a problem to him, and you ask: Do you get angry often?] Yeah, I start cursing a blue streak, and when I do, it feels so good that —oh, I haven’t been doing nearly as much….My mom had to go to California for a while, and my dad and I had a really good time. We laughed and joked.