What does the 700 Club have that we don't? Besides millions of viewers? And huge wads of cash? Nothing!

* Pat Robertson: Marijuana good; Manning bad

* Jeff Foxworthy: "Are you Smarter than a Prophet?"

* Jimmy Carter: "Buy My Bible!"

* Atheists, "Let's Have a 'Come to Nothing' Meeting"

* Feudin' and Fightin' at the Trinity Broadcasting Network