016 It's really possible your most important conversations without blowing up your relationship. Today I uncover how to calm others and yourself when you feel like the convo gets out of control and so much more from one of my fave books, Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler.

Key takeaways:

• Keep it safe.
• Focus on what you really want out of the relationship.
• Refocus brain on a problem to bring it out of fight or flight and into problem solving.
• Fools choice:
  • Speak up - make an enemy
  • Suffer in silence while a bad decision is made
• Learn to dialogue where what you say is a 100% honest and respectful
• Key: Keep it Safe
• Start with the Heart:
  • When you're under attack, your heart changes
• Focus on what you want:
  • Refocus your brain
  • Our motives unconsciously change when adrenaline pumping
  • Brain goes into fight and flight
  • Refocus brain on a problem to solve to get out of fight or flight
• What do I really want for myself?
  • For others?
  • For this relationship?
  • How would I behave if I want these results?
• Refuse the fools choice and instead
• Look for the "AND"
  • Clarify what you really want.
  • Clarify what you really don't want.
  • Present your brain with a complex problem.

Make it Safe: How to Talk About Almost Anything

• Step out. Make it Safe. Step in.
  • Step out: remove from what is being said
  • Return to start with the heart
• Which condition is at risk?
  • Win:Win
  • Mutual purpose
  • Respect someone through empathy
• What to do once you step out:
• • Change the heart.
  • Confirm mutual purpose.
  • Brainstorm new strategies.
  • Apologize.
  • Contrast.
  • Create a mutual purpose: C.R.I.B.
• • Change the heart.
• Make It Safe: How to Talk about Almost Anything

• What to do once you step out?
  • Change the heart.
  • Do: confirm mutual respect and purpose
  • Use as prevention or first aid
  • Commit to seek mutual purpose out loud/publicly
  • Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
    • Often people stuck on the mode, define the purpose.
  • Invent a mutual purpose: higher or longer term
  • Brainstorm new strategies.
  • Apologize when appropriate:
  • Contrast to fix misunderstanding:
  • Create a mutual purpose: C.R.I.B.

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