Your kids are fighting again. Do you step in, solve the problem, make everyone apologize, and move on?

Maybe not.

In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa talk about why sibling conflict isn't always an emergency and how constantly refereeing your children's disagreements can keep them from learning the very skills they need. Instead of trying to create a conflict-free home, Rhonda encourages parents to teach children how to communicate, negotiate, forgive, set boundaries, show grace, and restore relationships.

They also tackle the child who always gives in, the strong personality who tends to take over, forced apologies that create fake peace, and the subtle ways parents can actually fuel sibling drama through comparison, labels, and the way they talk about their children.

And this isn't just about getting through childhood with fewer arguments. Rhonda shares how intentional sibling relationships can grow into lifelong friendships, even when adult children make very different choices.

The goal isn't raising siblings who never disagree. It's raising people who know what to do when they do.

[00:02:58] Not Every Sibling Fight Is an Emergency

[00:06:22] Stop Refereeing, Start Training: Handling Sibling Conflict

[00:11:33] From Doormat to Confident: Helping Quiet Kids Speak Up

[00:16:39] Beyond Fake Peace: Teaching Kids Real Restoration

[00:20:46] The Goal Is Not a Conflict-Free Home

[00:24:30] Raising Lifelong Friends, Not Just Siblings

[00:28:05] How Parents Accidentally Create Sibling Drama

[00:32:24] Different Not Less: Ending Comparison in Your Home

Romans 12:18

Matthew 7:3-5

“Our goal isn't a home with no conflict. It's a home where people know what to do with conflict.”

“If a mom solves every disagreement, children may never learn how to solve disagreements themselves.”

“We don't have to manufacture tenderness, but we can teach the steps that make tenderness possible.”

“The relationship should be stronger than any of those other things.”

“They're different, but we don't want to communicate; they're less.”

“When you think something nice, say it.”

Stop trying to referee every disagreement.

Before jumping into the next sibling argument, ask whether your children are unsafe or whether this is something they can begin learning to work through themselves. Rhonda describes it as a progression: sometimes parents intervene, sometimes they coach, and sometimes they allow children to work through the conflict. The goal is to gradually teach them to share, negotiate, communicate, exercise self-control, and solve problems without always needing Mom or Dad to do it for them.

Teach restoration instead of forcing an apology.

“Tell your sister you're sorry” may end an argument, but it doesn't necessarily teach a child how to repair a relationship. Help your child identify what they did wrong, how their actions affected the other person, and what they can do to make it right. You can't force genuine remorse, but you can teach the steps that help children take responsibility and make restoration possible.

Pay attention to how you talk about your children.

Parents can unintentionally create sibling drama through comparison, criticism, labels, or talking negatively about one child to another. Instead, create a home where differences are noticed without becoming rankings. Teach your children to recognize one another's strengths, celebrate them openly, and understand that one sibling's giftedness in one area doesn't make another sibling less valuable.

New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.

Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

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Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.

And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.

Lisa Appelo went to bed one night beside her high school sweetheart and woke up to a life she never could have imagined.

Her husband, Dan, died suddenly, leaving Lisa to grieve the man she'd loved since high school while raising their seven children and figuring out what came next.

In this conversation, Lisa joins Rhonda and Melissa to talk about what grief actually looked like inside their home. She shares why she tried to avoid major decisions during the first year, how she learned to parent children who were grieving in very different ways, and why some of her most important moments with God happened alone in her minivan.

Lisa also shares what friends did that truly helped, why we shouldn't let our inability to fix everything keep us from doing one thing, and the three words every grieving person needs to hear: You're not alone.

They also talk about the hidden practical burdens widows carry, why grief isn't a checklist to complete, and how Lisa eventually discovered that losing the life she expected did not mean God had given her a second-best life.

If you are walking through loss or love someone who is, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to have all the answers. You need the next day's grace, people willing to show up, and a God who promises to walk with you through it.

LISTEN IN TO LEARN MORE

[0:00:04] Podcast Vision and Hosts Introduction

[0:00:26] Welcoming Guest and New Book Release

[0:01:14] The Night Everything Changed

[0:03:51] Learning to Grieve Alongside Her Children

[0:05:40] Why Avoiding Big Changes in Year One Matters

[0:07:01] Homeschooling and Finances After Sudden Loss

[0:08:06] Meeting God Daily in the Minivan

[0:11:22] Experiencing God as Wisdom, Strength, and Provision

[0:11:56] How Friends Showed Up in Practical Ways

[0:14:00] A Simple Ministry Formula for Showing Up

[0:17:04] Parenting Grieving Kids with Personality in Mind

[0:22:17] From Attorney to Grief Writer

[0:23:53] Why a Grief Devotional Came Next

[0:25:15] The Three Most Important Words in Grief

[0:28:46] Grief Is Not a Checklist

[0:30:52] Hidden Burdens Widows Carry

[0:33:34] Life After Loss: Joy, Grandkids, and New Chapters

[0:35:32] Current Ministry and Future Books

KEY SCRIPTURE

Matthew 28:20

Isaiah 41:10

Isaiah 43:2

"We can't let not being able to do everything keep us from doing the one thing."

"I needed God more than I needed my daily bread."

"The three most important words to tell somebody in grief are, 'You're not alone.'"

"Grief is a messy mix of emotions and hard questions that all surface, sometimes conflicting, all at once."

"God doesn't give us second best."

EPISODE TAKEAWAYS

Walk with someone through grief instead of trying to fix it.

When someone you love is hurting, you don't need the perfect words or a solution to their pain. Lisa learned this while grieving alongside her own children. She couldn't fix their broken hearts, but she could keep the conversation open, maintain some familiar rhythms, give them grace to grieve differently, and walk beside them through it. Sometimes presence is the most important thing you can offer.

Don't let the size of someone's need keep you from doing one thing.

A devastating loss can leave friends wondering what they could possibly do that would make a difference. Lisa's experience taught her that the small things mattered. Bring the casserole. Send the text. Make the phone call. Iron the children's clothes before the funeral. Help with paperwork. Ask God to show you where you can meet a need, then pay attention and act when He does.

Remember these three words: You're not alone.

You may not understand someone's grief, and you cannot take it away, but you can remind them that they don't have to carry it by themselves. Check in again after everyone else has gone home. Call next week. Ask what's happening today. Listen without trying to move them through their grief faster. And remind them of the deeper promise woven throughout Scripture: God is with them too.

Lisa Appelo

God of Comfort

Life Can Be Good Again by Lisa Appelo

Learn more about Lisa's writing, speaking, and ministry: Lisa Appelo.com

Follow Lisa on Instagram: @lisaappelo

Facebook group -- Never Alone Widows

New episodes of Cultivating a Home are released every Thursday.

Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

Instagram:

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Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask and it might be answered in a future episode.

And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.

What if the words shaping your home aren't the big conversations, but the small comments, reactions, corrections, and expressions happening all day long?

In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa talk about how the words we use reveal what is happening in our hearts and ultimately help set the tone of our homes. Rhonda shares how she began noticing criticism and negativity before they left her mouth, and why changing our words often requires looking more deeply at pride, fear, hurt, unmet expectations, and our desire for control.

You'll also hear the story of a little pot of purple daisies, a giant pink gorilla costume, and the moment Rhonda realized how differently a child can experience something that feels insignificant to a parent. 

They discuss handling disappointment without passive aggression, teaching children to honor others, stopping sibling mockery, apologizing when your words hurt, and creating a family culture where restoration and do-overs are normal.

Because a peaceful home isn't created by never saying the wrong thing. It's built by learning to recognize what's happening in your heart, choosing words that give life, and making things right when you get it wrong.

[0:00:26] Power of Words in Shaping Home Atmosphere

[0:01:34] Heart, Not Mouth: Root Cause of Hurtful Words

[0:04:38] Curiosity Over Guilt in Emotional Reactions

[0:05:38] Parenting Through Tantrums Without Pride

[0:08:19] Handling Disappointment on Special Days

[0:10:31] Teaching Honor and Expressing Needs Clearly

[0:12:13] Life and Death in Everyday Home Conversations

[0:14:00] When Words Wound: The Purple Daisies Moment

[0:16:49] Choosing Joy with the Pink Gorilla Costume

[0:18:49] Seeing Through Your Child's Eyes

[0:21:12] Asking God to Guard Your Mouth

[0:21:53] The Helpful-Necessary-Edifying Filter

[0:23:51] Zero Tolerance for Mockery at Home

[0:27:02] Culture of Do-Overs and Respectful Redos

[0:28:20] Reckless Words vs. Healing Tongue

[0:30:43] Setting a Safe, Restorative Home Tone

KEY SCRIPTURE

Luke 6:45

Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 18:21

Psalm 141:3

Proverbs 12:18

"Every home has a tone, and you're the one setting it one word at a time, one reaction at a time, one expression at a time."

"Same kind of moment, same mom, two different responses, two different outcomes."

"Every child in our home needs to feel safe, protected, encouraged, valued, and the words start with us."

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Get curious about your reactions instead of stopping at guilt.

The next time words come out more harshly than you intended, ask yourself what was underneath them. Were you embarrassed? Hurt? Afraid? Feeling overlooked? Trying to control the situation? Identifying what's happening in your heart gives you a meaningful place to begin, rather than simply promising yourself you'll "do better next time."

Pause and filter your words before you say them.

Make restoration part of your family's normal rhythm.

RESOURCES + LINKS

Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis

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Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com

Have a question for Rhonda? Leave your comment/question at cultivatingahome.com/ask, and it might be answered in a future episode.

And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.

20 episodes in, and Rhonda and Melissa are sitting down to answer the questions you actually sent in.

From whether Rhonda's six kids always got along (spoiler: Legos were involved) to how to handle sports without losing your family in the process, how to give teenagers more freedom without losing your mind, what to do when you feel distant from God, how to prepare for an empty nest before it sneaks up on you, and what God is teaching Rhonda right now. This episode covers a lot of ground.

There is also a rapid fire round at the end where they discuss favorite movie, coffee order, and the verse Rhonda and her daughter clung to through their cancer journey..

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still."

"When your children are my children’s ages, you know what really matters? The relationships they’ve built with each other."

"A lot of times it comes down to this: we fear our kids' reactions more than making a firm stand on what we know to be the best decision. It takes strength to be a leader.” 

"Don't retire from life. Don't say I did my part and I'm done."

"When we can’t do a thing, He tells us to just be still. He says I've got you. I will fight for you."

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis 

Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com  

Screen Strong Solution by Melanie Hempe

Have a question for Rhonda? Send it to [email protected] and it might be answered in a future episode. 

And if this show has meant something to you, leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more families find their way here.

When your kids are little, they bring you broken toys. When they get older, they bring you broken hearts. And how you handle the toys determines whether they ever bring you the hearts.

In today’s episode, Rhonda and Melissa go deep on emotional safety: what it looks like, what destroys it, and what it takes to become the parent your child comes to first instead of last.

Rhonda walks through the behaviors that make a home emotionally unsafe without anyone meaning to create them: unpredictability, explosive reactions, dismissiveness, repeating what a child confides, correcting publicly, and comparing siblings. She shares two of the most powerful examples in the series so far: what a safe response looks like when your six-year-old comes home from a hard recess, and what it looks like when your teenager calls and says they have been drinking.

She shares a story about a recent moment with one of her adult children, all of whom are in their 20s and 30s, where she realized her own silence had built a wall. She drove to that child's house and apologized. What she saw in her child's face when she did is worth the whole episode.

If a specific child came to mind while reading this, that is probably the child worth thinking about today.

Listen In to Learn More

Protect your face the next time something hard happens. Before you react, take one breath. Loosen your shoulders. Decide that your first expression is going to be one that keeps the door open. It does not mean you do not address what happened. It means you address it without closing the relationship in the process.

If a specific child came to mind while listening to this episode, call them or go to them. Own your part, only your part, and apologize without expecting anything in return. Then ask to hear what you have been shutting out. Watch what happens to the room.

When your kids are little, they bring you broken toys. When they get older, they bring you broken hearts. And how you handle the toys determines whether they ever bring you the hearts.

In today’s episode, Rhonda and Melissa go deep on emotional safety: what it looks like, what destroys it, and what it takes to become the parent your child comes to first instead of last.

Rhonda walks through the behaviors that make a home emotionally unsafe without anyone meaning to create them: unpredictability, explosive reactions, dismissiveness, repeating what a child confides, correcting publicly, and comparing siblings. She shares two of the most powerful examples in the series so far: what a safe response looks like when your six-year-old comes home from a hard recess, and what it looks like when your teenager calls and says they have been drinking.

She shares a story about a recent moment with one of her adult children, all of whom are in their 20s and 30s, where she realized her own silence had built a wall. She drove to that child's house and apologized. What she saw in her child's face when she did is worth the whole episode.

If a specific child came to mind while reading this, that is probably the child worth thinking about today.

[0:00] What Makes a Home Emotionally Unsafe

[3:25] Walking on Eggshells and Parental Influence

[4:14] Stop the World and People Over Schedules

[6:59] Discernment: Heart-Share vs. Drama

[8:50] Stopping the World: The Field Trip Car Story

[11:18] Listening Without Fixing

[12:04] Presence Over Advice: Daniel's Cancer Story

[16:07] Why Fixing Too Fast Shuts Kids Down

[17:13] Protecting Your Face and First Reactions

[20:36] Body Language and Emotional Safety

[20:53] Six-Year-Old Recess Story: Safe vs. Unsafe Responses

[23:09] Long-Term Impact of Early Reactions

[24:49] Teen Drinking Call: Safe vs. Unsafe Responses

[26:16] Big Confessions and Unconditional Love

[27:48] Broken Toys, Broken Hearts, and Cars

[29:00] When You Get It Wrong as a Parent

[32:18] Parenting Adult Children and Ongoing Humility

[33:04] Apologizing Quickly and Building Trust

[35:01] Practical Ways to Build Emotional Safety

[36:19] Protecting Confidence, Correcting Privately

[37:32] Reflection Questions for Moms

[39:12] Silence, Eggshells, and Winning the Heart

[40:14] Applying Emotional Safety Beyond Parenting

Key Scripture

James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger."

Key Quotes

"Children don't need perfect parents. They need predictable ones."

"Sometimes your child needs your presence more than your advice."

"We can win the argument and lose access to our child's heart."

"Recognize your child's silence isn't always peace. Sometimes it's eggshells."

"Trust grows through repair. Children trust parents who repent."

"When they're little, they bring us broken toys. When they're older they bring us broken hearts."

Episode Takeaways

New episodes are released every Thursday.

Have a question for Rhonda? Email [email protected]

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Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com  

Did this episode make you laugh and think at the same time? Share it with a mom who needs both right now, and leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

When you walk into the room, does the energy shift? Do your kids quietly change their body language, their tone, their faces?

That is the eggshell test, and today’s episode, Rhonda invites every mom listening to take it honestly, not as condemnation, but as an invitation to look at the atmosphere they are creating and make some changes.

Rhonda and Melissa cover what it really means to love your kids well, including the ways parents provoke their children without realizing it, the heart-check questions worth sitting with, and why laughter is not a luxury in a home but a sign of safety.

She also talks about how to model not taking yourself too seriously, why laughter at someone's expense has no place in the home, and the simple habit of telling funny stories on yourself at the dinner table to build a culture where kids feel free to mess up, get back up, and laugh about it.

A joyful heart is good medicine. This episode is the prescription.

Key Takeaways 

[0:01:24] Loving Well and the Eggshell Test for Your Home 

[0:06:17] Common Ways Parents Provoke Their Children 

[0:10:15] Heart-Check Questions for Safe, Nurturing Parenting 

[0:12:34] Choosing Spontaneity Over the To-Do List 

[0:16:16] Walking Through Serious Seasons Without Losing Joy 

[0:20:27] Using Simple Family Fun to Shift the Atmosphere 

[0:22:17] Learning to Laugh at Yourself and Model Security 

[0:25:33] Sharing Personal Stories to Build a Culture of Joy 

[0:27:00] No Laughter at Someone's Expense in the Home 

[0:27:48] Examining Your Own Tone and Cultivating Positivity 

Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Ephesians 6:4 (referenced) "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

"If you don't like kids, why'd you have so many? That one shook me. I had some apologizing to do."

"When you walk into the room, does the demeanor shift? That's worth really thinking about."

"I put laugh on my to-do list. Many, many days, until it became part of a rhythm and part of me."

"There are seasons when laughter is put aside. And then we begin to add things back."

"Laugh with, never at. And make sure the whole family knows the difference."

Take the eggshell test this week. Think through each of your kids individually. Does this child feel safe coming to me? Would they say I enjoy being with them? If the answer for even one of them gives you pause, that is where to start. Not with guilt, just with a honest look and a conversation with God about what to do next.

Put one spontaneous thing on your schedule this week. It does not have to be big. Jump in a puddle. Sit down in the middle of the game. Put on a song and dance in the kitchen. Let your kids see you choose them over the list, just once, and see what it does to the room.

Tell a funny story about yourself at the dinner table. Something embarrassing, something from when you were their age, something that shows them you have been awkward and imperfect and you lived to laugh about it. That single habit, done consistently, builds a home where kids feel free.

Have a question for Rhonda? Submit it on cultivatingahome.com

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Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com 

Did this episode make you laugh and think at the same time? Share it with a mom who needs both right now, and leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts.

A homeschooling mom of seven. Her husband died suddenly. And every day she got in her van, drove a few doors down to a parking lot, and just sat there with God because it was the only place she could.

That is what a quiet time looks like when life is too full and too hard for anything neat or official.

On today's episode, Rhonda and Melissa wrap up their series on Spiritual Growth and get practical about the everyday habits that build a real faith: personal Bible study, prayer, scripture memory, community, and service. Not as a checklist, but as a relationship. Rhonda shares what she said to her kids when they would sit down with Proverbs at breakfast, how she used a pill bottle full of index cards to make scripture memory stick for different learning styles, and why the posture we bring to time with God matters more than the format.

She also closes with one of the most freeing reminders in the series: God is not keeping score. If you missed yesterday, or last week, or longer than that, He still says, "Come." Grace abounds. Do the next right thing and show up.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."

Psalm 42:1 "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God."

Psalm 119:11 "I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."

Galatians 5:13 (referenced) "Serve one another humbly in love."

Matthew 11:28 (referenced) "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

"Even in those times when the quiet time for us is just sitting in silence saying, Lord, I'm here. Will you meet me where I am? He's exchanging your heartache with His compassion."

"God is gentle. He doesn't reveal everything in our lives at once that we need to deal with. He shares things if we're listening and have a teachable heart."

"Grace abounds with Christ. Just pick up, do the next right thing, pick up where you left off."

"Serving starts in our home. When you get up to get ice cream, ask if anybody else wants some."

"We built our life on a rock. When rough times come, you have that foundation."

A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George

Warren Wiersbe

Beth Moore

Have a question for Rhonda? Submit it on cultivatingahome.com

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Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com 

What do you do when life falls apart, and you cannot fix it?

In Episode 16 of Cultivating a Home, Rhonda and Melissa step away from the practical and go somewhere deeper: the walk with Christ that makes every other part of home life possible. Rhonda shares what she has learned through decades of hard seasons, a builder who took their money and disappeared, a house sale that fell through, a traumatic brain injury, and the moment she sat in a college infirmary and quietly propped up her phone to take a picture as her son received a cancer diagnosis.

Rhonda introduces a simple yet profound framework that has changed how she approaches hard seasons: spiritual growth comes not from what we do but from what we believe. She walks through what it looks like to release rumination and give things to God, how to turn everyday kid problems into discipleship moments without manufacturing them, and why the times of deepest suffering have consistently been the times of closest intimacy with Christ.

They also discuss the stones of remembrance tradition her family keeps in their den, a container of flat stones with dates and moments written in Sharpie, each one a record of God's faithfulness through something hard.

Part one of two. Next week, the conversation moves into the practical side: Bible study, prayer, and scripture memory.

[0:01:46] When Crisis Becomes the Catalyst for Faith

[0:02:46] Spiritual Growth Comes From Belief, Not Busyness 

[0:04:35] Trusting God When Life Falls Apart 

[0:06:28] Don't Waste Your Suffering: Choosing Trust Over Escape 

[0:08:48] From Ruminating to Releasing: Letting God Carry the Load 

[0:10:45] Facing a Child's Cancer Diagnosis With a Trust-First Lens 

[0:12:35] Faith Over Feelings, Especially With Your Kids 

[0:13:34] Turning Everyday Kid Problems Into Discipleship Moments 

[0:15:30] Modeling Trust in Family Trials 

[0:16:33] Stones of Remembrance: Recording God's Faithfulness 

[0:19:18] Don't Waste a Crisis: Applying Scripture When It Hurts 

[0:21:23] Letting God Chisel Blind Spots and Heal Relationships 

[0:22:56] Practicing Silence in a Loud World 

[0:23:50] Be Still and Know: Meeting God in Creation

[0:24:33] Finding the Sweetness of God in Suffering 

[0:25:25] Spiritual Growth Starts With What You Believe About God

John 6:28-29 "When they said to him, 'What shall we do that we may work the works of God?' Jesus answered and said to them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.'"

Psalm 46:10 (referenced) "Be still and know that I am God."

"Spiritual growth comes not in what we do, but rather in what we believe. Spiritual growth comes from faith."

Resources + Links

Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

What if hospitality looked less like a dinner party and more like a prayer banner, a spiral notebook, and a backyard full of missionaries from around the world?

In this episode,  Rhonda and Melissa go beyond the meal and into the many creative ways a home can be used to love people well. Rhonda opens with the story of a middle school girl named Ashlyn who was fighting cancer, and how her family gathered a youth group, unrolled a roll of butcher paper, and sent a banner full of prayers and forged celebrity signatures to her hospital room.

From there, the conversation covers practical ways to lower the barriers that keep people from ever starting: go-to freezer meals, easy appetizers, what to keep on hand for last-minute company, and how to invite people who are different from you. Rhonda also shares what happened when she said yes to housing 16 missionary students in a rental property, and how that one decision turned into an annual tradition of hosting 100 people from around the world.

Luke 14:12-14 "He said also to the man who had invited him, 'When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or your rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.'"

"Don't let the fear of hearing no keep someone from ever having the opportunity to hear you're welcome here."

"Stop explaining your insecurities to your guests. You're putting them in an awkward position over something they were never even thinking about."

 Resources + Links

Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.