This week, artist Mike Sudal runs out of gas on his way to Italian mystery tuna, we miss our shot at a huge marble trout because our kid wants a new Transformer, nearly get sucked over the dam because our bathing suit is too tight, and forget to close our snap swivel in a moment of heat stroke-induced panic

This week, Wisconsin fly guide Tim Landwehr scolds you for sniffing all the purple bucktails, we set our eyebrows on fire in the middle of a flying ant hatch, reef on giant smallmouths while keeping a legend’s legs elevated, and mosh at the Pat Benatar show in a Green Bay basement.

This week, international fly guide Oliver Jones tanks a few beers and gets handsy with one of the deadliest animals on the planet, we nearly starve to death trying to get rich people on goliath tiger fish, run our tri-hull ski boat into the perfect marlin fishing storm, and apologize profusely for the amount of killer bees buzzing around your Waygu beef.

This week, Roel Trum of SPRO Europe explains why you’re lame if you troll where he lives, too, we throw massive poppers at fish that have no business eating them, rock Chuck Taylors on the courtesy dock before trashing a few asps, and decide once and for all that zander are much cooler than walleyes.

This week, Drew Price and Rowan Lytle return to Jersey for another shot at snakehead fly victory and fresh fruit salad, we embarrass ourselves in front of jobless girls in tiny bikinis, shred our feet on the way to anger management therapy, and throw our rods right into the middle of a government bowfin cover-up conspiracy

This week, fly guides Joe Demalderis and Pete Horger woo gas station girls with Kenny Loggins tracks and their black-belt rodent skills, we fight midnight brown trout with antacid and turkey subs, feed frogs to rock bass, and drop bad reviews because our coolers aren’t full.

This week, Rich Hohne reminisces about the best marlin dinner he ever ate and that one time he was a last-minute Esox hero, we complain about or swag bags and overcook the tuna, get hammered right before our presentation on skorts, and obtain special access to private ranches in Russia.

This week, Hank Shaw comes to New Jersey for a taste of snake venom and leaves with a subpar turkey hoagie, we travel to Mexico for the freshest nematode ceviche, throw frogs at bluefish and leave our sacks in the El Camino, and lose focus on ducks because someone passed us some ass cheese.

This week, tattoo artist Drew Wilson drops marabou jigs for Arkansas gators and fights a man in the bagel shop, we help a kid catch snakeheads by telling him to get a job, get dehydrated from the pain of a Philadelphia Eagles back piece, and invoke Aristotle to sell you a Zebco push-button combo.

This week, Miles Nolte has a cow at the video store and nearly drowns in front of Montana’s finest, we play Whiffle cricket with two kids who got stood up by their charter captain, lawyer up for the “Summer of the Snake,” and give a guide a terrible review because we couldn’t find the toilet.