Your weekend started on Friday night with a large pizza. You knew you really shouldn’t, considering you’d been putting on weight lately and it was probably time to cut back. When you ordered it, you told yourself this time you were going to leave half of it to eat tomorrow, but somehow, by the end of the night, all that pizza had found its way into your gut, along with several beers and a pint of ice cream.

Saturday morning found you squinting against the sunlight and wishing you hadn’t had so much to drink. To settle your stomach, you decided to make yourself a plate of scrambled eggs. There were four eggs left in the carton, which seemed like one too many, but two seemed like not enough and you didn’t want to leave just one, so you used all four. By then, it was nearly lunchtime, so not too long after, you fixed yourself a ham sandwich. The handful of chips you meant to eat turned into the whole damn bag. Then there were the pudding cups you snacked on throughout the afternoon.

By the time your usual suppertime rolled around, you felt like you had swallowed a bowling ball. You were vaguely queasy and lethargic and swore you weren’t going to eat another bite until Monday.

Around 11 pm, you woke up from your food coma and actually were a bit peckish. You pulled up the pizza delivery app on your phone but then closed it back out, remembering what had happened the night before. Besides, you had food in the house, you reasoned, and getting delivery so often was really making your bank account take a hit as well as your waistline. Frozen pizza rolls it was, then! Those bags were so small, though. So again, you ate everything and discarded the bag without looking at the nutrition facts label. You wished you hadn’t eaten all the ice cream the night before, but a small–ok, a regular–bowl of cereal was an acceptable (healthy, even!) dessert instead.

Sunday you awoke feeling much better than Saturday. Sundays you often went over to your folks’ for lunch, and so you skipped breakfast since your mom always put out a good spread of food. By the time you arrived, your stomach was roaring with hunger. You tried not to make a pig of yourself, but it was hard, and you just couldn’t resist hitting the drive through for a couple of burgers on your way home, where you zoned out in front of the TV with your hand idly rubbing a belly that definitely hadn’t been there a year ago. You felt huge.

The Sunday lunch and the fast food still sitting heavily in your belly should have stopped you from ordering delivery for dinner, but it didn’t. And they gave you two sets of utensils because you ordered enough for two people. You had meant the second meal to be leftovers for your lunch tomorrow, but of course it found its way into your overloaded stomach as well. Stifling a series of embarrassing belches, you waddled off to bed early because you were too full to do anything else.

Monday morning, you tried to fasten up your work slacks, and they were uncomfortably tight. Just like the previous Monday, only maybe worse. Your shirt buttons were straining too, probably getting to be inappropriate for the office.

Starting right now, you were definitely going to take it easy!

Either that or buy some bigger clothes…

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