So, you probably have a dad who scolds you when you do something wrong or gives you long lectures about things that don’t really matter. Maybe he has some boring, lame job and does nothing at home but watch television and drink beer. Sometimes he tells pretty awful dad jokes but that’s as bad as it gets. You think you’re pretty unlucky right? Well wait until you hear about MY dad.

Now make sure you stay with me because this story gets worse and worse. I’m the only child of a woman named Janet and a man named Felix. When I was ten years old, they made me sit down on the living room couch and had ‘the talk’ with me. No, not the birds and the bees talk. It went like this.

“Brian, I am no longer in love with your father. We have decided to go our separate ways. Because you are a boy, we decided that you would live with your father. I am moving to Australia but I will make an effort to see you on birthdays, holidays and other special days.” my mom said.

“In other words, we are getting a divorce. It’s when married people are no longer legally obligated to stay together.” my dad added.

“Obligated?” I asked, nearly in tears.

“Never mind son. Mom is moving out tomorrow.” he replied.

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