✅ How to avoid creating performance identities in your kids

✅ Why "consistency compounds" in parenting just like investing

✅ The 4 legs of legacy (hint: wealth is only 25% of it!) 

✅ How to have intentional family vision meetings that actually work

LEAVE DADAWESOME A VOICEMAIL: speakpipe.com/DadAwesome

FULL SHOW NOTES: https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/394

SUMMARY

What if the words you speak as a dad today become your child's inner voice for decades to come? In this episode, Lance Welch—dad of three adult entrepreneurs and grandfather of two—shares how he moved from being a "dictator dad" to a "friend dad" while building intentional multi-generational impact. You'll discover the four stages of fatherhood, why creating performance identities in our kids backfires, and how to transition from survival-mode parenting to legacy-building leadership in your family.

• There are four distinct stages of fatherhood: dictator dad (young kids), consultant dad (asking "what would you do?"), advocate dad (letting them make mistakes), and friend dad (adult relationships)
• Consistency compounds—whether in finances or fatherhood, small intentional actions over time create massive impact
• Avoid creating performance identities in your children by celebrating the "gain" (progress made) rather than focusing on the "gap" (falling short of perfection)
• Choose your inconvenience: invest time teaching skills on the front end rather than being constantly inconvenienced doing everything yourself
• The four legs of legacy are vision, values, knowledge, and wealth—with wealth being only one-fourth of what you pass down
• Empty nest doesn't have to mean relationship decline—40% of couples divorce during this transition, but it can be your greatest season yet

Lance Welch is a legacy navigator, leadership coach, and author of "Legacy Navigator: Creating Intentional Multi-Generational Impact." Along with his wife, he hosts the "Beyond the Nest" podcast, helping couples thrive during the empty nest transition. After spending decades in corporate leadership at a Fortune 100 company, Lance now coaches business leaders and families on creating intentional impact. He and his wife have been married for 37 years, have three adult sons who are all entrepreneurs, and are proud grandparents of two. They live in the Nashville area of Tennessee.

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• Legacy Navigator by Lance Welch
• Beyond the Nest Podcast with Lance and his wife
• The Gap and the Gain by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan
• First Friday Discussion Guide (Free download from Lance's website)
•  

✅ Why Kobe chose carpool line over million-dollar meetings

✅ The "TEA" framework (Time, Energy, Attention) that will transform your fathering

✅ Simple practices like 10-minute wrestling time and Wine Wednesdays that create deep family connection

Life moves fast, and without intentional direction, we can end up achieving things that don't actually matter. In this episode, John Olinger—former Nike executive and global brand director for Kobe Bryant—shares how tragedy, transition, and the halfway point of life led him to redefine success. You'll hear about his "TEA" framework (Time, Energy, Attention), why Kobe chose carpool line over meetings, and how simple practices like 10-minute wrestling sessions and Wine Wednesdays can transform your family relationships.

• Winning is subjective—you must define what success looks like for your family before you can achieve it
• Your Time, Energy, and Attention (TEA) are finite resources that must be strategically invested in what matters most
• The halfway point of life (around age 40) is a crucial inflection point for dads to pause and redirect toward meaningful priorities
• Quality connection moments with kids don't require huge time investments—10 minutes of wrestling or monthly birthday dates can be transformational
• Relationships matter more than accomplishments, and great stories require embracing challenge and difficulty
• Creating structured connection points (like Wine Wednesdays for marriage) protects what's most important from the chaos of daily life

1. "Winning is subjective. And the only way you can win is if you get extremely clear about what it means to win." - John Olinger
2. "We're under attack all day long from distractions, our brains playing tricks on us about what things are fulfilling in the moment, going after short hits of dopamine, chasing success and accomplishments at the expense of other things." - John Olinger
3. "The reason why [Kobe] worked out at 4am was because he wanted to be there in the morning when his kids got up and before they went to school... At two o'clock, he's done. Hard stop. Why? He's got to go to the carpool line." - John Olinger
4. "Can you just pause and say, what's one thing that's simple that I could apply to point into the relationships with the people that matter the most to me?" - John Olinger
5. "If I'm halfway done, that means that every year for the rest of my life is gonna be between one and 2% of the remaining amount of my life. Do I wanna wait for later to do the things that are most important?" - John Olinger

John Olinger is the author of "Worthy Wins: Pointing Your Life Toward What Matters Most" and a former Nike executive who served as global brand director for Kobe Bryant. After over a decade at Nike, John made a cross-country move with his family to Florida, choosing intentional fatherhood over corporate climbing. He and his wife have three boys (ages 10, 8, and 5) and are passionate about helping other parents define and pursue what truly matters most. John speaks and consults on leadership, purpose, and the intersection of success and significance.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• "Worthy Wins: Pointing Your Life Toward What Matters Most" by John Olinger
• DadAwesome ACCELERATOR Coaching Groups

✅ Why you should train your child in the way THEY should go (not your way)

✅ How failing forward teaches your kids resilience better than perfect parenting

✅ The 4 pillars that transform boys into men: Identity, Strength, Courage, Influence

✅ Why showing up consistently matters more than having all the answers

When you move your family halfway around the world to serve fatherless boys, you quickly discover that you're learning as much about fatherhood as you're teaching. In this episode, Bryan Greenwood shares 11 years of discoveries from Thailand—from building the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand to creating government-approved mentorship programs for at-risk youth. You'll hear why your kids need to see you failing forward, how to train them in the way THEY should go (not the way you want them to go), and why showing up consistently matters more than having all the answers.

• Train up your child in the way THEY should go, not the way you want them to go—this requires discovering their unique identity and strengths
• Your kids need to see you failing forward and living with purpose beyond just being a great dad
• Consistent presence matters more than perfect parenting—just showing up creates lasting impact
• Create safe environments where your kids can respectfully disagree and engage in real dialogue
• You'll never know who you are until you know who your Father is—this principle transforms both dads and kids
• The four pillars of strong character: Identity (knowing who you are), Strength (putting gifts under pressure), Courage (living for others), and Influence (natural result of the first three)

Bryan Greenwood is the founder of Outboundlife Inc, a ministry focused on assisting the fatherless through mentoring young men. For over 13 years, Bryan and his wife Valerie have lived in Northern Thailand, creating mentorship programs now integrated into the Thai Department of Probation system. Their work targets young men leaving orphanages, foster care, juvenile prison, and those at risk of human trafficking. They've built the largest amateur football league in Northern Thailand as a "fishing pond" for identifying young men who need fathering. Bryan and Valerie have two adult children and continue their mission of helping boys discover their identity, develop strength, find courage, and use their influence.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome

• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Outboundlife Inc Ministry
• DadAwesome Accelerator

✅ Why weakness connects you deeper with your kids than strength ever could

✅ How to transform your dinner table into sacred space

✅ Ancient practices that can revolutionize your modern family

✅ The power of prayer retreats for busy dads

SUMMARY

What if your family isn't broken and doesn't need fixing—but is actually a garden that needs nurturing? In this episode, Dave Brickey shares how shifting from a mechanical mindset to an agricultural approach transforms fatherhood. You'll discover why your weaknesses connect you deeper with your kids than your strengths ever could, and how simple practices like prayer retreats and sacred family meals can become life-changing rhythms. Plus, Dave opens up about his wife's miraculous healing and how walking through valleys as a family creates unbreakable bonds.

1. "My strength points my kids to me as their savior, but my weakness points them to who my savior is."
2. "Our families aren't broken and need fixing—they are gardens in need of nurturing."
3. "The beauty of parenting is marked more by weakness than strength. No one has a bird's eye view into the messiness of someone's life other than a spouse and children—they see it all."
4. "You can change behavior through control, but you cannot change a heart."
5. "Isolation puts a magnifying glass on pain, and us guys—some of us are professional isolators."

• The depth of relationship you experience with teenagers was built during their childhood years through consistent presence and creating a safe space
• An agricultural approach to family life focuses on long-term nurturing rather than quick fixes and immediate results
• Ancient practices like prayer retreats, sacred meals, and singing together can transform modern family life
• Weakness and vulnerability in parenting creates deeper connection than always being the strong hero
• Spiritual family—mentors, spiritual grandparents, and community—multiplies the impact of seeing, knowing, and celebrating your children
• Isolation magnifies pain, while community provides perspective and hope during difficult seasons

Dave Brickey is a lead pastor in the Northwest suburbs of Minnesota and father of four children in the graduation phase. He and his wife Stephanie describe their family life as a "beautiful mess." Dave is passionate about helping families shift from mechanical thinking to agricultural approaches in parenting and faith. He advocates for ancient practices like prayer retreats, sacred family meals, and building spiritual community as essential elements of thriving family life.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
•  [email protected]
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Pacem in Terrace Prayer Retreat Center https://www.paceminterris.org/
• Wilderness Fellowship Prayer Center https://www.wildernessfellowship.com/
• Dave Brickey's "Machines to Gardens" message (church resource) -  (start at 45 minutes)

🎯 Are you aiming at the right target as a dad? Josh Kubler joins us with game-changing insights from Manhood Journey's survey of 6,000 Christian fathers.

The stats might surprise you:

• Only 22% regularly read Scripture with their kids
• 78% don't spend intentional time discipling their children
• Less than 17% pray regularly as a family beyond meals and bedtime

But here's the good news—these aren't defeating numbers, they're opportunities! 💪

SUMMARY:

What does it really look like to prepare our children for the spiritual battles ahead? In this episode, Josh Kubler from Manhood Journey shares eye-opening insights from their massive survey of 6,000 Christian fathers—and the results might surprise you. Plus, he opens up about his family's foster care and adoption journey, the sanctifying power of stewardship over ownership, and why viewing our children as "arrows in the hand of a warrior" changes everything about our parenting approach.

TAKEAWAYS:

• 📖 Only 22% of Christian fathers regularly read their Bible with their children—but that's not a defeating number, it's an opportunity for intentional growth.
• 🏠 Foster care taught one powerful lesson: we're stewards, not owners, of ALL our children—biological or adopted.
• 🚁 Instead of helicopter or submarine parenting, find the middle ground that cultivates independence and decision-making in your kids.
• 👀 Your children know what's truly important to you—they can tell if baseball matters more than church or if stress matters more than presence.
• 💪 The goal isn't perfection; it's purposefulness. When we fail, we apologize, model humility, and show our kids we need Jesus too.
• 🎯 If our target is anything other than our children loving God, enjoying Him, and bringing Him glory, we're aiming at the wrong target.

GUEST

Josh Kubler is the Director of Church Engagement for Manhood Journey and one of the founding pastors of Redeemer Baptist Church in Olive Branch, Mississippi. Josh and his wife Katie have five children, including two daughters adopted through foster care. He's passionate about equipping fathers and churches to raise the next generation for God's glory. Fun fact: Josh grew up with some unique pets—including three cougars, a wolf, and two skunks!

https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/390

LINKS

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome https://www.speakpipe.com/DadAwesome
• Dad Awesome Accelerator Coaching: https://dadawesome.org/coaching
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• State of Biblical Fatherhood Report: https://manhoodjourney.org/state-of-biblical-fatherhood
• Manhood Journey Resources: https://manhoodjourney.org 

🥝 32 years avoiding kiwi fruit. One taste changed everything. What if the same breakthrough is waiting in your fatherhood?

Jeff Zaugg's Father's Day message will shift how you see those "annoying" parenting moments:

✅ Why pace, pain, people & perspective steal your wonder (and how to fight back)

✅ The Hebrew word "tov" that unlocks God's explosive delight in creation

✅ How a simple cup of water can activate you to lead with awe instead of annoyance

This isn't just inspiration—it's activation. You'll walk away with the Fight or Flight Dad Challenge that turns ordinary moments into opportunities to treasure your calling.

https://www.dadawesome.org/blog/389

Wonder isn't just a nice feeling—it's a weapon against the thieves trying to steal your joy as a dad. In this powerful Father's Day message, Jeff Zaugg reveals how a simple kiwi fruit taught him the difference between avoidance and amazement, and why the words "stop and consider God's wonders" could transform your entire approach to fatherhood. From bedtime water requests to marriage struggles, discover how ordinary moments become opportunities to fight for your family with eyes of awe.

• Wonder multiplies when we move from avoidance to curiosity—God's goodness is waiting to be discovered and shared
• Four thieves steal our capacity for awe: pace (hurried living), pain (unhealed wounds), people (unforgiveness), and perspective (familiarity)
• The "tov" principle shows us God's explosive delight in creation and invites us to mirror that same wonder toward our children
• A dad who fights for his family anchors on three words: loved (secure identity), learner (humble growth), and leader (purposeful connection)
• Simple triggers like a cup of water can activate us to lead with wonder instead of annoyance

Jeff Zaugg is the founder of DadAwesome and host of over 390 podcast episodes, helping fathers across the country discover the joy of fatherhood. Through his work with FATHERS FOR THE FATHERLESS, he's mobilized over 1,100 men through endurance challenges that have raised over $1 million for vulnerable children. Jeff believes the single greatest gift dads can give their children is the gift of presence—being fully with them in each moment. He and his wife Michelle have been married for eighteen years and are parents to four daughters, currently based in Northeast Florida, where you'll find him surfing with his girls or building epic backyard rope swings.

• "We honor God in heaven by treasuring the gift of fatherhood, not just enduring it."
• "Wonder isn't the absence of pain, but the ability to see God's beauty and goodness even in our suffering."
• "You gotta be son awesome before you try to show up as dad awesome—get soaking wet with God's love first."
• "Our pace robs us of awe. When there's no space to gaze, celebrate, or pause, we can't encounter God's goodness."
• "I want to get to the rocking chair with love on my heart, not unforgiveness weighing me down."
• "We can choose to treasure fatherhood or endure fatherhood—familiarity keeps us from wonder."
• "A cup of water can activate us to lead with wonder instead of moving toward annoyance."

Ken Sande joins us for PART 2 to share game-changing tools every dad needs:

✅ The SOG Plan: Self-aware, Other-aware, God-aware conflict resolution

✅ The SERVE Acrostic: How to love your wife like Christ loves the church

✅ Why bringing the gospel beats lecturing every time

Every dad faces conflict at home, but most of us handle it all wrong. In this episode, Ken Sande shares powerful tools that will transform how you navigate family tension. You'll discover the SOG plan for conflict resolution, learn the SERVE acrostic for loving your wife well, and hear an incredible story about how bringing the gospel to his 12-year-old daughter melted her rebellious heart in seconds. These aren't just concepts—they're practical tools you can use tonight.

• The SOG plan (Self-aware, Other-aware, God-aware) breaks the cycle of self-justification and blame in family conflicts.
• Asking "What would please and honor God right now?" can instantly transform heated arguments into opportunities for growth.
• The SERVE acrostic gives dads a clear roadmap for loving their wives: Smile, Explore, Reconcile, Value, Encourage.
• Bringing the gospel to your kids is more powerful than any lecture—it softens hearts and creates lasting change.
• When daddy comes home, the whole household should light up because you've learned to put wind under everyone's wings.

Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and Relational Wisdom 360. As a lawyer turned peacemaker, he has helped resolve over 600 family conflicts, including 300+ marriages headed for divorce. Ken is the author of multiple books on conflict resolution and relational wisdom. He and his wife Corlette have been married for nearly 40 years and are more in love today than ever before.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Learn about the DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Peacemaker Ministries
• Relational Wisdom 360
• Ken Sande's Blog on Humility, Teachability, and Flexibility
• Seven Steps to Empathy Resource
• Young Peacemaker Curriculum (The 5 A's for Kids)

✅ The Seven A's of confession (and why "I'm sorry" isn't enough for deep healing)

✅ How to break the cycle of emotionally stunted men in your family line

✅ The 6-second technique that can save your marriage and your relationships with your kids

✅ Why going "upstream" is better than constantly putting out fires

What if the reason marriages grow cold after the honeymoon year isn't about compatibility, but about something dads never learned to model? In this episode, Ken Sande reveals how emotionally stunted men are created when fathers never show their kids how to say "I'm sorry" or "I need help." You'll discover the Seven A's of confession that can break generational patterns and the upstream approach to preventing conflict before it starts. Plus, Ken shares practical tools for managing your emotions in the heat of the moment—including the six-second technique that can save your tongue from doing damage.

• More people are watching your responses to conflict than you realize—about 10 times more—and you're teaching through your reactions.
• The Seven A's of confession provide a framework for meaningful apologies that actually heal relationships rather than just checking a box.
• Emotional stunting passes from generation to generation when fathers never model humility, confession, or asking for help.
• The READ technique (Recognize, Evaluate, Anticipate, Direct) helps you manage amygdala hijacking and respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.
• Going "upstream" to prevent conflict through relational wisdom is more effective than constantly putting out the fires of broken relationships.
• Your royal identity as a child of God, friend of Jesus, and ambassador of reconciliation should shape how you lead your family 24/7.

Ken Sande founded Peacemaker Ministries and Relational Wisdom 360, organizations focused on conflict resolution and relationship skills. After 30 years of mediating conflicts—including over 600 divorce cases with more than half reconciling—Ken shifted focus to go "upstream" and help people prevent conflict through biblical emotional intelligence. He's the author of multiple books on peacemaking and relational wisdom, and lives in Billings, Montana, where he enjoys hiking and backpacking with his family and grandchildren.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Young Peacemaker Curriculum (The 5 A's for Kids)
• Discovering Relational Wisdom Online Course
• Relational Peacemaking Course
• Relational Wisdom 360 (RW360.org)
• Peacemaker Ministries resources
• Six Skills That Help Every Relationship
• Three Qualities Blog

✅ Why smartphones make us feel god-like (and why that's dangerous)

✅ The 4 research-backed rules for kids and technology

✅ How a church-wide digital fast transformed an entire community

✅ What a therapy dog named Bruce taught him about presence

SUMMARY:

Parenting teenagers in a digital world feels impossible—especially when you're struggling with your own phone addiction. In this episode, Darren Whitehead (dad of 4 teenage girls) shares how he led his entire church through a 40-day digital fast and discovered the secret to high-definition parenting. You'll hear why smartphones make us feel god-like, how to have the phone conversation with your kids, and what a Havanese dog named Bruce taught him about presence.

FULL SHOW NOTES:

Key Takeaways:

• Smartphones simulate God's attributes (omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence) and we weren't built for limitless power
• Collective action is more effective than individual willpower—do digital fasts as a community, not alone
• No smartphones before high school, no social media before 16, phone-free schools, and more unsupervised outdoor play
• When you put your phone down, you experience parenting in "high definition"—fully present and aware of these fleeting moments
• The most precious moments with your kids are being exchanged for infinitely trivial distractions

Guest

Darren Whitehead is the author of The Digital Fast and senior pastor of Journey Church in Franklin, Tennessee. He's a former youth pastor turned girl dad of four teenage daughters (ages 11, 14, 16, and 18). Darren has led thousands of people through digital detoxes and speaks regularly about technology, parenting, and spiritual formation. He and his wife live in Tennessee with their daughters and Bruce, their Havanese therapy dog.

Links Mentioned:

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Apply to join the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort: Email [email protected]
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• The Digital Fast by Darren Whitehead
• Journey Church Franklin, Tennessee
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
• Sissy Goff (teenage girl counselor)

✅ Why most dads get generosity completely wrong (and how to flip the script)

✅ Fun tactics to teach young kids the joy of giving (the $20 tip story will blow your mind!)

✅ The simple 4-pillar framework that works at any income level

✅ How money lies to our families about security, control, and happiness

SUMMARY

Money whispers lies to our kids every single day—promising security, control, and happiness it can never deliver. In this powerful episode, Todd Harper shares how his son went from declaring "I'm going to be filthy rich and never give a dollar away" at 15 to sacrificially giving a third of his salary before his death at 26. You'll discover why most dads approach generosity as an "ought to" instead of a "get to," practical ways to make giving fun for young kids, and Todd's simple four-pillar framework that works regardless of your income level.

• The switch from "ought to" to "get to" changes everything about generosity—and kids can smell obligation from a mile away
• Once someone tastes the joy of giving, they never go back; Todd has never met a "former generous person"
• Simple tactics like leaving a $20 tip on a $3 check and watching through the window create unforgettable generosity moments for kids
• The four pillars of stewardship: Work diligently, give generously, save responsibly, live contentedly
• Money lies to us about security, control, happiness, and affirmation—contentment isn't tied to financial realities
• Taking kids to serve special needs children or experiencing international poverty shatters entitlement and builds gratitude
• The 1% challenge: increase your giving by 1% each year and watch God's faithfulness compound over decades

Todd Harper is a passionate advocate for biblical generosity and the heart behind Generous Giving, where he's spent 25 years helping families discover the joy of open-handed living. Married to his college sweetheart for 37 years, Todd is a father of eight kids (five biological, three through marriage) and is about to become a grandfather. After losing his eldest son Davis seven and a half years ago, Todd has gained a deeper perspective on eternal values and the importance of living with heaven in view. Through Generous Giving, he's worked with families across the wealth spectrum, helping them experience the life-changing shift from obligation-based giving to joy-filled generosity.

• Send a Voice Message to DadAwesome
• Learn about the next DadAwesome Accelerator Cohort
• Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word "Dad" to (651) 370-8618
• Generous Giving: www.generousgiving.org
• Journey of Generosity experiences
• National Christian Foundation
• Nathaniel's Hope (Make Them Smile events)

"We can't BS our kids. They read through all of it. If we're generous out of obligation, it's not going to translate differently for them."

"I've never met a former generous person."

"The world of the generous gets larger and larger. The world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller."

"Everybody wants to experience a miracle, but nobody wants to be in a position to need one."

"Money, money, money—all I really want is my dad to know my friends' names."

Davis Harper’s gift to his dad on his 50th birthday:

1) I love how you love mom. Your marriage is such a great example to me. 

2) I love how you brag on your kids. You're always telling someone about the cool things your kids are doing. 

3) I love that you love watching basketball with me and asking questions. You want to know my world. 

4) I love that you took us on trips growing up, im learning the value of all those experiences as I grow up. 

5) I love how international you are about family time. You are the most happy whenever you are with your family. 

6) I love that you are active. It's bad to the bone that you still cycle and golf and water ski, you're a total cool dad! 

7) I love your saying "pay for experiences, not stuff" 

8) I love hearing how good a friend you are to people. People are always telling me how incredible of a friend you are to them. 

9) I love that you're a reader. You're always telling me about something you're reading or something I should check out. 

10) I love that you unconditionally love me. Your example of how to love your wife and kids is incredible.