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Darth Math
Somewhere in a distant land...there exists a boardroom that never ends, and held within, a conference table like an infinite span of mahogany road, paved only with good intentions. The boardroom was dark, as phosphorescence had fled some time ago, and the crackling warbles of billions of lost souls who joined meetings with poor reception, echoed incoherent and for all of time across the yawning expanse of space. To plumb these depths is a feat made possible only by those initiated and lucky for one young acolyte, he had been just recently. Lanyard banging against his dark robes as he ran the room, the young wonk-in-training had finally come upon his quarry at the end of the path, a darkened silhouette just ahead, bowing prostrate before the projected brilliance of a towering PowerPoint slide. The acolyte skidded to a halt, the soles of his new balances screeching out in chorus with the distorted cries of the lost. “My lord!” The boy said in between gulps of air, he clutched his knees to steady himself, and then maintained a deep bow, “My Lord Darth Math...I-I-have a message...”
Darth Math rose to his feet, dark robes unfurling like the black flag on a Pirate schooner, “Speak... Boy.” He said.
“I-I-It’s Jack and Cait my Lord” said the boy, “They’re out in the open! Traveling! going to a funeral, right now!” And at these words, for the first time since he had been known as Mayor Pete, Darth Math smiled and his teeth glinted with the brilliance of the projected PowerPoint, like moonlight’s favor on the tip of a bared blade. The boy dared to behold his master in this moment and spoke out before his own courage fled him, “Will you use your Dark Maths on them Lord?” asked the boy.
Darth Math chuckled at this, a sound not unlike a scratch vigorously itched, “Aye my boy..” He said already making dark gesticulations toward the PowerPoint slide, and when the boy looked to the slide, he found that it had changed, it had become...more. Where once there was empty space, appeared points-of-bullet, and dark sigils from the line-of-graph seemed to have sprouted their wretched heads, while infernal symbols from the charts-of-pie appear to have oozed their way into being. Darth Math looked upon his work with one living eye and said, “Let’s just say that Jack and Cait are in for a...tire-some weekend.”
Topics Discussed on today's episode include: Friday the 13th, JackAm Starwars Holiday Special, JackAm Vacay, Who’s Running: Biden, Bloomberg & Darth Math, Harvey Wants a Pat(on the back) and WeWork Drama!
Episode originally aired live on Twitch on Monday 12/16/19 - VOD link for this episode here:
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/522292289
SUBSCRIBE TO THE CELEB NEWS RIDE HOME PODCAST! AVAILABLE ON ALL MAJOR PODCASTING PLATFORMS: https://www.ridehome.info/podcast/celeb-news-ride-home/
Buy JackAM merch: https://jackam.tv/shop/
Donate to JackAM!: https://streamelements.com/jackam/tip
View all episodes
By JackAM
4.9
6060 ratings
Somewhere in a distant land...there exists a boardroom that never ends, and held within, a conference table like an infinite span of mahogany road, paved only with good intentions. The boardroom was dark, as phosphorescence had fled some time ago, and the crackling warbles of billions of lost souls who joined meetings with poor reception, echoed incoherent and for all of time across the yawning expanse of space. To plumb these depths is a feat made possible only by those initiated and lucky for one young acolyte, he had been just recently. Lanyard banging against his dark robes as he ran the room, the young wonk-in-training had finally come upon his quarry at the end of the path, a darkened silhouette just ahead, bowing prostrate before the projected brilliance of a towering PowerPoint slide. The acolyte skidded to a halt, the soles of his new balances screeching out in chorus with the distorted cries of the lost. “My lord!” The boy said in between gulps of air, he clutched his knees to steady himself, and then maintained a deep bow, “My Lord Darth Math...I-I-have a message...”
Darth Math rose to his feet, dark robes unfurling like the black flag on a Pirate schooner, “Speak... Boy.” He said.
“I-I-It’s Jack and Cait my Lord” said the boy, “They’re out in the open! Traveling! going to a funeral, right now!” And at these words, for the first time since he had been known as Mayor Pete, Darth Math smiled and his teeth glinted with the brilliance of the projected PowerPoint, like moonlight’s favor on the tip of a bared blade. The boy dared to behold his master in this moment and spoke out before his own courage fled him, “Will you use your Dark Maths on them Lord?” asked the boy.
Darth Math chuckled at this, a sound not unlike a scratch vigorously itched, “Aye my boy..” He said already making dark gesticulations toward the PowerPoint slide, and when the boy looked to the slide, he found that it had changed, it had become...more. Where once there was empty space, appeared points-of-bullet, and dark sigils from the line-of-graph seemed to have sprouted their wretched heads, while infernal symbols from the charts-of-pie appear to have oozed their way into being. Darth Math looked upon his work with one living eye and said, “Let’s just say that Jack and Cait are in for a...tire-some weekend.”
Topics Discussed on today's episode include: Friday the 13th, JackAm Starwars Holiday Special, JackAm Vacay, Who’s Running: Biden, Bloomberg & Darth Math, Harvey Wants a Pat(on the back) and WeWork Drama!
Episode originally aired live on Twitch on Monday 12/16/19 - VOD link for this episode here:
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/522292289
SUBSCRIBE TO THE CELEB NEWS RIDE HOME PODCAST! AVAILABLE ON ALL MAJOR PODCASTING PLATFORMS: https://www.ridehome.info/podcast/celeb-news-ride-home/
Buy JackAM merch: https://jackam.tv/shop/
Donate to JackAM!: https://streamelements.com/jackam/tip