That monster under your bed keeps you up at night with its rancid vibes and bad takes, but it can make you laugh like no one else. A werewolf keeps showing up at your work and demanding to speak to your manager, and you can't help but notice they are kind of cute. That's not your enemy; that's your enemy to lover! Seething disdain and tension so thick you could choke on it can only be a good boon for your future relationship.

CW: implied homophobia, stalking, incest, twilight, nuclear weapons. Featuring: a brief lesson in media literacy; "You" spoilers; Spooky News!; New Kink Alert!; fanfic watch; the Kennedy’s strike again; Ben Franklin; a lot of sound effects

We are proud to be part of the Sword and Key network. Our music is by the handsome and second-most-eligible bachelor in North America, Nick Lambert. Find him on Instagram @lambertropolis.