http://traffic.libsyn.com/bminusshow/dating_a_chick_with_a_kid_or_kids.mp3

I was asked the other day what I thought about dating a chick that has a kid. Although I have a soon to be step son, I never really contemplated answering the question for another person.

The short answer is that “it depends.”

I will try my best to sum up my thoughts on the matter here with a few considerations.

1. Age / maturity level

The guy who asked me this question is a younger guy, at least compared to me. He is about 26, and I am 39. I bring this up because I think age is something to consider.

With age, I really mean on how mature you are, regardless of your age. With my own experience, it took a lot of communication to make things work once I got to a serious level of dating with my significant other. More on this later.

On the flip side, when I was in my early 20’s, I was almost repelled at the thought of dating or hooking up with any chick with a kid.

2. Seriousness of the relationship

There are multiple perspectives on this subject. Generally speaking, some people don’t have a problem dating a chick with a kid casually. However, when things get to a more serious level, stuff kinda changes.

For example, you have to consider if there is baby daddy drama. Is the “real” dad involved in the kids life? Is he cool? Does he have his own life?

I bring this up because the kids dad is going to come up at one point. And you have to realize, you are not the “real” dad and never will be. However, you will share a grunt of responsibilities with sometimes minimal recognition from anybody (including the kid or his mom aka your GF).

I lucked out; my future step sons’ dad is a cool dude. YES, things get awkward at times, but it progressed and got easier as time passed. Fingers crossed that it continues that way.

I also know a couple dudes that had shitty baby daddies, i.e. the ones who act entitled, give you hell, want to fight and don’t even contribute a penny and hardly any time or share of the real responsibilities (like taking the kid to school/practice or chipping in for new shoes).

There are numerous variations of situations to consider before moving past casual dating.

3. Communication skills

I almost didn’t want to make this a point, but some people don’t know what this means. I think you need some great verbal judo and skills in order to maintain a relationship like this.

I remember countless nights of disagreements and misunderstandings pertaining to how the kid should be raised, how to discipline, you know, shit like that.

It paid off though because I finally feel we found a great combination of compromise, understanding and stuff like that. My price was (besides financially you right brainers) late night discussions, many times when I wasn’t in the mood.

Some situations are easier and some aren’t. I just think you have to be able to speak with your partner well about your feelings and thoughts and find a happy medium. Oh, I also read a book and a few articles to feed my mind, but that was only supplementary to my efforts.

4. Attraction levels

I think attraction is likely the most important piece of the puzzle. I mean, if you were dating a chick just because she has a kid and you didn’t actually like her or thought she was fine as shit, you have issues.

I think you should get in a relationship with a person because you are attracted to them and want to be with them often. Yes, she is hot, but you can’t omit the child if you want to be in it.

Some people magically think the kid will disappear or something because the kid is with dad when you are having individual dates with your hot date. Well,