I have not been out here very long; the dating scene that is. Obviously, being a rookie, I signed up for all the dating apps. I was remembering my grandfathers' motto about prescription pills... "If one is good, then three are better". He died young.

Across the dating apps, you see many of the same women, who are also exploring their app options. My friends warned me not to sign up for Tinder, so of course, I immediately signed up for it. It's definitely shady around the edges, but they are all pretty much the same... photos and limited information.

I'm not sure what you can tell about a woman from a few photos and bullet points. But you do start to learn how the "system" functions. Step one, I start "liking" a few profiles. A couple of days go by... nothing is happening. Maybe I am not doing it right, and my "likes" are not going through. I mean, I know I am a good catch. I try "liking" a few more... nothing... not even any views. This is starting to feel like a waste of time. Maybe "likes" are not enough, I add a message, "Hi!". There we go, now I am getting a few views... but no replies. I actually read the complete profile, or at least what is provided, which sometimes is not much. I decide to send a longer message, "Hi Claire, I also enjoy bike riding!" Bingo. "Hi Steve, where do you ride?"

Someone should write a tutorial for women on how to create their profiles. A single profile photo consisting of a flower, may have some important meaning, but as a guy, the meaning is lost on me. Photos of you lying in bed, or in skimpy outfits will probably get you a lot of attention, we all know men are visual beings, but I don't think most women are seeking the kind of guy who only responds to that. It feels... desperate. There is also some irony in posting a suggestive photo, and then saying "No Hook-ups". We are but men, and just not that smart.

Bullshit! Profiles are mostly bullshit. Photos from high school, weird angles, filters on every photo or no pictures of you standing. The only people who like photos of women with cutesy filters... are other women. As a guy, I don't need 20 photos either. If I see 20 photos, there is going to be one you wanted to share, maybe because it was taken at a hip place, but where you just don't look your best. I will assume you probably look no better than your worst photo. I'm not bothered by photos where your ex is cut off, it shows how you looked when you were happy with a man. Four photos is plenty, provided they are recent. Neither of us benefits from seeing how you used to look.... it's not like that is coming back.

Women seem to be more honest in their words, than their photos. Still, turnoffs for me, and I assume for most men, are statements like: "Trying this again", "My friend put me up to this", "Don't waste my time", "No Hookups", "Seeking marriage minded only", "I'll fill this in later", "Seeking that special someone (puke)". I also don't really need a detailed breakdown of who you are looking for, my profiles' job is to provide a start on that. What your detailed description of your ideal man does give us, are things we can say to you, that we know you want to hear, true or not. I would prefer to read about who you are, rather than who I should be.

Women also tend to be very specific. Height 5'-10 to 6'. Really? 2" is your full acceptable range? At the end of the day, tall/short, skinny/heavy, old/young, etc. will all be eclipsed in significance by "real" chemistry. I recently learned a new term, "sapiosexual" which is a person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

Back to "Hi Steve!". Am I the only one who is tiring of the monotonous first dance steps?

Her, Morning: "Hi Steve!" Me, Late Afternoon: "Hi Alexis, how are you today?" Her, Midnight: "Great, how was your day?" Me, Next Afternoon: "Not bad. You got any fun plans for the weekend?" Her, 1 AM: "I might go to the beach with friends." Me, Next Morning: "Sounds like fun." Her, Next Morning: "Yes." Me, Mid-Afternoon: "I hear it may rain this weekend." Her, Midnight: "Noooo :(" Me, Early Afternoon: "We have been talking for four days now, do you mind if we move this fascinating conversation to text?"