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This episode marks a quiet but important moment in Dating on High Alert.

After sixteen episodes exploring dating, attachment, intensity, and patterns, I’m naming the lens that’s always been there, trauma.

In this episode, I share why I was born neurodivergent but didn’t recognise ADHD and autism until later in life, how trauma shaped my nervous system long before I had language for it, and why masking wasn’t a flaw, it was survival.

Dating was never the real topic.
 It was simply where a trauma-shaped, neurodivergent nervous system showed up the loudest.

We talk about:

• being born neurodivergent and recognising it later
• how early trauma shapes hypervigilance and intensity
• why masking can be protective, not pathological
• why dating activates old survival patterns
• the difference between chemistry and safety
• and what changes, and what doesn’t, moving forward

This episode isn’t a rebrand or a dramatic reveal.
 It’s about precision, context, and compassion.

I won’t be retelling trauma for shock value, and there’s no pressure to take anything in all at once. This is a grounded conversation for anyone whose nervous system learned to survive before it learned how to rest.

If this episode stirs something and you want a softer place to land, Dear Ilja exists for that reason, a space to go slower, without fixing or analysis. There’s no pressure to reach out. Just know the door is open.

Take this episode at your own pace.

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

For more raw, honest takes on dating, ADHD, trauma, and being a woman on high alert — head to iljaabbattista.co.uk

Let’s keep this messy, magical conversation going:
📩 Get updates: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/
🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or topic: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/%f0%9f%8e%99%ef%b8%8f-submit-a-guest-pitch-or-podcast-topic/
📬 Contact me: [email protected]
📱 Follow along on Instagram: @ilja.abbattista

Unmask. Rebuild. Thrive.