Dating with Purpose Podcast

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Season: 1 Episode: 3 Length: ~26 min 

Episode Summary
He told you he wasn't ready for anything serious, and you heard, "He just hasn't met a woman like me yet." Ask me how I know. 🙃 In this episode, I get honest about the relationship where I financed hope, nodded along to keep the peace, and dated the version of him I'd created in my head. Then I hand you a simple three-column exercise to separate what he said and did from the story you've been adding.

What You'll Learn

• Why "I'm not ready for anything serious" isn't a riddle, and what happens when hope edits the transcript
• The difference between a man who's consistent with attention and a man who's consistent with forward movement
• How "actions speak louder than words" gets used to ignore words we don't like
• The follow-up question to ask him, and why you have to stop answering it for him
• What his answers actually mean: casual, undecided, "relationship access without relationship responsibility," or intentionally dating toward marriage
• Why time is allowed but can't be a blank check (no indefinite auditions, sis)
• How to look for fruit instead of activity (Matthew 7:16) and how to bring back PROOF from Episode 2
• Why motion isn't always movement, and what healthy progression actually looks like
• How discernment quietly turns into an audition, one agreeable head nod at a time
• How to extend yourself grace if you're realizing you stayed too long (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

The Purpose Pause
Hit pause and answer honestly:

1. Who are you pretending to agree with, pretending not to care about, or pretending not to need clarity from because you're afraid honesty might make him leave?
2. Are you lowering a boundary, laughing at something that actually bothers you, or pretending casual is enough because you hope commitment is coming later?
3. Are you learning who he is, or are you trying to become whoever you think he'll choose?

This Week's Homework
Grab your journal or notes app and make three columns:

• Column 1 — What he said: His actual words. No upgrading, softening, or summarizing.
• Column 2 — What he did: His observable, repeated behavior. The pattern, not the one perfect weekend.
• Column 3 — What I added: Every assumption, explanation, prediction, and hoped-for meaning you've attached.

Then run the first two columns through PROOF. Where do his words and patterns agree? Where do they conflict? What's still unclear? Does what he's offering line up with what you're dating for?

From there, decide what the evidence calls for: a clarifying conversation, more observation for a reasonable amount of time, a boundary, or a polite exit stage left. Do the exercise before the conversation, so you walk in seeking clarity instead of coaching him toward the answer you want.

Join the Conversation
Sis, if this episode hit home, here's how to keep the fam growing:

• Subscribe so you never miss an episode
• Leave a review and tell us what you found in your "What I added" column
• Share this with a sista who's waiting on a man to become ready 💛 (Just don't add "THIS IS FOR YOU" in all caps. Let the Holy Spirit handle His department.)

And tell me: what would dating with purpose look like for you this week?

Date with purpose, and build the marriage God is calling you to.

Listen & Follow

• Listen to the podcast: https://www.lessadavis.com/
• Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRbMgJFL5YvzIToplDbtgg
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingwithpurposepod/
• Threads: https://www.threads.com/@datingwithpurposepod

Quick question, Fam: Have you ever liked a man and still wondered, “Okay, but is this actually going anywhere?”

I made something for that exact moment. My free guide, I Like Him… But Is This Going Anywhere?, helps you look at what he’s said, what you’ve seen, and what you may be filling in yourself. It even gives you the words to start that clarity conversation.

Get your copy at LessaDavis.com.

What would dating with purpose look like for you this week? 

Send us Fan Mail

Show Notes: S1 E2 — He Says He's a Christian, But How Do You Know?
Season: 1 Episode: 2 Length: ~18 min
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Episode Summary
He's fine, he's funny, he has a good job, and he told you he's a Christian. But fam, how much of what you believe about him came from him describing himself, and how much have you actually seen? In this episode, I walk you through PROOF, my framework for looking past what a man says about his faith to what his life shows over time.
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What You'll Learn

• Why "He told me" doesn't answer the question "How do you know he's a Christian?"
• Why grilling him with questions by date 4 can't tell you who he really is, and what can
• The PROOF framework for discernment (a lens, not a scorecard):
• P — Patterns: Is the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23) growing in his life over time?
• R — Response: Who is he when he's angry, tired, stressed, corrected, or told no? Is he a teachable leader?
• O — Others: How does he treat servers, kids, strangers, and the ex he says hurt him?
• O — Order: When his wants run into his beliefs about money, sex, anger, and ego, which one wins? And who does he go to for wise counsel?
• F — Future: Does the life he wants complement the life you're building?
• Why self-control is a two-way street (and why "we're waiting" plus midnight under the covers isn't a plan 😅)
• Why I recommend giving it at least 12 months before marriage, and what a year of ordinary Tuesday nights can show you
• How to answer "God told me you're my wife" three weeks in

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The Purpose Pause

1. Think about the man you're dating or your last serious relationship, then hit pause and ask yourself:
2. How much of what I believe about his character came from what he told me, and how much have I actually observed?
3. Can I give real examples of his relationship with God, his self-control, how he takes correction, how he handles money and disappointment, how he treats people who can't do anything for him, and where his life is headed?
4. Am I praying for discernment, or asking God to sign off on a decision I've already made?

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This Week's Homework
Complete your PROOF audit. Write down what you've seen for each letter: Patterns, Response, Others, Order, Future.
Then make two columns:

• Column 1: What I know because he told me
• Column 2: What I know because I observed it

Don't judge your answers yet. Just notice where the gaps are.
Then turn PROOF around and audit yourself. Do I have the qualities I'm praying my future husband will have?
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Join the Conversation
Sista, if this episode hit home, here's how to keep the fam growing:

• Subscribe so you never miss an episode
• Leave a review and tell us which letter of PROOF you've been skipping
• Share this with a Sista who just met someone "fine, funny, and a Christian" 💛

And tell me: what would dating with purpose look like for you this week?
Date with purpose, and build the marriage God is calling you to.
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Listen & Follow
Listen to the podcast: https://www.lessadavis.com/
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRbMgJFL5YvzIToplDbtgg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingwithpurposepod/
Threads: https://www.threads.com/@datingwithpurposepod

What would dating with purpose look like for you this week? 

Send us Fan Mail

Show Notes: S1 E1 — Are You Dating for a Good Time or a Good Husband?
Season: 1 Episode: 1 Length: ~21 min
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Episode Summary
You've built the career, the condo, and a life full of good things, so why is marriage still on the "someday" list? In our very first episode, we're sorting your husband checklist into preferences and marriage qualifications, and I'm telling you about the smooth-as-butter club man who tossed his phone in my purse and had me gone.
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What You'll Learn

• Why "Am I too picky?" might be the wrong question, and what to ask instead
• How chemistry can have you interviewing a man for the position of husband using the job description of a boyfriend
• The difference between preferences (height, swagger, facial hair, the car) and marriage qualifications (character)
• Five swaps that move you from surface questions to character questions, like "How much does he make?" to "How does he manage what he makes?"
• What "healthy but unfamiliar" can look like, straight from the things I once thought were weird about my husband (prayer, accountability, counsel from other godly men)
• Your homework this week: the two-column checklist, plus a hard look at whether you're becoming the woman you're praying he'll be

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The Purpose Pause
Hit pause and answer these two questions before you keep listening:

1. If I removed his salary, height, car, career title, looks, and swagger, what would be left that makes me believe this man could help build a healthy marriage?
2. If he removed my career, my looks, my education, my income, my home, and my accomplishments, what character would he be choosing in me?

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This Week's Homework
Pull out the husband checklist you pretend you don't have. Make two columns: non-negotiables and preferences. Then rewrite every non-negotiable as something you can actually observe.

• Don't write "Christian." Write "He has an active relationship with God that I can observe."
• Don't write "leader." Write what healthy leadership means to you.
• Don't write "good with money." Define what financial stewardship looks like.

Then turn the list around and ask yourself: would I meet the standards on my own list?
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Join the Conversation
Sist, if this episode hit home, here's how to keep the fam growing:

• Subscribe so you never miss an episode
• Leave a review and tell us what you sorted into column two
• Share this with a Sista who needs to hear it before her next first date 💛

And tell me: what would dating with purpose look like for you this week?
Date with purpose, and build the marriage God is calling you to.
--------------------------------------------------------
Listen & Follow
Listen to the podcast: https://www.lessadavis.com/
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRbMgJFL5YvzIToplDbtgg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingwithpurposepod/
Threads: https://www.threads.com/@datingwithpurposepod

What would dating with purpose look like for you this week? 

Send us Fan Mail

You're done dating just to date — you want a real marriage. Welcome to Dating with Purpose, the faith-based dating show for women in their 30s who are ready to stop choosing by chemistry, checklists, and vibes, and start choosing wisely.

Host Lessa Davis breaks down why "he had potential" keeps leading nowhere — and what changes when you choose character over chemistry, faith over feelings, and purpose over pressure.

This trailer is your introduction to the show. New episodes drop every Thursday. Follow Dating with Purpose on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and on your favorite podcast channel so you never miss one.

What would dating with purpose look like for you this week?