Episode 114

Raw

Only two watermelons left. When they’re gone, that could signal the end, the hard line dividing summer from whatever Season is next on Daughter of Godcast. Still, two watermelons means more watermelon ginger cannabis smoothies ahead. All raw, so the cannabis has no psychoactive effects; in other words, I don’t get high from drinking smoothies that contain unheated cannabis, but I do get something like 100x the dose of all the good stuff, like turpenes, CBD, and THC.

My fair state, Michigan, will consider legalizing recreational cannabis on November 6. With luck, I won’t need to renew my medical marijuana card next month. I can expand my research into growing and, yes, eating this fascinating plant. My very first crop is ripening into dense kolas as we speak. An experienced (and cute) grower friend is teaching me how to trim like a pro.

I do smoke occasionally, but eating raw is probably my preferred cannabis interaction, what with all the superpowers showing up. I’ve recruited a sober and highly evolved friend to eat raw too, and she’s reported uncanny improvements in her family’s life experience. Access to raw cannabis for health and vitality is barely on the radar screen of legalization advocates, but I can imagine in five years or so, eating raw pot will be absolutely unremarkable, part of a balanced breakfast. In 2024, to celebrate the organic reboot of their world-famous toaster pastries, Kellogg’s will introduce a raw pot, watermelon, and ginger Pop Tart. The Pot Tart. Smoking pot won’t disappear, because, let’s just be honest, smoking looks cool. You’re more sexy when you smoke, unless you’re a tobacco addict. Then your kisses taste like prison and dingy bus stations.

I’ve been dipping into the stand-up offerings during my free Netflix month. The comedian Jim Jefferies, of gun control fame, tells the audience his time onstage is not a TED Talk, he’s just making jokes. A giant caveat, which in Latin means, let him beware. Stand-up comedians can say whatever they want, even if it’s just the truth.

I still think podcasters are more badass, though. Because I have to imagine you laughing and having fun while I’m saying whatever I want. Writing whatever I want and then saying it. I don’t have a big theater full of easy feedback, like Jim Jefferies. Just me here in my little white tent, dreaming away. With a kidnapped cat, maybe.

Famous stand-up comics do get more death threats than obscure podcasters. Maybe after DOG is in the world, I’ll get a few of those. Probably not; as I’ve mentioned, I’m only going to be famous among cool people. Cool people don’t threaten, they just adroitly slip past your laser security beams, crouch over you as you sleep, and drip buckwheat honey laced with powdered Philosopher Stone psilocybes between your parted lips, then shed their reactive skintight stealth suits and climb into bed with you (if they’re of a complementary gender configuration; hetero female in my case). That’s a subtle hint, if you’re cool, smoking hot and considering a nocturnal ninja operation in Northern Michigan.

What news of Daughter of God? I’m still deep into logistics that are not ready for reportage, so stay tuned. I’m enjoying the unhurried coalescence of a creative team to stride beside us through completion and beyond. I’ve extended gentle invitations and enjoyed some exciting responses from strategic talent. After much persistence and seduction, a stellar copy editor has agreed to gradually clean up and clarify the episode transcripts. And a precision model maker has agreed to help with miniatures.

Since this is Episode 114, we’re all clear that I don’t know what I’m doing. Here’s the master plan anyway: I’ve got a fuck ton of podcast content on dog.movie. If only 1 percent of that is genius, t