Mistakes were made. A weekend trip to one of the biggest water parks in America has left Dan with a bruised rib. Was the teenaged staff to blame?

Oh most definitely not, just a bunch of full-grown adults making bad decisions. What else is new?

Look: When you ride a novelty water slide that ends in rooms full of robot dinosaurs, don’t you want as many people in your tube with you? OK sure, maybe there are a lot of signs warning against it, but what’s the worst that could happen?

Like a lot of life, that tube had two speeds: Dragging bottom or hauling ass. Hop on in—there’s plenty of room.