Guest: Brian Tarallo, seasoned facilitator and also co-author in our book The World of Visual Facilitation.
Ever walked into a room and instantly felt the energy shift? That’s the power of presence—and as facilitators, it’s our most vital tool. In this episode, I sat down with Brian Tarallo to unpack what it truly means to show up with credibility, confidence, and competence—the three C’s that can make or break a session.
Brian started with a simple but profound idea: "You do what you say you’ll do." That’s credibility. It’s not about grand gestures; it’s about alignment between your words and actions. But credibility alone isn’t enough. You also need confidence—not the brash, overbearing kind, but the quiet assurance that comes from knowing you’re prepared. "Confidence is a soft power," Brian explained. "It’s rooted in trust—both in yourself and in the process."
Then there’s competence—the deep, unshakable knowledge of your craft. "Know your stuff," Brian said. "Because if you don’t, the group will sense it." But here’s the catch: competence isn’t just about what you know. It’s about how you show up. Brian shared a story about a surgeon who, sensing his patient’s nerves, simply said: "I know you’re nervous. I’m not." Those six words conveyed everything—they told the patient, "This guy knows what he’s doing." That’s presence.
But presence isn’t just about what you say. It’s also about how you look, how you move, and how you tune into the room. Brian’s advice? Dress "one step above" your clients—business casual instead of casual, for example. "It shows you take your role seriously." And if you’re a graphic facilitator like Brian? Stick to basic black. "I spill a lot of ink," he laughed.
We dove deeper into the emotional side of facilitation. Moods are contagious, Brian reminded me. If you walk into a room frustrated or distracted, the group will mirror that energy. As facilitators, we’re not just managing agendas—we’re creating a new social container, a space where people look to us to understand "What’s appropriate here? What’s the vibe?" Brian uses Dr. Marc Brackett’s "How We Feel" app and his Permission to Feel framework to help label emotions and adjust his energy accordingly. "If you don’t have a language for emotions," he said, "this gives you one."
One of the biggest pitfalls? Overconfidence. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and Brian is careful to stay on the right side of it. "I’m a servant leader," he told me. "My loyalty is to the process, not the people." It’s a temporary authority, granted by the group—and that humility keeps him grounded.
So how do you improve your presence as a facilitator? Brian’s answer: Never stop learning. Read everything you can about group dynamics, brainstorming, and facilitation techniques. "Knowledge gives you presence," he said. "You earn the right to facilitate." And then? Practice. Brian even uses social video games to experiment with group dynamics in a low-stakes setting. "The more you practice, the more you’ll think: ‘I’ve got this.’"
And what about those nerves before a big session? Brian’s reassurance was simple: "It’s okay to feel nervous. But the moment the session starts, you’ll think: ‘I’ve got this.’ That’s the trust you need."
As we wrapped up, Brian left me with one final piece of wisdom—words that stuck with me long after the recording stopped: "Show up. Be your whole, authentic self."
Because at the end of the day, that’s what facilitation is all about. Not perfection. Presence.
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