Some kids look "easy" because they're safe and supported. Some kids look "easy" because they learned to scan the room, manage the adults, and keep their real feelings out of the way.

In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with therapist and educator Eli Harwood (Attachment Nerd) to talk about what secure attachment actually looks like in real life, especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable. If you've ever wondered why "calm" can be misleading, why certain emotions feel like too much, or why parenting can bring your own childhood rushing back, this conversation will stay with you.

In this conversation:

• Why "easy" behavior can be a survival skill
• The difference between calming a child and silencing a child
• What "earned secure" means, and why it matters if you didn't grow up with steady adults
• Why fixing it fast can backfire when what someone needs is closeness
• A simple phrase that changes hard moments: "Reach, then receive."
• How to stay present with big feelings without minimizing, lecturing, or checking out
• What kids learn about emotions by watching what we do with ours

Quote to take with you:

"Take a sip of the feeling. Don't chug it down. The fix can wait. The relationship can't."

About the guest: Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, educator, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. Her work helps people understand attachment patterns and build more secure relationships with their kids, partners, and themselves.

Connect with Eli Harwood:

Website: https://attachmentnerd.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd

Eli's NEW book: How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have To

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to?offer=pwyc

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's books:

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

"Feeling like you matter" often gets treated like a nice idea. Something soft. Something optional. In reality, it is a core human need, and when it's missing, the consequences show up everywhere, from disengagement at work to loneliness at home.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what mattering really means, why it's not about ego or achievement, and how everyday interactions quietly shape whether people feel valued and able to add value.

In this conversation:

• What researchers actually mean by "mattering," and why it has two essential parts
• The SAID framework and how it shows up in daily relationships
• Why disengagement is often a sign of pain, not laziness
• How life transitions can collapse our sense of mattering, and how to rebuild it
• Parenting for healthy mattering without tying worth to performance
• Intrinsic vs extrinsic values, and what they do to well-being over time
• Why workplaces that ignore mattering struggle with retention and productivity

About the guest:

Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and the author of the New York Times bestselling books Never Enough and Mattering. Her work focuses on achievement culture, connection, and how individuals and institutions can build environments where people feel valued and able to add value.

Connect with Jennifer Breheny Wallace:

Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's books:

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

"Be patient" gets treated like a virtue in every system. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is the line that keeps unfairness in place, because it asks the people carrying the cost to stay quiet so everyone else can stay comfortable.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what patience looks like when it is wisdom, and what it looks like when it becomes compliance. They also talk about how to interrupt harm without turning it into humiliation.

In this conversation:

• When "be patient" supports growth, and when it protects comfort
• Why "that's just how we do things" can be one of the most dangerous phrases in any system
• Calling people in vs. calling people out, and what each one asks of a leader
• What it means to hold urgency and dignity in the same moment
• A simple reset you can use when tension spikes and you still have to lead
• How to respond when you feel that stomach drop, but you cannot opt out of the room

About the guest: Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano is an Associate Professor at the Yale Child Study Center and the Director of the Education Collaboratory at Yale. She is the author of Be Unapologetically Impatient: The Mindset Required to Change the Way We Do Things.

Connect with Dr. Christina "Chris" Cipriano:

Website: https://www.drchriscip.com

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's books:

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

We call it "being productive," but for a lot of us it's a nervous system stuck in go mode. Always on. Always bracing. Then someone says "just breathe" and it sounds like a joke.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman to talk about what happens when performance mode becomes your identity and stillness starts to feel unsafe.

In this conversation:

• The identity crash after injury and why it can trigger anxiety, depression, and shutdown
• Why five minutes a day can actually change your patterns if you stick with it
• Mindfulness vs. breathwork and why "just breathe" isn't enough
• The five senses reset that works for skeptics in under two minutes
• Masculinity, vulnerability, and unlearning "tighten up"
• What it looks like to plant these skills early for kids and communities

About the guest:

Brandon "SOUL COLE" Coleman is a former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator who helps people build practical tools for regulation, resilience, and real-life performance.

Connect with SOUL COLE:

Instagram: @b_cole16

SOUL Impact Foundation: https://soulimpactfoundation.org

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books:

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

We call it "normal life."

But for most of us, it's a low-grade chronic stress loop.

News alerts. Group chats. Doomscrolling. Constant urgency.

In this episode of Dealing With Feeling, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Elisha Goldstein to explore how tiny emotional shifts can interrupt stress patterns, strengthen relationships, and change the trajectory of our health over time.

This is a conversation about emotional longevity — and what it means to stop living in permanent survival mode.

In this conversation:

• Why anxiety is not your identity, but a reinforced loop

• How low-grade stress becomes "the water we swim in"

• Elisha's 4R method: Recognize, Release, Refocus, Reinforce

• Moving from blame into skillful emotional requests in relationships

• How small shifts in real moments create long-term change

About the guest:

Dr. Elisha Goldstein is a clinical psychologist, teacher, and author whose work focuses on mindfulness, resilience, and emotional health.

Guest links:

Website: https://elishagoldstein.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/drelishagoldstein

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel

• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

Gaslighting is not just an argument. It is a slow erosion of identity.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with his longtime friend and colleague Dr. Robin Stern to unpack The Gaslight Effect, how anxiety fuels both the gaslighter and the gaslightee, and what it takes to rebuild self-trust. They explore how people don't lose their reality overnight. They lose it in inches, one second-guess at a time.

In this conversation:

• What gaslighting really is and why it is so disorienting
• The three stages of The Gaslight Effect: disbelief, defense, depression
• That first "maybe it wasn't that bad" moment, and why it matters
• How fear of being "the bad one" keeps the cycle going
• How to start rebuilding self-trust after months or years of doubt

About the guest:

Dr. Robin Stern is a psychoanalyst and the Senior Advisor to the Director at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is the author of The Gaslight Effect, the Recovery Guide of the same name, the host of The Gaslight Effect podcast and a leading voice on gaslighting and self-trust.

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://robinstern.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/dr.robinstern

X: https://x.com/RobinSStern

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drrobinstern

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/robin-stern-220b403a

Resources:

The Gaslight Effect

The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

Teens have language for anxiety. Most adults never got language for their own feelings.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Jamie Lockwood and Liz Fletcher to talk about what it means to raise and teach teens in this mental health moment. Together, they explore why more "mental health talk" hasn't solved the crisis, what teens actually need from adults, and how to support big feelings without shutting down, fixing, or turning everything into a performance.

In this conversation:

• Why teen mental health is declining even with more "mental health talk"
• The adolescent brain "under construction" and why that matters
• Emotion judge vs. emotion scientist, and how teens can make the shift
• Tools used in real school settings (CBT triangle, RAIN, circle of control)
• Co-regulation at home when parents are exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared
• What they wish parents had known about emotions

About the guests:

Jamie Lockwood is a school-based clinician. Liz Fletcher is an educator and parent.

The Teens Guide to Emotions: Our Essential Workbook for Navigating Big Feelings, Decision-Making, and Relationships with Confidence https://www.amazon.com/Teens-Guide-Em...

Website: https://www.fearlessinkpress.com.

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support: https://ojilifelab.com. Oji Life Lab is the leader in mastery-centered learning for the workplace. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence and more, visit oji life lab dot com or click the link in the description of this video and use the promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

We turned happiness into a checklist. Then wondered why it never feels like enough.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Laurie Santos to unpack the "happiness trap" and the quiet ways we chase the wrong things. They talk about miswanting, why we get obsessed with the future, and how a life that looks good on paper can still feel empty on the inside. You'll hear what the research actually says helps, and the small shifts that make happiness feel more real and more sustainable.

In this conversation:

• Why our brains are so bad at predicting what will make us happy
• The "hyper-focus on the future" that steals joy from the present
• Happy in your life vs. happy with your life, and why that distinction matters
• Why social connection keeps showing up as a happiness "superpower"
• How emotional intelligence and RULER support real well-being, not fake positivity

About the guest:

Dr. Laurie Santos is a Yale psychologist and host of The Happiness Lab.

Listen to The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos:

https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-h...

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support. Visit https://ojilifelab.com and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

The worst part of anxiety is not the feeling. It's the loop. The "what if" that keeps feeding itself until it feels like truth.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Judson Brewer to unpack how worry becomes a habit, why reassurance and mental debate often backfire, and how curiosity can disrupt the cycle without forcing you to "think positive."

In this conversation:

• How anxiety becomes a loop: trigger → worry → short relief → more worry
• Why worrying feels like control even when it isn't
• Curiosity as the interrupt that changes the pattern
• Anxiety vs stress vs overwhelm and why precise labeling matters
• A simple way to shift from "oh no" to "oh"

About the guest:

Dr. Judson Brewer is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist who studies habit change and anxiety.

Judd's books: Unwinding Anxiety, The Craving Mind, The Hunger Habit

https://drjud.com

Programs & resources:

https://goingbeyondanxiety.com

https://juddbrewer.substack.com

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Meta: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support. Visit https://ojilifelab.com and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.

Most of us aren't trying to raise perfect kids. We're trying to raise kids who can handle life without falling apart. The problem is… adults are drowning too.

Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Aliza Pressman on Dealing With Feeling to break down what emotionally healthy parenting actually looks like in real time—especially when your child is melting down, you're depleted, and every instinct is telling you to control the moment.

In this conversation:

• The difference between boundaries and harshness
• Why "all feelings are welcome" doesn't mean all behaviors are
• The five essentials: relationship, reflection, regulation, rules, repair
• Repair after rupture and the language that rebuilds trust
• How to stay steady without becoming permissive or reactive

About the guest:

Dr. Aliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist and co-founding director of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center.

Explore Aliza's work:

Raising Good Humans podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...

Instagram: @raisinggoodhumanspodcast

Mount Sinai Parenting Center: https://www.mountsinai.org/care/parenting-center

Connect with Marc Brackett:

Website: https://marcbrackett.com

Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett

X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett

Meta: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett

LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett

Dr. Marc Brackett's Books

• Permission to Feel
• Dealing with Feeling

Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER—an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.

A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. I also want to thank Oji Life Lab for their generous support. Visit https://ojilifelab.com and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.