We’ve all been sold the same fantasy: if you just find the right person — someone “perfect” — everything will finally feel easy. No more spirals, no more fights that last for days, no more wondering if you matter. But here’s the hard truth: that partner doesn’t exist.

In this episode of Coupled With…, I break down why chasing the idea of a perfectly secure partner keeps you stuck in disappointment, and what actually creates security in love. Spoiler: it’s not about finding the flawless unicorn who never triggers you — it’s about building the right patterns together.

We’ll explore:

1. The cultural myth of the “perfectly secure partner” and how it sets you up to fail
2. The real emotional loops couples get stuck in (silence that feels like a canyon, conflict that never ends)
3. Why your nervous system panics faster than your logic — and how that plays out in relationships
4. The two paths: conflict loops vs. connection loops
5. One simple, practical tool to interrupt spirals and create space for repair

This isn’t about settling or lowering your standards. It’s about trading the fairytale for something stronger and more real: a love that’s steady, imperfect, and built in the moments you come back to each other.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.