I find myself listening with great interest to the troubles of others. When someone presents me with some conflict, I am surprised by how often the problem cannot be understood because of deceit or willful blindness. Whether it’s conscious deceit or staying silent when one needs to say something important, the lack of truth reveals itself to be at the core of many relational problems. Largely influenced by the wisdom of Jordan Peterson, the path forward I take is usually encouraging people to come face to face with the truth.

People bounce around the core of an issue if they can’t handle the core, so I help them find the center, watching them every step along the way. I know we’re onto something when they get uncomfortable, I see them trying to squirm away from something. The revelation isn’t something new, but that which they already know but couldn’t admit to themselves because they weren’t willing to handle it. Or couldn’t.

I don’t consciously aim to get down to the core because of some agenda, instead, I am naturally drawn to it out of curiosity. Maybe this is why some people trust me in this process. I stumble along with them, asking questions and putting forward my thoughts to gauge if I’m on the right track. And sometimes, without necessarily intending to, I strike at the core (or, as close as I can manage) of the issue. Something seems to click within the individual when that happens, which sometimes takes a few moments, and they go… oh shit.

They come across some truth that is hard to swallow, and they’re trying to figure out what to do with it. It’s critical that I consciously come to that point in the conversation with the appropriate spirit. And that spirit, which has never failed me, is Truth in the service of Love. Because at that moment feedback is able to penetrate the surface layers.

If I abuse that opportunity by projecting onto them my own complexes, or worse, some ideological virus, they’ll be left off worse. If I judge and condemn them as individuals, what that means is I took a specific issue in a specific context and abstracted that out to assume it represents the entire self. Part of an individual can transform, and go through death and rebirth - there is hope. But the entire self? That’s too much for anyone to bear. And why would I think it’s a good idea to abstract out part of an individual and assume that represents all the other parts of an individual? Who am I to proclaim such a thing?

What I do instead is go as deeply as I can into the experience of seeing them, avoiding all distractions of condemnation (of which there are many), until I find an ember of the flame of Love. Loving isn’t judging what they’re doing right or good, but rather the recognition that even the darkest aspects of their being have within them an element of the divine that is capable of transforming by coming into contact with the light of Truth. And that process is done in the spirit of Love - otherwise, the darkness recedes further if given no opportunity to transform. That is the essence of redeeming grace, which I try to be the instrument of.

Fundamental to this process is my faith that the individual is more capable than they are willing to admit of positive transformation. Christianity’s thesis is that humanity is in its nature sinful, and Jesus is the only one who can offer sufficient grace. Non-Christians who are embedded in the Judeo-Christian values of the West are very similar psychologically to the Christians (relative to the other historical modes of being, all things considered), except they lack the framework to go about contending with the darker aspects of themselves. Without putting myself on either side of the argument, I encourage people to see they can handle more of the truth than they give themselves credit for.

In the state of consciousness where I love them and see them as truly beautiful, I can start speaking the truth. This is difficult for me and requires deliberate practice. That is the essence of truth in the service of love - it’s not just some truth. It’s the truth through which transformation oriented towards increased resonance with love can take place. And the more I resonate with it, the more likely that our exploration will produce fruit that is harmonious with that resonance. But this rather ethereal attitude I take on has to be brought down to earth and realized, to be practical.

The individual with the revelation usually has a hard time sitting with it. Often times they realize there’s something important they need to take responsibility for, and the appropriate thing to do is not let them be overwhelmed with the weight of the responsibility. I try to help them strategize how to handle their newfound responsibility by breaking it up into small enough chunks that they can chew on. This is what I do when all goes well, rather than what I necessarily manage to do every time. And if I try to go deeper than what I’m capable of handling myself, I turn into The Blind Leading the Blind.

This process I often naturally find myself facilitating can be helpful to both me and the other participant, but it has to be in the right context and we both have to be in the right frame of mind. It’s necessary for me to stretch my insight muscles and know the limits of how much truth I can handle. And it works only when I’m speaking from my own wisdom. People don’t react well to preaching because it’s wisdom on someone else’s behalf - which I do not have authority to. It’s ingenuine to encourage others to tell the truth and not have that be my guiding principle. How can I recommend someone go where I haven’t yet explored? I’d inevitably lead others astray.

To end this piece off, here’s a relevant renaissance painting called The Blind Leading the Blind.

The Blind Leading the Blind, by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 1568.