Mindset Rebuild Deep Dive Podcast

Deep Dive: Why Setting Boundaries is Hard


Listen Later

Everything you think you know about boundaries is 100% WRONG!

Setting them isnโ€™t selfishโ€”itโ€™s survival.

๐—ช๐—ต๐˜† ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—•๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—›๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฑโ€”๐—•๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ช๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ต ๐—œ๐˜

Setting boundaries sounds simple, right?

But when it comes down to it, saying โ€œnoโ€ or creating space for yourself can feel tricky.

So many of us are used to putting others first or trying to meet everyoneโ€™s expectations that our own needs take a back seat.

But hereโ€™s the thing: strong boundaries arenโ€™t just about saying noโ€”theyโ€™re about saying yes to what matters most to you.

๐—ช๐—ต๐˜† ๐—•๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—™๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น ๐—ง๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐˜†

1. ๐™๐™š๐™–๐™ง ๐™ค๐™› ๐˜ฟ๐™ž๐™จ๐™–๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™Š๐™ฉ๐™๐™š๐™ง๐™จ

Ever worry that if you say โ€œno,โ€ youโ€™ll disappoint someone?

This is super common. Most of us worry that setting boundaries will come across as selfish or uncaring.

But actually, itโ€™s the opposite!

Think about it: when you protect your time and energy, youโ€™re more able to give your best to the things you do say yes to.

2. ๐™‚๐™š๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐˜พ๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™ง ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™’๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช ๐™‰๐™š๐™š๐™™

Sometimes, itโ€™s hard to set boundaries because you havenโ€™t paused to think about what you truly need.

If you donโ€™t know where your limits are, youโ€™ll always feel stretched too thin.

Taking a moment to tune into what drains or energizes you can help you make choices that feel right.

3. ๐˜ฝ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™Š๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ƒ๐™–๐™—๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™จ

Maybe youโ€™ve been the โ€œyes personโ€ for years.

Changing that habit can feel like trying to turn a big ship around.

But change is possibleโ€”and it doesnโ€™t have to happen all at once.

Small shifts, like saying โ€œIโ€™ll think about itโ€ instead of an automatic โ€œyes,โ€ can start to create the space you need.

๐—›๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐—•๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฃ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—˜๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ด๐˜†

Every time you set a boundary, youโ€™re keeping a bit of your energy safe.

Think of boundaries as invisible shields. They donโ€™t mean youโ€™re closing people outโ€”they mean that youโ€™re keeping what matters most inside.

Imagine you have a jar of energy each day. Each โ€œyesโ€ you give takes a scoop out of that jar.

If youโ€™re scooping out energy for things that donโ€™t serve you, youโ€™ll end up drained.

By setting boundaries, youโ€™re choosing to spend that energy where it can truly make a difference.

๐—•๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—›๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฝ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฆ๐—ฎ๐˜† โ€œ๐—ฌ๐—ฒ๐˜€โ€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ

When you reduce unnecessary obligations, youโ€™re giving yourself the gift of time and space.

More time for projects you care about, moments with loved ones, or simply the chance to rest.

Remember, every time you say โ€œnoโ€ to something that doesnโ€™t align, youโ€™re saying โ€œyesโ€ to what matters.

๐—›๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒโ€™๐˜€ ๐—›๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฆ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜

1. ๐™„๐™™๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™›๐™ฎ ๐™”๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™‹๐™ง๐™ž๐™ค๐™ง๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™š๐™จ

Take a moment to ask yourself whatโ€™s most important.

What activities, people, or goals give you energy and purpose?

Knowing this can help you decide where to focus your time.

2. ๐™‹๐™ง๐™–๐™˜๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™˜๐™š ๐™Ž๐™–๐™ฎ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ โ€œ๐™‡๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™ˆ๐™š ๐™๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™  ๐˜ผ๐™—๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฉ ๐™„๐™ฉโ€

Permit yourself to pause.

Instead of an automatic โ€œyes,โ€ try saying, โ€œIโ€™ll get back to you.โ€

This gives you space to think about whether something fits with your priorities.

3. ๐™Ž๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™Š๐™ฃ๐™š ๐™Ž๐™ข๐™–๐™ก๐™ก ๐˜ฝ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ฃ๐™™๐™–๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™– ๐™๐™ž๐™ข๐™š

Boundaries donโ€™t have to be big or dramatic. Start small!

For example, if meetings drain you, maybe you set a boundary that youโ€™ll only accept meetings at certain times.

This can give you a sense of control and encourage you to keep building.

๐—•๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ปโ€™๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜€โ€”๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ.

With each โ€œnoโ€ that aligns with your needs, youโ€™re opening up space for what brings you joy, energy, and purpose.

Itโ€™s about protecting what matters most to you, so you can give your best to yourself and to others.

Are you ready to give it a try?

Start with one boundary this week and see how it feels.

Trust yourselfโ€”youโ€™re the best judge of what you need.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mindsetrebuild.substack.com/subscribe
...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Mindset Rebuild Deep Dive PodcastBy Warren Wojnowski