Deeper By Design

Healthy relationships aren't rupture-free. They're repair-capable.

Every relationship experiences conflict, misunderstanding, and moments of hurt. What matters isn't simply what happens when things go wrong, but how we find our way back to one another.

In this episode, Dr. Trevor Hislop explores Repair, the fourth movement of the Renovi Flow, and how our attempts to protect ourselves can sometimes create the very disconnection we're trying to avoid.

Drawing from clinical experience, relationship research, and biblical wisdom, Trevor introduces the REPAIR Pathway, a practical framework from Renovi Relational Therapy (RRT):

• R — Recall the Moment: Name what happened.
• E — Explore Your Inner World: Understand your emotions and reactions.
• P — Pay Attention to Impact: Understand how your response affected the other person.
• A — Apologize Clearly: Take responsibility for your part.
• I — Imagine a Better Way: Identify a healthier response.
• R — Renew Your Intention: Commit to meaningful change.

Whether in marriage, parenting, friendships, or leadership, repair begins when we learn to stay present, stay curious, and stay humble—moving from protection toward connection.

Free Resource: Repair Practice Guide

Put these insights into practice with the free Repair Practice Guide, designed to help you work through the six steps and begin strengthening your relationships.

Download the Repair Practice Guide

Learn more about Renovi Relational Therapy and explore additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

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Until next time, let's keep going deeper by design.

What do we do when our reaction feels bigger than the moment itself?

Maybe it was a tone, a delayed response, unexpected feedback, or a moment of distance. Before we even have time to think, our body responds, our mind fills in the gaps, and the moment starts to mean something.

In this solo episode, Dr. Trevor Hislop continues the Renovi Flow series by exploring the third movement of relational renewal: Reframe.

Reframe helps us slow down and notice that we often react not just to what happened, but to what we made it mean. Sometimes the meaning we attach to the present moment is shaped by an older story, a protective response, or a familiar relational pattern. As Trevor notes in the episode, “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”

Reframe is not denial, positive thinking, spiritual bypassing, or excuse-making. It is learning to see with truer eyes, holding compassion and responsibility, story and impact, understanding and change.

• Why “it’s not actually about what it’s about”
• How present moments can activate old stories
• Why our brain and body move quickly toward protection
• What instant stories are and how they shape relational reactions
• Why feelings are signals, not final verdicts
• The power of the words and maybe
• How to move from blame to pattern-thinking
• Why protective behaviors are often solutions before they become problems
• How Reframe helps us see ourselves, others, God, and our relationships with deeper truth

Key Takeaway: The story that shaped you doesn’t have to be the story that defines you.

Practice:

When a reaction feels bigger than the moment, slow down and ask:

1. What happened?
2. What story did I tell myself?
3. What did that story make me feel and do?
4. What is a truer frame?

Resources:

Download the Reframe Practice Guide to help you notice the instant story, examine the frame, and practice seeing with deeper truth.
Click here: Reframe Practice Guide

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, and The Deeper by Design Podcast at trevorhislop.com.

Why do we make decisions we later regret? Why do we react so quickly, even when we know better?

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Dr. Karl Benzio, board-certified psychiatrist, co-founder and Chief Psychiatric Officer of Honey Lake Clinic, and Medical Director of the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Together, they explore what Dr. Benzio calls the “black box” — the internal space where our thoughts, emotions, perceptions, values, fears, and past experiences shape the decisions we make.

Dr. Benzio introduces the SPEARS decision-making progression and explains how greater self-awareness, curiosity, emotional regulation, faith, and repeated micro-practices can help us renew our minds, rewire our brains, and relate to God, ourselves, and others with greater clarity and intention.

This conversation brings together faith, psychiatry, neuroscience, spiritual formation, and practical wisdom for anyone who wants to better understand why they do what they do — and how real change begins.

In this episode, Trevor and Dr. Benzio discuss:

• What happens inside the “black box” of the mind
• Why so much of our decision-making happens automatically
• The SPEARS decision-making progression
• How perception shapes emotion and response
• Why emotional regulation matters before making decisions
• How neuroplasticity gives hope for lasting change
• The role of curiosity in spiritual and emotional growth
• Why decision-making is one of the most important skills we can develop
• How faith and neuroscience work together in the process of renewal
• Practical ways to slow down, reflect, and make wiser choices

Resources Mentioned

Learn more about Dr. Karl Benzio and his resources at drkarlbenzio.com.

Resources mentioned in this episode include:

Transformed by His Promises
A devotional resource designed to help people renew their minds and build daily practices that support lasting change.

Your Adversity Advantage
A collection of real stories and practical insight about moving from pain to purpose through faith, resilience, and transformation.

Honey Lake Clinic
A Christ-centered residential treatment center integrating spirit, mind, and body. honeylake.clinic

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop continues the series through the six movements of the Renovi Flow from Renovi Relational Therapy: Reveal, Remember, Reframe, Repair, Rehearse, and Renew.

This episode focuses on the second movement: Remember.

Remember begins with the idea that we can’t heal a pattern we don’t understand. Our reactions usually have a history. The way we shut down, get defensive, overwork, people-please, control, withdraw, or feel shame often began somewhere.

But Remember is not about blaming the past, living in the past, or making excuses. It is about bringing our story into the light with honesty, compassion, and responsibility so we can understand how our story shaped our survival.

Dr. Trevor explores how family of origin, attachment, temperament, body-based memory, faith, and relational patterns shape how we respond in the present. Through personal story, clinical examples, and the RRT lens of protection and connection, he shows how what once helped us survive can eventually get in the way of deeper connection.

A key idea in this episode is: Protection is often a solution before it becomes a problem.

In this episode, Dr. Trevor discusses:

• Why our reactions usually have a history
• How family of origin shapes relational patterns
• Why protective strategies can become relational barriers
• How storywork helps us understand the meaning beneath the moment
• Why the past can show up in the present through the nervous system
• How couples and leaders can begin to recognize repeated cycles
• Why Remember holds compassion and responsibility together
• How grief, safety, and support are part of relational renewal

A key takeaway: This reaction makes sense in light of my story, but it does not have to rule my relationship.

Sometimes the beginning of change is not trying harder.
Sometimes the beginning of change is finally understanding why the pattern made sense.

Download the Remember Practice Guide here:
Remember Practice Guide

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

What happens when two people love each other, but keep getting stuck in the same painful pattern?

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Kenny Sanderfer, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Emotionally Focused Therapy trainer, supervisor, and therapist, founder of EFT Tennessee, and co-author with Dr. Sue Johnson of Created for Connection: The Hold Me Tight Guide for Christian Couples.

Together, Dr. Trevor and Kenny explore attachment science, emotionally focused therapy, emotional safety, relational cycles, faith, and the deep human longing to be seen, heard, known, and securely connected.

Kenny shares how his own journey through agriculture, missions, ministry, counseling, and his friendship and work with Dr. Sue Johnson shaped his passion for helping couples understand love not as a bargain, but as a bond. He also explains why attachment is more than a theory — it is a science of how our closest relationships shape the way we experience ourselves, others, and connection.

This conversation is deeply practical and hopeful. Dr. Trevor and Kenny talk about why couples get caught in negative cycles, why the other person is not the problem, and how the cycle itself often becomes the problem. They discuss emotional safety, protection, pursuit, withdrawal, repair, vulnerability, and the kind of conversations that help people move toward secure connection instead of deeper disconnection.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What Emotionally Focused Therapy is and why attachment science matters
• Why relational wounds are healed in relationships
• How emotional safety allows us to be more fully ourselves with the people we love
• Why couples often get stuck in the same painful conversations
• How protective patterns like pursuing, withdrawing, attacking, or shutting down develop
• Why “the person is not the problem — the cycle is the problem”
• How vulnerability can interrupt negative relational patterns
• Why repair, restoration, and reconciliation are deeply connected to God’s design for relationship
• How faith and attachment science help us understand connection with God, ourselves, and others
• Why it is never too early to strengthen the foundation of a relationship

A key takeaway from this episode:

Relational pain often forms in relationship — and healing also happens in relationship.

Kenny reminds us that we were created for connection, and that secure bonds help us face life, repair rupture, and move toward one another with greater courage, safety, and love.

Learn more about Kenny Sanderfer and his resources at kennethsanderfer.com.

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

What do we do when being honest doesn’t feel safe?

In this solo episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop begins a new series through the six movements of the Renovi Flow from Renovi Relational Therapy: Reveal, Remember, Reframe, Repair, Rehearse, and Renew.

This episode focuses on the first movement: Reveal — the practice of naming what’s really happening beneath the surface with wisdom, safety, humility, and care.

Reveal begins with a simple but powerful idea: we can’t renew what we refuse to reveal.

But Reveal is not reckless honesty. It’s not emotional dumping, blame, or forced vulnerability. For many of us, honesty has not always felt safe. Maybe opening up led to shame, dismissal, conflict, or pain. So we learned to hide, minimize, defend, shut down, or keep the peace on the outside while losing peace on the inside.

Through the story of Genesis 3, clinical examples, and practical reflection, Trevor explores why hiding is such a human response — and how truth, when held with care, can become the beginning of healing, repair, and renewed connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to slow down and ask:

What’s really going on here?
What am I feeling?
What am I trying to protect?
What truth have I not yet been able to name?

Dr. Trevor also introduces the Reveal Practice Worksheet, a practical RRT resource built around four simple movements: Settle. Sense. Reveal. Respond.

You’ll also hear about the Reveal Triangle, which helps you reflect on:

What happened?
What did I feel?
What did I protect?
What needs to be revealed?

A key takeaway from this episode: Reveal is truth held with safety, wisdom, and care.

Sometimes the first step toward deeper connection is simply being able to say: “Here’s where I really am.”

Download the Reveal Practice Worksheet here:
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/a237334b-8e7b-4c39-a748-589804f62337/downloads/1dbb5706-c1cf-4c50-81e6-9836cc0efe1c/reveal-practice-guide.pdf?ver=1789351467074

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

Why do we react the way we do in relationships? Why do two people experience the same moment so differently? Why does one person pursue while another withdraws? Why do our fears, assumptions, and protective strategies sometimes take over before we even realize what is happening?

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Beth and Jeff McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, a gospel-centered platform helping people understand the Enneagram with clarity, compassion, and real-life application.

Beth and Jeff are the authors of multiple books and resources, including Becoming Us, More Than Your Number, Enneagram for Moms, and a full series of Enneagram journals. Through their work, they help individuals, couples, parents, and leaders understand what is happening beneath the surface so they can grow in self-awareness, compassion, and healthier connection.

In this honest and practical conversation, Beth and Jeff share how the Enneagram first helped them find language for the patterns in their own marriage. Together, they explore how the Enneagram can help us understand not just what we do, but why we do it.

Trevor, Beth, and Jeff discuss core motivations, levels of health, defensive strategies, trauma, attachment, co-regulation, marriage, parenting, and the ongoing work of becoming more whole in Christ.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why the Enneagram is more than a personality test
• How core motivations shape thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
• How to use the Enneagram as a tool for growth instead of a label, excuse, sword, or shield
• Why self-awareness should lead to compassion and responsibility
• How trauma and the nervous system shape relational reactions
• How Beth’s deeper trauma work changed the way she understood herself and her marriage
• How Internal Family Systems and the Enneagram come together in More Than Your Number
• Why one person’s healing work can impact the whole relationship
• The power of co-regulation in marriage, parenting, and close relationships

A key takeaway from this conversation is that self-awareness is not meant to become self-protection. It is meant to help us see more clearly, love more wisely, and relate more honestly.

Used well, the Enneagram becomes a tool for compassion, growth, and transformation. Learn more about Beth and Jeff McCord and their resources at yourenneagramcoach.com.

Free resources mentioned in this episode:

Enneagram Origins:
yourenneagramcoach.com/origins

Core Motivations PDF:
yourenneagramcoach.com/core-motivations

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify. New episodes release every Tuesday.

Why do we keep repeating patterns we know are not helping? Why do we pull away when we actually want closeness? Why do we become defensive when we want to be understood? Why can we have insight, self-awareness, and even deep faith — and still find ourselves stuck in the same relational cycle?

In this solo episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop introduces one of the foundational frameworks behind Renovi Relational Therapy, or RRT: The Renovi Flow.

The Renovi Flow is a practical pathway for relational renewal built around six movements: Reveal. Remember. Reframe. Repair. Rehearse. Renew.

Dr. Trevor shares how this framework developed through years of ministry, clinical care, marriage intensives, and leadership consulting — sitting with couples, individuals, pastors, families, and teams who genuinely wanted to change but often found that insight alone was not enough.

This episode explores why lasting change is more than understanding the problem. It requires truth, story, meaning, repair, practice, and renewal over time.

In this episode, Dr. Trevor discusses:

• Why people often get stuck because “the pattern has become stronger than their intention”
• The meaning of Renovi from the Latin renovare — to renew, restore, or make new
• The difference between restoration, reconciliation, and renewal
• Why insight matters, but practice is what helps us walk into change
• How protection often begins as a solution before it becomes a problem
• Why repair is different from simply saying “I’m sorry”
• How repeated practice helps create new relational patterns
• Why renewal is not perfection, but a growing capacity to notice, return, repair, and reconnect

The six movements of the Renovi Flow:

Reveal — Tell the truth about where you actually are.
Remember — Understand how your story shaped your survival.
Reframe — Learn to see with truer eyes.
Repair — Heal what has happened between us.
Rehearse — Practice the new way until it becomes more available.
Renew — Live more from your design than from your wounds.

Download the Renovi Flow reflection document here:
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/a237334b-8e7b-4c39-a748-589804f62337/downloads/b6aa0901-36ff-404a-b35c-c2114d619688/Renovi_Flow.pdf?ver=1788122448399

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify. New episodes release every Tuesday.

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop sits down with Julie Baumgardner, a marriage and family educator, speaker, and host of Marriage on the Daily with Julie B.

Julie brings decades of experience helping couples build stronger, healthier marriages through faith-based, research-informed relationship education. In this conversation, she shares how her personal story, her parents’ divorce, and her own 37-year marriage to Jay have shaped her passion for helping couples strengthen their relationship before they end up “in the ditch.”

Together, Trevor and Julie explore why strong marriages are built through daily choices, honest conversations, emotional safety, spiritual grounding, and intentional rhythms of connection. They talk about the importance of the first ten years of marriage, how couples can normalize struggle without normalizing disconnection, and why conflict is not something to avoid—but something to approach with humility, curiosity, and care.

Julie also shares practical tools for couples, including the importance of “attacking the issue” instead of attacking each other and her four points of connectedness for building connection throughout the day.

This episode is for couples who want to build a stronger foundation, navigate conflict with more wisdom, and practice lasting love on the daily.

Trevor and Julie discuss why prevention matters in marriage and relationship education, how early pain can become part of a deeper calling, why the first ten years of marriage are so foundational, how faith shapes the way we see and love our spouse, how emotional safety creates space for hard conversations, and the importance of curiosity, humility, and repair.

You can connect with Julie Baumgardner through Marriage on the Daily with Julie B., available on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts. You can also learn more at https://marriageonthedaily.com.

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at https://trevorhislop.com.

The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify. New episodes release every Tuesday.

Episode 3: The Map of Deeper Connection: Understanding the Six Dimensions of Relationship

In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop introduces one of the foundational tools behind his clinical and relational work: The Relational Funnel.

The Relational Funnel helps us understand the six dimensions of connection and why relationships often move from more surface-level connection toward deeper, more vulnerable connection. It also highlights one of the most important realities of relational health: connection continues with the presence of safety, and protection happens in the absence of safety.

Trevor explains why the funnel has become a signature part of his work and how it helped shape the development of Renovi Relational Therapy. He also connects the framework to the heart of Deeper by Design: we are designed by God for deep connection, and we can design deeper connection through intentional practice.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why the Relational Funnel is part of the Deeper by Design logo
• How connection deepens through six interconnected dimensions
• Why emotional safety is essential for deeper vulnerability
• The difference between surface-level connection and deeper relational intimacy
• How protection shows up when safety is missing
• Why not every relationship is meant to move to the deepest level
• How to reflect on where connection is strongest and where it feels limited
  

The six dimensions of the Relational Funnel are:

1. Physical — shared presence
2. Experiential — shared experience
3. Intellectual — shared thoughts, ideas, and opinions
4. Emotional — shared feelings, fears, and longings
5. Spiritual — shared meaning, values, and purpose
6. Aspirational — shared hopes, dreams, and future
   

This episode is for anyone who wants to better understand relational depth, emotional safety, connection, attachment, communication, spiritual formation, leadership health, marriage, family systems, and the patterns that help relationships move from protection toward connection.

View the Relational Funnel visual:
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/a237334b-8e7b-4c39-a748-589804f62337/downloads/1e079d42-19a4-4f4a-837c-629ec7f4a5c7/Relationa%20Funnel.png?ver=1786409540334

Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, and additional resources at:
trevorhislop.com