Dementia Caring with Kerry

Should you tell—or keep reminding—someone you love that they have dementia?

What if telling them the truth is making them more anxious, defensive, or frustrated instead of helping?

🧭 Check out the free Dementia Caregiver Compass:
https://www.kerrymills.com/dementia-caregiver-compass

🌿 For weekly emails, Kerry’s Corner blog, courses, and more dementia-care resources, visit:
https://www.kerrymills.com/

In this episode of Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way, Kerry explores a question many families wrestle with: Should I tell—or remind—my spouse or parent that they have dementia?

The answer isn’t always simply yes or no.

Kerry looks at some of the reasons we bring up the diagnosis in the first place. Maybe we’re trying to reassure them. Maybe we’ve always shared everything. Maybe we’re trying to explain why something needs to change—like driving, managing finances, medications, or accepting more help.

But Kerry invites us to consider a different question:

What is my motive for telling them—and how are they responding when I do?

Through practical examples and a real-life story from Kerry’s years working in assisted living, this episode explores why the same conversation can be comforting for one person and upsetting for another.

The goal isn’t to memorize another dementia-care rule. It’s to pause, understand what you’re trying to accomplish, notice how your person is responding, and let that help guide what you say next.

Dementia Caregiver Compass — Free
A practical guide to help you pause, look again, and choose your next step when dementia leaves you wondering what to do.
https://www.kerrymills.com/dementia-caregiver-compass

Dementia Caring with Kerry — The Family Course
Go beyond individual tips and better understand why these situations happen so you can respond with greater understanding, confidence, and compassion.
https://www.kerrymills.com/

A Better Way from Kerry — A Weekly Email Dose of Hope
Practical guidance, meaningful perspective, and encouragement for families navigating dementia.
https://www.kerrymills.com/

Kerry’s Corner
More thoughtful guidance on the questions that come up as you care for someone you love who has dementia.
https://www.kerrymills.com/

Kerry Mills
https://www.kerrymills.com/

Check out the free Dementia Caregiver Compass:
https://www.kerrymills.com/dementia-caregiver-compass

For weekly emails, Kerry’s Corner blog, courses, and more dementia-care resources, visit:
https://www.kerrymills.com/

Why does your spouse or parent with dementia sometimes seem perfectly fine around friends, family, or even the doctor—while you are seeing something very different at home?

In this episode of Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way, Kerry explores why both experiences can be true. Different relationships, environments, expectations, and roles can bring out very different parts of a person living with dementia.

Kerry also shares why the person doing the most day-to-day caregiving often sees the most vulnerable side—and why that does not mean you are doing something wrong.

The invitation is to trust what you are seeing while also staying curious about the people and situations that seem to bring out the best in the person you love.

Resources

🧭 The Dementia Caregiver Compass
A free practical guide to help you pause, look again, and find direction when you are unsure what to do next.
https://www.kerrymills.com/dementia-caregiver-compass

🌿 More from Kerry Mills
Sign up for A Better Way from Kerry — A Weekly Dose of Hope, read Kerry’s Corner, explore the Family Course, and find additional dementia-care resources at:
https://www.kerrymills.com/

Should you correct your spouse or parent with dementia when they get something wrong?

Sometimes accuracy matters. Sometimes it really doesn’t. And knowing the difference isn’t always as simple as following a rule.

In this episode of Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way, Kerry explores what can happen when correcting becomes a regular part of the relationship. Through real-life examples, including the story of Tony and Stella, she looks at how repeated correction can leave a person with dementia feeling dismissed, defeated, or even angry—and why their response may be one of the most important clues we have.

You’ll also hear how to approach situations where accurate information really does matter, such as a doctor’s appointment or medication, without losing sight of the person sitting beside you.

The goal isn’t to memorize a rule for every situation. It’s to better understand your person, recognize what matters in the moment, and respond in a way that protects dignity, connection, and the relationship you share.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

🧭 Dementia Caregiver Compass
When dementia leaves you wondering, “What do I do now?” the Dementia Caregiver Compass is a practical guide to help you pause, look again, and choose your next step with greater understanding and confidence.

Download your free Compass here: [Dementia Caregiver Compass]

🌿 Dementia Caring with Kerry — The Family Course
If you want to go beyond individual tips and better understand why these situations happen, Dementia Caring with Kerry was created to help spouses and adult children understand dementia more clearly and respond with greater confidence, compassion, and connection.

Learn more about the Family Course here: [Dementia Caring with Kerry — The Family Course]

Learn more about Kerry, dementia caregiving resources, coaching, and support at: [Kerry Mills]

What happens when someone you love with dementia tells you something that simply isn’t true?

It can feel like lying—and when it comes from your spouse or parent, that can be painful and even damaging to the relationship. But there may be more happening than you realize.

In this episode of Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way, Kerry explores why a person living with dementia may genuinely believe a version of events that doesn’t match what actually happened. Through real-life examples, she helps us look differently at what may be happening beneath the surface—and how curiosity, compassion, and understanding can change the way we respond.

Because when it seems like your person isn’t telling you the truth, they may be telling you what they believe to be the truth.

Is it ever okay to lie to your spouse when they have dementia?

In this episode of Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way, Kerry explores one of the most difficult questions spouses face in dementia care: what to do when telling the truth causes distress, but lying feels wrong.

Rather than offering a simple yes-or-no answer, Kerry looks at what is really at stake—trust, peace, and the relationship itself. Through real-life examples, she offers a different way to approach difficult conversations: one that recognizes the person’s emotions, adjusts how much information is shared, and helps preserve connection without losing sight of who you want to be as a spouse.

You’ll leave with one practical question to help you navigate these moments with greater clarity and confidence.

Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way
It Starts with a Belief

What do you believe is still possible after a dementia diagnosis?

Your beliefs shape what you notice, how you interpret what is happening, and how you respond to the person you love. Those responses can determine whether daily life becomes primarily about loss and limitation—or whether there is still room for purpose, dignity, participation, and connection.

In this first episode, dementia-care expert Kerry Mills explores the relationship between belief, perspective, and quality of life.

When a person repeats the same question, tries to leave the house, or struggles with something once familiar, it is easy to see only the problem. But the diagnosis has not erased the person.

The person walking away can still walk.
The person repeating a question can still communicate.
The person who needs assistance may still participate, contribute, connect, and experience purpose.

Seeing the ability does not erase the problem. It keeps the problem from erasing the person.

Kerry explains how focusing on remaining abilities can change the way families approach safety, independence, behavior, and everyday decisions. This is not about pretending dementia is easy or denying its real losses. It is about becoming curious enough to ask what else may be happening—and what might still be possible.

At the heart of this episode is an important question:

How can both of your lives continue to have meaning?

The person living with dementia should not disappear behind the diagnosis. And the person providing care should not disappear behind the role.

Your perspective may not change the diagnosis, but it can change your response. Your response can change the moment—and days are made up of a collection of moments.

00:00 Introduction to the power of beliefs in dementia care
01:05 How beliefs influence our thoughts and actions
02:02 What do you believe is possible after a dementia diagnosis?
03:18 How beliefs affect the way we see and treat loved ones
04:04 Challenging negative beliefs and noticing abilities
05:30 Balancing safety with quality of life
07:19 Seeing the person beyond the disease
09:39 Using curiosity to understand behaviors
11:30 Living each day with purpose
14:02 Creating shared purpose and mutual respect
17:13 The importance of perspective in caregiving

Dementia Caring with Kerry — A Better Way offers practical guidance, meaningful perspective, and hope for families navigating dementia.

Each episode explores one question, situation, or belief to help you better understand dementia, respond with greater confidence, and remain connected to the person you love.

Hope is not the result of dementia improving. Hope is discovering what remains possible despite dementia.

Learn more about Kerry Mills and Dementia Caring with Kerry:
https://kerrymills.com

I Care: A Handbook for Care Partners of People With Dementia
https://www.amazon.com/Care-Handbook-Partners-People-Dementia/dp/1452590737

Subscribe for practical dementia-care guidance and a more hopeful way of navigating life together.