DEMONS

I’ve been awake for days,

trying desperately to find a way

to get my body back right.

With every gag and dry heave

I lose a little piece of me.

Can’t keep on like this night after night.

I try my best to stay and give a comforting array

of words that won’t fuel all the garbage I feel every single day.

I try my best to savor every tiny little favor

where my body offers solace from feeling this way.

But when everything I do is wrong, is there a reason for me to go on?

When everything I do is wrong, I will leave.

I’ve been working months,

fighting with my demons

to try to get the help I need.

But every time I make a plan,

or think I’ve gotten the upper hand,

they swarm from the dark and destroy me.

I try my best to pray and give a comforting array

of words that won’t arouse suspicion with my friends and family.

I know that, in my dreams, I can conquer this disease,

but most days I’m losing hope that I will ever see that day.

But when everything I do is wrong, is there a reason for me to go on?

When everything I do is wrong, I will leave.

I’ve tried my best to stay and give a comforting array

of all support that I can offer to the new friends that I’ve made.

I’ve watched them all stay sober since two years ago, October,

and I find myself wondering, “Oh, why can’t that be me?”

But when everything I do is wrong, is there a reason for me to go on?

When everything I do is wrong, I’ll believe.