Coping with the holidays seems to be the thing most of us are doing, no matter how many times we are told it's "the most wonderful time of the year." The older I get, the more the responsibilities mount, the time seems to shorten, and the suffering around me becomes more apparent. This time of the year is actually quite hard for me. On one hand, I have quite magical hopes for the season. The reality of coping is another story.
Navigating this season with mental illness in yourself or a dependent family member can make for some absurdly stressful situations. How do we get through this season with our mental health intact?
Here are seven coping skills to help you "Rule the Yule" this year.
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Set Expectations
We have to set reasonable expectations for ourselves and those around us. The holidays can be absolutely magical for many people. There is so much to do and see. We have nostalgic memories of activities with loved ones, multiple holidays, and the media constantly reminding us of how important this time of year is. The problem is that there aren't any more hours in the day or days in the week. The amount of tasks increases exponentially, while the days stay the same, or feel even shorter due to the decreased sunlight hours.
Bottom line - we cannot expect to bake 300 cookies, host multiple parties, hand-make all the gifts, work a job, see all the people we want, account for weather and sickness and everything else and still maintain good self care.
Honor Boundaries
In line with setting expectations, is honoring boundaries. When we interact with so many people we may not normally interact with, we are going to end up with some uncomfortable situations. Without trying to amp ourselves up by obsessing, we can plan ahead and think about what boundaries might be pushed.
Does that one Aunt always want a hug and you really don’t? It’s okay to have a physical boundary with relatives. Need to avoid certain topics or behaviors that may come up? What are you comfortable with? Where do you draw the line? If you can, talk about these with a trusted friend or a therapist if you have one. Literally practice if you can. It may feel ridiculous but it can actually really help.
Receive graciously
Being on the receiving end of gifts can be hard. During this time of year, often people want to give, give, give. Gifts. Food. Even time. Often, what they are really trying to do is express love. We live in a society where expressing emotions outside of designated times, places, dates, volumes, etc is really shamed and looked at as odd. We often end up bottling or saving these emotions for later - I will show them how much I love them with this gift. We reserve our deep emotions for the “right” time. The holidays feels “right” for many people because we have societal permission. It may help if we can sift through the noise and see that generally, people give gifts as ways of connecting to loved ones.
If you’re in a position of need, it may be even harder. If you cant reciprocate in kind, it can bring up feelings of shame. That is not an easy position to be in. I want to remind you that you have far more to offer this world than material goods or services. You are valuable and worthy as the receiver.
Give generously
Now is the time of year that everyone seems to have a donation basket.
