Slowing down the practice of desire doesn’t mean more waiting. It means more juiciness, more insight, and more intimacy, with yourself and another.

In this episode, we introduce our five-stage desire framework: feeling/sensing, articulating, claiming, negotiating, and giving/receiving. We explore how lingering in the space between wanting and having opens up to realizing what we’re really craving, enjoying the rush of claiming your desire, and relishing in the exquisite ache of simply desiring, whether or not the desire is ever “met.”

Along the way, we also get into:

* How to start feeling sensation in your body (even if you’re disconnected)

* Working with taboo or shadow desires to find the “nutrient” you’re craving

* The power of claiming what you want out loud, even just to yourself

* Why receiving is actually one of the most generous acts you can give your partner

* Small time frames and safe words as tools for staying present

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your desire, ashamed of what you want, afraid of being rejected, or stuck in negotiations with a partner, this episode offers practical entry points and a fresh way of thinking about what desire is really for.

You can explore this framework, from sensing to claiming to receiving desires, at our yearly retreat, Temple of Yes.

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Chapter Timestamps

01:29 - What we’re talking about today: the five stages of desire

02:57 - Why desire makes a powerful North Star

05:40 - Stage 1: Feeling & sensing your desire

13:08 - Practical ways to start feeling your desire if that’s hard to do

16:10 - Stage 2: Articulating your desire

20:55 - Working with taboo desires to find what we’re really craving

23:56 - Stage 3: Claiming your desire

27:37 - Why and how to practice claiming your desire out loud (with a money example)

31:21 - The power of sitting with desire before acting on it

33:02 - Stage 4: Negotiating your desire

37:41 - How to meet a partner’s conflicting desire with curiosity

41:56 - Stage 5: Giving and receiving your desire

47:13 - Why you can always say no to something you asked for

49:54 - Where you can receive support to go deeper into your desire

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Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice.

We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.

Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:

- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more

- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence

- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries

- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners

- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…

Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com