If you’ve listened to the other 23 episodes of Diary, She Wrote, you may have picked up on some of my insecurities. These mainly centre around not feeling intelligent enough and not talking enough in social situations. After a therapy session and with the therapists comments in mind I read back over my time at school and it became obvious how year after year my school’s class rating system and some teachers' comments were no doubt partly responsible for installing my perception of my intelligence which in turn impacts my confidence when it comes to talking up in social situations. I had been aware of my insecurities all my life but they only really started to surface and to become a hindrance in my mid 30’s, so in order to try and figure out how to better deal with them I went to see said therapist.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Flossie, Ryan, Nina & Cara - London friends

Paula - My therapist

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Eric - A guy I dated

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

The last we heard from Dexter Turner was in November 2018 when I was in Paris for my 37th birthday, he rang and then looked into Eurostar tickets to see if he could afford to join me for a night. He didn’t, but of course that was never going to be the last time I heard from him...

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Dexter Turner - A guy who briefly entered and quickly exited my life on a number of occasions and unjustifiably has become one of those people who is hard to shake off and annoyingly someone I’m quite fond of.

Beth - My best mate

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Grace - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Hayley, Nina, Ryan, Jade, Tori, Monty - London friends

George - An amazing man who I dated for 3 months

Maya - A girl I met in a Club in Nottingham, had what I thought was a one night stand, but it turned into something a little more complicated.

Eric - A guy I dated

Isaac - A London friend and the first man I fancied after ending an 11 year relationship

Billie - A holiday fling

Entertainment References:

Barbican - Beatie Wolfe, From Red to Green - An Environmental Statement of our Times

https://www.barbican.org.uk/whats-on/2019/event/from-green-to-red

He’s Just Not That Into You

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He's_Just_Not_That_Into_You_(film)

Friends With Benefits

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friends_with_Benefits_(film)

Millennial Love Podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/millennial-love/id1286791385

Constellations

https://www.robertrowlandsmith.com/

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

I didn’t experience your standard university life, from 2000 - 2003 I went to a tiny little art college in Epsom, called The Surrey Institute of Art & Design to study Fashion Promotion & Illustration. There were probably only about 1,500 students on campus, no halls of residence, only student houses, the cafeteria doubled up as the student union bar and the opening of a new Yates & Wetherspoons was as exciting as it got. There were 2 locations you could loosely call a club, and then there was the Odeon cinema.

I found the first year very up and down. I am dramatically hating life one day and then loving it the next. For the most part I was jealous of my school friends living out the stereotypical student life in city centres like Leeds, Sheffield and Liverpool. I didn’t appreciate the new friendships I was building, as I was comparing 6-month friendships to ones that I had cultivated over 6 years and in my first year of uni I was obsessed with wanting to be friends with the group I deemed to be the popular & cool crowd. At school, everyone knew me, and I found it so difficult to suddenly be in a space where no one cared who I was.

I don’t have any student stories or endless drinking or constant partying. But what I will share are my coming of age experiences over my 3 years at uni; moving away from home for the first time, making new friends, learning how to self motivate, recognising my potential and finding a career focussed job in the industry I had aspired to work in since religiously watching The Clothes Show on TV every Sunday night as a teenager.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Beth - My best mate

Ashley, Ellie, Dawn, Sally, Harriet, Amber, Erica - Some of my oldest friends

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Locations:

The Surrey Institute of Art & Design - Now called

https://www.uca.ac.uk/life-at-uca/locations/epsom/

Odeon Epsom

https://www.odeon.co.uk/cinemas/epsom/

Wetherspoons Cheadle Hulme

https://www.greatukpubs.co.uk/kings-tap-cheadle-hulme?utm_source=google&utm_medium=local_seo_gmb&utm_content=website

Topshop Oxford Circus

https://www.businessoffashion.com/news/retail/topshops-flagship-oxford-street-store-up-for-sale

Entertainment References:

The Clothes Show

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Clothes_Show

Harry Potter 2001

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter_and_the_Philosopher's_Stone_(film)

Graduate Fashion Week

https://www.graduatefashionweek.com/

Helmet Newton Photo Machine

https://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/168/1/topshops-newton-machine

Topshop Unique LFW

https://www.vogue.com/fashion-shows/spring-2006-ready-to-wear/topshop-unique

Dazed and Confused

https://www.dazeddigital.com/

Twenty Twenty Podcast

https://messageheard.com/podcasts/twenty-twenty-pop-culture-podcast

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

This story is taken from a 7 month period from November 2018 - May 2019 and it follows 3 overlapping dating encounters with; Miles, Clive & tall Neil, all with very different and unexpected outcomes. Sometimes you get what you want out of dating, sometimes you don’t and sometimes you end up with a total surprise.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Miles - A guy I dated

Jack - An amazing man who I dated for 2 months

Elliot Lite - A Parisian fling

Clive - A guy I dated

Reggie - A guy I dated

George - An amazing man who I dated for 3 months

Tall Neil - A guy I dated

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Beth - My best mate

Morgan, Ned, Michelle & Heather - A London friend

Locations:

Victoria Park

https://www.towerhamlets.gov.uk/lgnl/leisure_and_culture/parks_and_open_spaces/victoria_park/victoria_park.aspx

100 Club

https://www.the100club.co.uk/

The Victoria

http://www.jaguarshoes.com/venues/the-victoria/

3 Compasses

https://www.3compasses.com/

The Spread Eagle

https://www.thespreadeaglelondon.co.uk/

Star by Hackney Downs

https://starbyhackneydowns.co.uk/

My Neighbours The Dumplings

https://www.myneighboursthedumplings.com/

Pembury Tavern

https://www.pemburytavern.co.uk/

The Good Egg

https://www.thegoodegg.co/

Entertainment References:

This Is England

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Is_England

Christian Marclay - The Clock

https://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/tate-modern/exhibition/christian-marclay-clock

Kate Tempest Running Upon The Wires

https://www.bloomsbury.com/us/running-upon-the-wires-9781635570199/

Free Solo

https://films.nationalgeographic.com/free-solo

It’s Nice To Hear You Podcast

https://www.itsnicetohearyou.com/

Cultural References:

5 languages of love; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Arthur Aron Theory of the 36 questions

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

Unfortunately during my 8 years of dating I have been confronted with 4 different uncomfortable encounters, one was with Maya from Ep. 2 - The Hope and one was with James from Ep. 13 - I’ve Changed My Mind. On both of those occasions I was put in uncomfortable and non consensual situations. In this episode I look at 2 stories that draw attention to the safety of women and the instinctual decisions we need to make in the moment when it comes to heterosexual dating.

At the time I was fresh into dating after a long term relationship with a very good man, so perhaps I was quite naive, always thinking I could bring out the best in someone and maybe a little bit vulnerable seeking and enjoying attention and quickly getting consumed in the moment. Fortunately neither of these stories were damaging, but I hope by sharing my experiences it will help others to recognise signs of discomfort, follow their instincts, create boundaries and have the confidence to leave difficult situations.

Tinder launched in 2012, and in the summer of 2013 I remember a friend telling me about this new dating app, and how brilliant it was. I was still a bit of a snob about online dating but eventually I caved and soon got sucked into the world of modern dating.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Stephen Minder - My first Tinder experience

Sam - A guy I dated

Beth - My best mate

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Heather, Jessica, Adina, Stephanie and Melissa - London friends

Frank - A Tinder match

Isaac - A London friend and the first man I fancied after ending an 11 year relationship

Locations:

Broadway Market

https://broadwaymarket.co.uk/

The Spurstowe Arms

http://www.thespurstowearms.com/

The Cock

https://www.facebook.com/CockTavernBrewPub/

Oslo

http://oslohackney.com/

The Haggerston

https://www.facebook.com/thehaggerston/

Pizza East

http://www.pizzaeast.com/

Entertainment References:

Tinder

https://tinder.com

Peaky Blinders

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peaky_Blinders_(TV_series)

Candy Crush

https://www.king.com/game/candycrush

Ariel Too Big To Fail

https://open.spotify.com/album/5vWp4E5iRzx8VEWmESUvl0

Refuge Charity:

Refuge

https://www.refuge.org.uk/

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

Throughout your life, every now and then, you meet someone who goes on to change your life. You’ll have heard me talk a lot about Rowan throughout the podcast. I met Rowan in 2012 and over the course of time she changed my life for the better and I am incredibly grateful. We worked together for a few years where our friendship began to form, but it was only when she moved on to a new job that we really started to bond and she invited me into her world and to meet her friends and I was welcomed by an amazing group of people who went on to help shape my next chapter; they make me laugh, they inspire me and I learn so much from them and I am always in a very happy place when I’m with them. Between 2015 - 2019 we would always rent a house in the country to celebrate New Year’s Eve. Each year it was never the exact same group of friends, as some would have work or have family commitments or might be celebrating elsewhere, but that meant we could then invite others which allowed us to continue to expand the friendship circle. I’ve picked out 2 of our New Year celebrations, and with it being New Year there are quite a few drug references in this episode, but for me this is a story about the love of friendship, creating shared memories and the joy of merging friends.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

Flossie, Jay, Cara, Walt, Anne, Ryan, Nina, Morgan, Adam, Chloe, Morgan, Tim, Dave, Mary - London friends

Locations:

Lumiere - now closed down

http://lumierelondon.blogspot.com/

Tywyn Wales

https://www.visitmidwales.co.uk/Tywyn-Tywyn/details/?dms=3&venue=1023165

Kings Lynn

https://www.visitwestnorfolk.com/places/kings-lynn/

Entertainment References:

Frozen

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_(2013_film)

12 Years a Slave

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_Years_a_Slave_(film)

Elf

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elf_(film)

Zootopia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zootopia

The Mannequin Challenge

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mannequin_Challenge

Ecstasy: The Battle of Rave

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p08qw04h

Beats

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beats_(2019_British_film)

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

In the 8 years I’ve been single I’ve had; many late night snogs, countless first dates, a few one night stands and occasionally just some really intense interactions. This episode is similar to the festival episode from series 2, rather than one overarching story, I’ve picked out a series of 8 short stories that involve a fleeting connection between me and one other person and somehow all made an impact in one way or another. I’ll share them in chronological order starting in 1994 with my first kiss.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Tim - My first kiss

Matt - My first date

Johnny - A one night stand

Julian - A guy I dated

Ian - A first date

Graham - A first date

Jimmy - My carpenter

Harry - A first date

Locations:

Stockport Cinema

http://cinematreasures.org/theaters/25390

Visions Video Bar - Now closed down

https://www.facebook.com/visionsvideodalston/

Clapton Hart

https://claptonhart.com/

Hunter S

http://www.thehunter-s-pub.co.uk/

Duke of Wellington

https://www.frontierpubs.co.uk/your-local/duke-of-wellington-dalston-pub/

Lambeth Country Show

https://lambethcountryshow.co.uk/

Entertainment References:

Oasis - Definitely Maybe

https://open.spotify.com/album/3LzKUdUTdJb6P7xGN6SotC

Blue - Parklife

https://open.spotify.com/album/0YS25Dr3hMtMFlVTfuvzl4

Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don't_Forget_Your_Toothbrush

Matilda

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_(1996_film)

The Handmaid’s Tale

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Handmaid's_Tale_(TV_series)

Get Birding Podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/get-birding/id1551111133

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

In this episode I share another modern dating story, looking at the excitement of meeting someone new, the confusion that comes with those first few dates; breaking down messages, interpreting gestures and trying to remember that we all communicate in very different ways.

Follow: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Reggie - A guy I dated

Paige, Chloe, John, Flossie, Faith, Cara - London friends

Grace - One of my best mates who I met in my single year

Beth - My best mate

Paula - My therapist

Jack - An amazing man who I dated for 2 months

Rowan - One of my best mates who I met in my single years

George - An amazing man who I dated for 3 months

Locations:

Springfield Park

https://hackney.gov.uk/springfield-park

Princess of Wales

https://www.princessofwalesclapton.co.uk/

Cafe Miami - Now closed down

https://www.facebook.com/cafemiamilondon/

Westbourne Pub

https://www.thewestbourne.com/

Giant Steps

http://www.giant--steps.com/

Jim’s Cafe

https://jimscafe.co.uk/

The Elderfield

https://www.theelderfield.co.uk/

Chatsworth Road

http://www.chatsworthroade5.co.uk/

Entertainment References:

Childish Gambino - This is America

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYOjWnS4cMY

Christo Barrel Exhibition

https://www.serpentinegalleries.org/whats-on/christo-and-jeanne-claude-barrels-and-mastaba-1958-2018/

Informer - Snow

https://open.spotify.com/track/2LjiPAQOVazT8sRyXL3XRs

The Sun and Her Flowers - Rupi Kaur

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35606560-the-sun-and-her-flowers

LOVE

https://www.netflix.com/title/80026506

In Good Company Podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/in-good-company/id1294215581

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth and artwork by Robbie Porter.

I had been captivated by Japan, perhaps since the early 2000’s when Bill Murray and Scarlette Johanson brought the delights of Tokyo to my attention via Lost In Translation. This was shortly followed by developing a curiosity in Japanese street style whilst studying Fashion Promotion and Illustration at university. Then as my interest in interiors started to develop, so did my interest in Japan’s calming and simplistic style, quite the contrast to the chaotic Japan I had first been presented with. Their juxtaposition of cultures was enchanting, but equally overwhelming and despite it being top of my holiday list for some time and being comfortable holidaying alone, when it came to Japan, I was waiting to meet someone, so I could enter and guide my way through what seemed like a bewildering other world with someone else's support. But then I thought fuck it, stop waiting, just go and it was the best solo holiday I could have hoped for.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Billie - A holiday fling

Locations:

Yogi Park, Tokyo

https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3034_002.html

Cat Street

https://www.japanvisitor.com/tokyo-area-guides/catstreettokyo

Opening Ceremony

https://www.openingceremony.com/en-gb/

City Shop

http://cityshop.tokyo/

Shibuya Crossing

https://www.lonelyplanet.com/japan/tokyo/attractions/shibuya-crossing/a/poi-sig/396831/356817

Fushimi Inari-taisha (Red Pillar Temple)

https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3915.html

Arashiyama Bamboo Grove

https://www.insidekyoto.com/arashiyama-bamboo-grove

Kinkakuji (Golden Pavilion)

https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3908.html

Kyoto Onsen

https://www.insidekyoto.com/kyotos-best-onsen-hot-spring-baths

Naoshima Island

https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e5475.html

Dans Le Noir

https://london.danslenoir.com/unusual-restaurant-in-london.html

Benesse House

https://benesse-artsite.jp/en/stay/benessehouse/

The Park Hyatt Plaza - The New York Bar

https://www.hyatt.com/en-US/hotel/japan/park-hyatt-tokyo/tyoph

Kaikaya By The Sea

http://www.kaikaya.com/

Oath

https://www.residentadvisor.net/club.aspx?id=16967

Mori Digital Museum

https://borderless.teamlab.art/

Cultural References:

Yayoi Kusama

http://yayoi-kusama.jp/e/information/

Entertainment References:

Lost In Translation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_in_Translation_(film)

Normal People

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_People

Greta Thunberg School Strike

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greta_Thunberg

Gwen Steffani - Harajuka Girls

https://open.spotify.com/album/3Lqn8M0QxPLIPRJ4nUKTGN?highlight=spotify:track:3L7P7HZVQ3wxzKoUyxaC9H

Lost In Tokyo

https://lostin.com/products/lost-in-tokyo

Katy Perry Roar

https://open.spotify.com/album/2bELFHKEF8yIDHMelNab2p

Pulp Common People

https://open.spotify.com/album/3ly9T2L4pqTZijFgQssd3x?highlight=spotify:track:2fXKyAyPrEa24c6PJyqznF

Snow Informer

https://open.spotify.com/track/2LjiPAQOVazT8sRyXL3XRs

Queen Don’t Stop Me Now

https://open.spotify.com/track/3lrNq7iGL5r3KS93YiKAbC

Pulp Fiction

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulp_Fiction

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth

I had always been turned on by the female body, when I masturbated and sometimes when I was having sex with a guy I would imagine I was with a woman. But I never knew if it was just a fantasy. I had one memory of being attracted to a female friend when I was 19 and then I dated Dan for 11 years. But at the age of 31, when I was single again I started to fancy another female friend, so I changed my dating app settings to include women so I could fully explore my desire.

Follow Instagram for more extracts from my Diaries: https://www.instagram.com/diaryshewrote/

Key Characters:

Dan - My ex boyfriend who I spent 11 years with from 2001 - 2012

Rachel - The first girl I fancied

Carrie - A friend

Susie, Sophie, Holly - Some of my oldest friends

Adina, Stephanie, Melissa, Heather, Patrick - London friends

Stephen Minder - An uncomfortable encounter before #metoo

Beth - My best mate

Adele - A one night stand

Locations:

Stories - Now closed

https://www.timeout.com/london/bars-and-pubs/stories

Pizza East

https://www.pizzaeast.com/

Chiltern Street Firehouse

http://www.chilternfirehouse.com/

Entertainment References:

The Strokes - Is This It

https://open.spotify.com/album/2k8KgmDp9oHrmu0MIj4XDE

Destiny’s Child - Survivor

https://open.spotify.com/album/2HcjLD0ButtKsQYqzoyOx9

Mariah Carey - Glitter

https://open.spotify.com/album/5fN9sJIh7mAXBsb3mvX7A1

Camp America

https://www.usasummercamp.com/

Tinder

https://tinder.com/?lang=en-GB

Burning Man

https://burningman.org/

Florence and The Machine

https://florenceandthemachine.net/

Happn

https://www.happn.com/en/

Diary, She Wrote was produced by Liz Beardsell in partnership with Bird Lime Media with original music by Ethan Illingworth