In this episode of Almost Grown Up, I’m asking the question I think a lot of us secretly wrestle with:

Did I already live the best version of my life—and what the hell do I do if I did?

Back in 2009, I was on fire. My wife and I were helping start a brand-new church. I was leading music, surrounded by a group of talented, passionate weirdos who felt like family. Every week was electric—playing music, recording albums in someone’s musty basement, building something from nothing. I felt seen. Needed. Fully alive.

And now?

I picked up my guitar the other day and couldn’t even hit the same notes. My voice cracked. I felt like a stranger in my own skin.

This episode is a deeply personal reflection on:

• Losing the intense emotional spark you used to have

• What it feels like to be mid all the time

• The grief of becoming someone new

• Why some of us confuse emotional maturity with disconnection

• Whether you can ever really “feel alive” again without going back

I also talk about why I started this podcast in the first place—and how small moments (like watching my daughter draw adventure maps) have slowly started to bring me back to life.

Whether you’re burnt out, numb, nostalgic, or just trying to figure out if you’ve “changed too much,” this one’s for you.

Stay till the end for a Caffeine & Coping segment about Stranger Things, breakfast rituals, and finding new meaning in old habits.