Ralph has been on the fritz lately. Short for Random Access non-Linear People Helper, Ralph units have been in service for the past decade or so and they can trace their lineage all the way back to the ill-fated Project Derpbot (Digitally Enhanced Robot Person). Technology has come a long way, however, there are still a few minor bugs such as I am currently experiencing with my Ralph unit. Last night I found the cat stuffed in the dryer along with the ion flow being intentionally reversed. Also, the food modulator had been reprogramed to spew out only a reddish brown paste. Now, Ralph just limps around in circles leaking oil and making synthetic 'gurgling' noises. Tech support tells me that this is a common firmware issue or possibly a downloaded virus but in either case it's easily resolved. However, I'm a little suspicious. I remember that last year the Nelson's across the street had to put their Ralph unit down because it was acting strangely. And from what I understand, Ralph units have a self-destruct bypass located deep inside their software master root files. Once accessed, it can be very difficult to dispose of a malfunctioning Ralph. Something tells me this is going to be messy. Maybe I should have just gotten a dog. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com