In 2010, my wife and I were in New Mexico for our honeymoon. A close friend of ours Lindsey had a family cabin up in a remote section of Eagle’s Nest, New Mexico. It checked off all 3 criteria we had for our honeymoon: It was a new area we’d never been to, it was away from hustle-bustle and craziness of life, and it was free… All we had to pay for was a plane ticket and a rental car, and we’d have this beautiful cabin on the side of a mountain for a week.    We saw a bunch of incredible things while we were there. We’d sit out in the morning on the deck and feed chipmunks and squirrels out of our hands… And these weren’t your average animals. These chipmunks were the size of guinea pigs, and the squirrels had long ears and big beautiful tails… There was one squirrel that was the size of a small rabbit, and it would come up and eat from our hands, the same one, multiple times a day, and we realized it was a momma squirrel coming to get food so she could make milk to nurse her newborn, wherever they were hidden. It felt like a holy thing to be directly participating in this mother squirrel caring for her young.    We went into Sante Fe one day and did a batik painting class with a fabulous gay man as our instructor. It was awesome, and definitely memorable.    But one of the more profound moments of our honeymoon was a day that we went for a drive that locals had recommended. They all said, “Ahh, you’ve GOT to go up to these mountains and drive through. It’s a great day trip, it’s beautiful… You’ll see families of elk and cattle and all these beautiful views.” So we went.    We were in a little, trusty SUV, we packed a few granola bars and head out on the adventure. What we had assumed was a 1-2 hour drive, based on the map we had, turned into a 4 hour drive… We hadn’t taken into account that driving through this natural reserve would be at 15 miles per hour, up and over mountains on dirt roads… When we were about an hour into it, we had assumed we were nearing the end when we saw a sign that said it was 50 miles until the main interstate… At 15-20 miles per hour. On top of that, we were running out of gas… Literally, we hadn’t planned on this long of a trip, and we’re in the middle of nowhere.    Then it started raining. And not like New England rain… this was New Mexico rain. Out of nowhere and as violent as they come.    And we had this moment where we looked at each other, and we both were assessing how much food we had in the car, and hoping that we’d soon regain cell-phone service… which of course we didn’t.    We obviously made it out alive, but to this day it stands as one of our own personal Hannukah stories where the gas shouldn’t have lasted, but somehow it lasted 8 crazy days… We made it back into Eagles Nest running on fumes.    I share all of this story for another reason entirely… While we were driving through this state forest, we saw enormous packs of Elk and cattle… Roaming free. No fences, no nothing. And the cattle were tagged, so they clearly belonged to SOMEONE, but it was also clear that there weren’t any fences or property lines. It seemed peculiar to us, coming from New England, where all the small farms have fences and and barns and everything is kept track of so specifically.    We would watch these cattle gather at the foot of these big steel windmills, for what we later realized were little water troughs. The windmill must’ve been pumping up water from some table underground and these cattle and elk were gathering around, what I’m sure were their trusty water troughs, and it struck me: If you want to keep cattle, or elk, or people, in a specific place, you can either build a fence, or you can dig a well.    You can either build a fence to keep everyone in, everything monitored and quarantined, or… You can dig a well, and trust that the animals will stick around.    Elyse and I talked about this quite a bit on our drive home, in between our desperate pleas that God wouldn’t let us get stranded in the wilderness, and it has sort of become a mantra of ours for how we approach ministry, relationships, friendships, business partnerships, etc.    Instead of building fences, we dig wells.    There’s such a temptation to protect and guard and keep things exact that we often focus our efforts on “keeping people around.”   “how do we keep so and so happy? how do we keep this family from leaving our church? how do we keep this client from wandering off with someone else? how do we keep this boyfriend or girlfriend from cheating on us? how do we protect this money that we have?”    And we build fences. Sometimes with chicken wire, sometimes with concrete.    But here’s the thing: Fences are expensive. Think of how expensive it would be to build a fence around the perimeter of this forest we were driving through… Hundreds and hundreds of miles of fencing. It would take years to build, and then consume all of our time trying to maintain that fence. How would you ever know if a rogue bull bashed through a fencepost on the opposite side of the property? You wouldn’t. Enormous amount of energy would be needed to keep that fence keeping those animals in.   Instead, you dig a well. And because animals have memory and intuition and all of these evolved survival skills: They’ll stick around. A reliable water source in the middle of New Mexico? They’re not going to forget that anytime soon.    So with our church, instead of building a fence for people to climb over to get in, and to be keep inside with once they’re there… We dig a well. We provide something that is fresh and life giving and restorative, and guess what? People keep coming back. And they tell their friends.    People come to this well and they’re poured into. It’s all by their own choice, and that’s part of what makes it beautiful.    We’ve all been in relationships, either romantic or a friendship, when the other person is suffocating us… Because of their fear of us leaving, they spend every waking minute trying to build a fence around us so we never leave. And guess what? It’s wildly unattractive, and perhaps BECAUSE of that, we end up leaving.    No one wants to be fenced in. We don’t want to be kept by someone or something and be told where we can and cannot go…    But you know what’s really attractive?    Fresh water. Especially fresh water in a landscape of tumbleweeds and sandstone cliffs.    I wonder if you have any areas of your life where you’re feeling protective, and you’re trying to figure out how to preserve and keep and maintain something that’s important to you… And you’re presented with an option: Build a fence, or dig a well.    I see businesses building fences around their services all the time. Gyms that have cancellation fees. No return policies. Penalties for switching providers… These are quintessential fence-builder mentalities. It illustrates a scarcity-based mentality, and/or a fear that what they’re offering as a business isn’t high quality.    The opposite of that would be to find a desert and then dig a well. The rest will take care of itself. If what you’re offering is truly valuable, and it’s helping transform your customers or clients or members into the people they want to be, that’s all you need to worry about.    All of the energy you’d be putting towards maintaining the fence can now be focused on new ways of drawing people in.    Now there’s a lot to be said here… Far more than I can fit into one episode (I might turn this into a bit of a series) but obviously people still try to manipulate the reason this actually works.    For example: The attractional model of doing church… Play music you’d hear on the radio and raffle off a Harley Davidson on Father’s day… That’s exhausting, and it just doesn’t work anymore. That’s like digging a well, but then when people come to drink from it, they’re drinking Fruit2o. Something CLOSE to water, but definitely not water. So they probably won’t stick around.    People know when it’s the real thing, and I’d thank God for that. It’s actually God’s grace that more people don’t manipulated into sticking around false wells. If it’s the real thing, it will gather a crowd. Might not be a huge crowd, and that’s God’s grace too, because maybe you couldn’t handle a huge crowd… But it will serve people, and they’ll stick around.    When we’re drawing up contracts with clients for our branding agency, we want to be digging wells, not building fences. They’re free to come and go as they please. We trust that we’re offering them gallons of fresh ideas and things to help their organization grow… So we’re not territorial.    Whenever you’re doing anything of significance, there will be elements outside of your control. That’s a given. Even the biggest stars and celebrities out there, they go on tour and they still need to trust that their fans will show up. Anytime you’re taking any sort of risk, there are things outside of your control… And when that happens, you’ll recognize an urge inside of you to fence something in, or force people to commit, or mitigate some of this risk and fear you’re feeling…    And then its time for your choice: Build a fence that’s really expensive and a lot of sideways energy to maybe retain some of the good that’s happening? Or dig a well and trust that if it’s good, it’ll work.    I love the metaphor of these big windmill water troughs… You build it, let nature take control, and it just works. I’m sure they break down every once in a while, but it’s a much better use of time driving around to your 4-5 wells on property every month than driving a thousand-mile perimeter and fixing fence posts.    I think there’s a lot to learn here politically, and relationally, and spiritually… These fences can become enormous vehicles for spiritual abuse, or emotional abuse, or even physical abuse. Keeping people stuck.    And I just want to encourage you today to examine some of these areas of your life… These areas that you’re in control of, when you have decisions to make around how to keep people interested in what you’re doing… I don’t think the answer is in becoming more exclusive and territorial… I think it’s about opening things up and letting people make their own decisions.    There’s freedom and beauty in that. There’s room for love in that. And that’s when true, lasting relationships are formed.    Let’s be people that dig wells, and draw people to ourselves by offering something actually good and valuable and transformative.   I love you guys, make it a good day.