Are you perfect? Could you be perfect if your life depended on it? For Domestic Violence survivors seeking safety, they are required by police, by lawyers, by courts, by their abuser to be…PERFECT. You cannot misstate, misremember, misquote. Show no emotion. Clinically describe to a stranger the pain, the fear, the torment that you experienced at the hands of the person you love. Then maybe, but only maybe, will our criminal and civil systems help you get to safety. Or, they will deny you a protective order and then alert your abuser that you sought safety.

Ashley Domm, our first guest on the Distasteful Conversations podcast, describes how victims of Domestic Violence are required to be perfect. She talks about the playbook of abusers – quick courtship, alcohol and/or drug abuse, infidelity – the “carousel” of an abusive relationship, realizing that what you are experiencing is abuse, the response of family and friends, barriers to a safe exit, and abuse after divorce.

In 70 minutes, we barely scratch the surface of how complex and nuanced abuse can be. Ashley bravely and with vulnerability helps us understand how abuse can happen gradually, and then all at once. Listen to her. Learn from her. Answer her call to help end domestic violence by:
- Believing survivors
- Educating yourself on domestic violence, its intricacies, and many forms
- Men, step up to hold one another accountable to end violence

Ashley is a graduate of Gettysburg College and holds degrees from Cooperstown Graduate Program and University of Sheffield. She serves as Head of Advancement and Chief Development Officer for Bread for the City. You can learn more about her work to help eradicate poverty in the DC area: https://breadforthecity.org/blog/dreaming-big-with-ashley-domm-our-new-chief-development-officer/.

Resources for victims in the DC area that helped Ashley:
- DC Safe: https://www.dcsafe.org/
- Early Stages: https://www.earlystagesdc.org/