The answer to this question may surprise or frustrate you. But I’m outlining how child support is often split and why, so you can stop worrying about it and shift your mindset. Remember that if you are blessed to make more money than your ex-spouse, it’s your privilege and responsibility to make sure your kids’ needs are taken care of.

You don’t get to decide how your ex spends the child support money; they get to spend it on how they deem appropriate. This may sound frustrating to you, but keep in mind a few things. Child support goes to the lower-income spouse. It varies by the state on how much child support is assigned to each spouse. In Texas, child support is calculated by percentage of income. In Utah, it’s calculated by how many overnights each parent has with the kids. If you and your ex have 50-50 custody with your kids, expenses don’t get cut in half just because your kids are only with you half the time. You still both each have to pay your whole rent or mortgage, utility bills, and you’ll have to have clothes and shoes and bedding for your kids at each house. Remember that if you are blessed to be making a lot more money than your ex, it’s your privilege and responsibility as a parent to make sure your kids are taken care of, no matter where they are. Decide to make paying child support and any additional needs your kids have, an honor to pay. Also remember that you’ll be paying your portion of medical expenses and such on top of child support; those types of expenses are not included in child support in Utah. That’s why Utah child support amounts are usually low in Utah. In many other states, that’s all rolled into child support, which makes those payments average higher. So just don’t worry about how your ex is spending the child support money, unless there are major issues like the kids don’t have heat or water when they’re there. But if your kid needs another pair of shoes to be comfortable, even if you think your spouse should have purchased them, just buy them and don’t worry about it.