How can we be happy? What if our happiness doesn’t depend on our spouse?

 

Back when I was first married, like 19 years ago, I didn’t have many friends. But Brandon did and would go out and play volleyball with me sitting at home all alone, pouting.  I didn’t understand why, if he loved me, wouldn’t he want to be with me all the time?

So you know what I would do when he got home? I’d get on to him about leaving me there all alone.

 

And guess what that caused? He went out more! Who would want to come home to an angry pouting wife!

 

I blamed my husband for not making me happy and heaped as much guilt on him as possible to try and manipulate the man to get him to be with me 24-7.

 

Now that’s a way to start a marriage off right!

 

Well, after a while I discovered my controlling ways seemed to backfire. So I tried the opposite. I tried mustering up all my joy to be kind when he got home. And that helped a lot. He wanted to be with me more and would even invite me to go with!

 

You would think that was the way to live in a marriage relationship and I should teach that tool to all my married friends. Well that sounds good too, but then I found other things that would trigger my insecurities. While doing good things produced good fruit in my life, it was all an act to get him to do something I wanted. And it was really hard learning how to try to please him all the time. It’s hard living a life of trying to hard please another. There are so many ups and downs!

 

Sometimes feeling like a great wife, and others the worst.

 

I was viewing my relationship with my husband much like my relationship with God.

 

I struggled to please God, trying all the tactics to earn his favor. I felt when I blew it, he’d discipline me some way that was very bad.

 

Romans 10:3 For they don’t understand God’s way of making people right with himself. Refusing to accept God’s way, they cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to keep the law. For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God. (New Living Translation)

 

When I found my relationship with God was not based on if I was good or bad that day, (clinging to my own way) I started to chill a little bit.  Learning that righteousness wasn’t based on my behavior I stopped trying so hard, and the fruit was peace.

 

In my marriage, learning my right standing with God, gave me a confidence to not be so needy of my husband, I found myself not needing my husband’s approval to be ok. I now rely on God to make me happy.

 

And we can all step into happiness because it’s only found in God. Happiness is not found in external things, or behavior of others. Happiness is found in knowing you are completely at peace with God.

 

I encourage you to seek peace with God and let Him fulfill your every need. Then you will get the fruit of peace in your relationships.