So I haven't done a video in about a week. And I haven't been feeling that good emotionally. I've been in some conflict and not really handling myself very well. And I let a lot of things build up over time and just wasn't me expressing myself throughout even though I can talk to myself. for hours and hours, sometimes I'm not the greatest at talking to others in terms of setting up certain boundaries. It could be my training as a peer, just wanting to be open and accepting a very thing specially considering that I have needed that from people at times. And a lot of different factors, but I'm, I'm learning about that. I don't feel happy. I had those couple of good days. And then I was taking some notes and stuff, and then I just haven't had a good week at all. And I think I'm really missing my family and my community. And not feeling I'm not feeling lonely. I don't know how I'm feeling I'm feeling like maybe I would rather be with my family and my community then in California. When before I left, I was thinking I think I'd rather be in California than with my family and community. And it could just be that I've maxed myself out. But it's not just that because I've been struggling here because of what I was talking about before having that mini crisis and having to take Seroquel so many of the days here. I've just been going through like a zombie and that's not how I thought I would have to go through my days here. I thought I would have at least six months until my next crisis and it was a total of something like a month. And then I was taking Seroquel and then I went to LA and did ecpr and so I started trying to take less Seroquel and then it was hard to get off the Seroquel. I went from full to have to try to go off of Seroquel completely. And the Hardy nutritionals people said those were too big of jumps. But now I've been on Seroquel. I'm taking a quarter now. So that would be seven, seven and a half milligrams. But I've been taking it go going on two months. And I think just the totality of everything, taking the circle for two months having that crisis and having to go through much of it by myself and just drop dragged myself through it. And now doing the hearty nutritional thing, which I'm guessing is going to make me feel in different ways at different times. And some stuffs gonna want to come out perhaps that has just been kept at bay by the medications. And also I'm used to interacting with people in the mental health community where there's a lot of understanding and care and all these different things. Whereas right now I'm in the real world, which doesn't necessarily have that context. And so instead of operating within an amongst that context and with people who understand that and who are going through similar things. So there's this mutual support by virtue of just going through it and not even really have having to say things and explain it. I feel like I almost have to explain myself somewhat. not totally, I just, I feel like I understand that I'm not in that context. So I have to be more wary because I could be. I could be misunderstood, or, I don't know, it's hard to explain, I don't know what I'm trying to say, but and just not having people that know me where other people back home, know me and I don't have to feel like I'm I feel kind of like things that I do could easily have more points against me than for me or something. Whereas in my community, I feel like, there's little chance of things going wrong. And if they do, it's not really going to affect anything, because I've been there quite a long time. People know me. I've supported people people have supported me, it's just very reciprocal and mutual. And I find just in talking to myself, now I've speaking a lot of the language of peer support. And so I like the way that kind of community is, is set up. I feel like here some people know about my diagnosis and label. So if I do struggle and voice things, then they could be interpreted as something t