Domitilla is a female name of Italian origin that means “tamed” or “little tame one.”

I am increasingly aware of the fact that a) American society is completely and utterly patriarchal b) we haven’t progressed as much as we have been led to believe and c) the amount of progress we have been led to believe has occurred is yet another patriarchal construct that must be illuminated and destroyed because that degree of progress has not actually occurred!

Part of my aversion to motherhood is the aspect of being a mom that requires being “tamed” in a way that is consuming, unique and severe. The data also supports this: women are far more likely to look after sick children or elders, spend more time on domestic [unpaid] work, and take on the emotional labor of parenting. Yet women are also frequently the ones managing not only childrearing household responsibilities, but are making money and managing household finances. So, in reality, today’s family structures are increasingly matriarchal, as in, controlled by women, yet men continue to enjoy the home field advantage pretty much across the board.

I came up with three reasons why the self-actualization (a.k.a “untaming”) of women threatens the patriarchy:

1. It threatens the dominant patriarchal narrative that women can and should and must be mothers
2. It threatens the socialized norm that women must “own” the majority of the emotional labor of parenting, while men are free to conveniently opt out when it doesn’t suit them
3. It threatens the exponential population growth of the human species

This episode explores these ideas and validates your intuitive assumption that motherhood, at the end of the day, can be a bad deal for women.