I’m literally done staying committed to things that no longer feel good.

That’s really the best way I can say it.

I had this revelation the other day because I realized I’ve been splitting myself between two identities. As I’ve shared before, by degree, I’m a marriage and family therapist. I took the national exam, failed it by one point, then created my own system, brought a classmate along with me, and we both passed. My second time, her fourth.

And for a while I kept thinking, I should probably put something together and teach other people how to pass this exam.

So that’s what I did.

I created this digital product, and when I tell you I put man hours into it, I mean man hours. Over 40 documents. Three different Google Sheets. I used NotebookLM to dissect the exam to a T. Then I went back through everything and cleaned it up because you know how Google Docs are just black ink on paper. I bulleted it, highlighted it, bolded it, made the tables colorful. There are so many gems in that product. Really, really good s**t in that product.

And because I believed in it, I was like, okay, I’m going to support it with YouTube videos.

But here’s the problem.

I was mentally checked out.

Burnt out.

I did not want to be teaching in that space. I didn’t want to get on camera and break down vignettes and teach scenarios and do all of that. I wanted to do my podcast. I wanted to grow my Substack. That’s where my heart is. That’s what energizes me. That’s what I actually want to do.

Instead, I kept grinding out content for the MFT stuff because I was trying to make the product work.

And the whole entire time I’m screaming inside, I do not want to do this anymore.

That was the part I had to stop skipping over.

Because I think sometimes we tell ourselves, no, just keep going. Be disciplined. Stay committed. Don’t quit.

But this wasn’t that.

This wasn’t me needing to push through something hard.This was me dragging something my soul was already done with.

And I could feel what it was doing to me.

I started resenting my desk. I didn’t even want to sit down and create. My daughter wasn’t getting much of my time. I’m gaining weight. I’m stressed. I thought I was out of survival mode, and here I am right back in survival mode trying to make this thing work.

And even while I was trying to have the “right mindset” about it, telling myself I want it to work but I don’t need it to work, the truth was still the truth.

I did not want to do that s**t anymore.

But it was hard to let it go because I kept thinking, what about the digital product? How are people going to know about it? I spent so much time on this s**t.

And that right there is the trap.

I stay committed too long to things that are no longer serving me.

When I finally made the decision and said, I’m not creating another video, I’m done, the weight that left me was immediate. Immediate.

And then I started looking back at my life and realized, damn, I do this a lot.

I do this with relationships. I stay way too long.I do this with friendships. I know when I’m giving more than I’m getting.I’ve done this with jobs.I’ve done this with whole identities.

Even when I was getting my associate’s degree in medical billing and coding, halfway through I already knew, I ain’t doing this. I don’t want to do this. This is not me.

But my dad had pushed it so much. Said it was a great field, good opportunity, all of that.

So what did I do?

Stayed committed.Finished the program.Accumulated the debt.Didn’t work one day in the field.

Because mentally, I had already checked out.

That’s the pattern.

And I had to really ask myself, why? Why do I feel like I have to stay committed to things and people when it’s time to let go?

A lot of that does go back to being adopted. Once I attach, I do attach hard. I don’t want to lose relationships. I don’t want the fallout. I don’t want to deal with what happens when I say enough is enough. There’s people pleasing in there. There’s fear in there. There’s that whole thing of worrying about other people’s emotional reactions to my decisions.

But if I’m honest, all that really means is I’ll abandon myself first.

That’s what hit me.

We think we’re holding on to avoid abandonment, but whole time we’re the one doing the abandoning. We abandon our own truth. We abandon what we actually feel. We abandon what our spirit is clearly saying. And then we wonder why we feel heavy, irritated, resistant, drained.

Of course we do.

My brain had learned: it does not matter how you feel, you’re going to keep doing this anyway.

That’s a horrible thing to teach yourself.

And I think that’s why flow felt unfamiliar to me for so long. Because I had ignored that feeling for so long, I didn’t even recognize it anymore. I didn’t know what it felt like when something actually fit. When something actually felt lighter.

But once I let go of the MFT stuff, I felt it.

And I’m not trying to make it all woo-woo and dramatic.

It wasn’t sunflowers and rainbows and s**t.

It was just that I felt lighter.I felt more relaxed.I felt less resistance.

That’s it.

And honestly, that’s enough.

Sometimes flow is not some huge spiritual fireworks moment. Sometimes it’s just that you breathe different. You walk different. You talk to your kids different. You wake up different. You go about your day different.

Small shift.But real.

And that’s why I wanted to talk about this, because I know I’m not the only one. I know somebody else gets exactly what I’m saying.

There are areas in your life where you already know.You already know the relationship is draining you.You already know the friendship is one-sided.You already know the job is sucking the life out of you.You already know the thing you keep calling discipline is actually self-betrayal.

And I’m not saying don’t stay committed.

I’m saying stay committed to your passion.Stay committed to what feels good.Stay committed to what brings you alive.Stay committed to the things that don’t make you resent your own life.

But stop staying committed to s**t that is clearly draining you emotionally just because you’re scared of what happens when you let go.

Because I really do believe that when we’re in flow, things come the way they’re supposed to. And when we’re in frustration, irritability, and resistance, we prolong what we actually want.

So yeah.

I’m done staying committed to things that no longer feel good. And I mean that s**t.

🩷

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if it made you pause or see yourself a little differently…

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