This morning, I find myself ruminating once again on the words of Charles Bukowski “We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us”. I have decided that I’m going into 2025 laughing like a madman. The world is chaos and the only thing we can control is ourselves. I am recklessly determined to find the good.

Social media has been an epic clusterfuck of hopelessness, abject ignorance, and plain old meanness for far too long now. We get stuck in this endless cycle of doom scrolling (or dopamine scrolling) and forget to come up for air. It’s rare when we take a moment to actually reflect on the culture that has been curated in our online spaces.

I get it. A lot of us rely on platforms like TikTok or Instagram to provide us with actual news that hasn’t been bought and paid for by the corporate dollar. It’s also the first point of contact for family, old friends, and community groups. While some have managed to swear off social media all together (and others never boarded ship to begin with), we must acknowledge that it can be an incredibly useful tool. Unfortunately, it’s also as lawless as an old western in many regards.

The government has fallen woefully short of even understanding online spaces, let alone regulating them. They’re about to throw TikTok under the bus with a ban in January, but disregard the same unethical practices when applied to platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. People just get away with being shitty to each other online: scamming, threats, name calling, stalking, harassment. Too many people just throw up their hands in defeat, what am I supposed to do about it? This is just the price of participating online. You knew the risks before you became a content creator. The list goes on.

But, go with me here, what if we actually do have some control? I’m not here to advocate for completely sanitizing social media or to imply that could even be done. I am here to chuckle maniacally at the odds. There is undeniable correlation between the chaotic state of affairs in our nation and our attitudes toward social media. You remember the old song 🎶 don’t rock the boat baby🎶 In our everyday lives, we adhere to that principal as gospel truth. We have been taught to zip our lips and look the other way when it comes to racism, sexism, heterosexism - basically all the isms.

I have worked for employers that simply wouldn’t hire a woman for certain jobs, paid men more for their work, and allowed employees to make subtly (and overtly) racist comments. I listened to my own dad crack tasteless jokes about gay people, fat people, and people of color. Too many of us have been taught to turn the other cheek, and let it slide. Good girls don’t speak up. They stay quiet - know their place. Well, I’m calling bullshit.

We teach other people how to treat us by what we are willing to tolerate. It’s not easy or comfortable to stand up, but nothing changes if nothing changes. This is equally true for online spaces. I am choosing to move away from platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok because I’m not ok with the constant barrage of inflammatory rhetoric and absolute lack of platform accountability and moderation (just Google Zuckerberg lawsuit it’s eye opening). There will never be a “perfect” platform, but we can choose where we reside and how we exist in those spaces. We can set boundaries and defend them fiercely.

Here are just a few suggestions for protecting your own peace and creating the change you want to see in collective online spaces:

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT feed the trolls. Yes, we can constructively disagree like civilized human beings, but trolls are not civilized and often, not even human (bots anyone?). Do not engage and if you must, call them out in as few words as possible while being clear about your boundaries: Not cool. I don’t tolerate this kind of behavior, keep it up and you will be blocked and reported.

Use the block button liberally. You have a block button for a reason, don’t be afraid to use it. Don’t give those assholes any of your headspace.

Use the report button liberally. If someone is just being a do-do head and arguing for the sake of being a blow hard, by all means just block them. If they are threatening you, bullying you, disseminating blatantly false or harmful information, or you are positive they are a bot, REPORT THEM. If you see them engaging in any of this behavior to others, REPORT THEM.

Do not let bad behavior stand. Apply numbers 1-3 in all applicable situations. No, you aren’t obligated to become a keyboard warrior policing every one’s comment sections. You should flex your boat rocking muscles when necessary though. The more we hold people to account for their actions, the less shitty behavior will be tolerated in general.

I hope you use these newfound permissions to defiantly kick down the door of 2025 determined to find the joy. This doesn’t require perpetual feelings of happiness, toxic positivity (or copious amounts of drugs). It does require the understanding and acceptance that we can’t control the chaos. The universe will universe and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. We can choose to not let this chaos define us. We can protect our boundaries, take less shit from the people around us, and seize every opportunity to live. Wear the unicorn horn headband, eat off of the good plates, commune with nature as often as possible, look up at the moon with childlike wonder, sing loudly in church even if it’s off key. Live so well, in every moment that you can, that death will tremble to take you.

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