You know how you don’t think something is possible for you and you talk yourself out of it before you even begin, before you even ask, before you even go? Yeah, well that’s negotiating against yourself. So many times we let self doubt and fear dictate our movements in life. I think we often times forget that the people that we are asking things of are just people just like us. And if you don’t ask, how will you know? If you don’t try how will you ever experience? There are people in the world who want to give in every way that there is to give. But if your hand is closed, how will you get fed?

I have a twin sister and we are a lot alike, but we’re also different in some ways. One of the ways in which we’re different is that she is fearless; always has been. She never had a cringe factor. She would always ask questions that I was too afraid to ask, she would always ask for things and try things that I was too afraid to do. As a kid, I always felt protective over her because I didn’t want anyone to hurt her feelings if she asked something that others may not have thought were worthy questions. She always wanted to do something or try something that I thought was silly. But only because I was just afraid of what others would think. I never wanted anyone to hurt her feelings so growing up, she was always the one who was fearless in her pursuit. I was always more reserved and quiet and was just afraid. Everything seemed cringe to me. I didn’t have a word for it then but that’s the word I would use, cringe. Which is really just EGO.

It took me a long time to realize that I was giving myself more credit than I deserved. People don’t really care, and not many of them even pay that close attention to you to even give you a second thought. My sister had the cheat code for being successful in life very early. Which is evident now with her beautiful, wonderful illustrious career as a celebrity hairstylist who has traveled to 20 different countries and raised a beautiful, magnificent son. And also shes just experienced some things that I have not experienced simply because I was scared.

It’s funny how you can be raised in the same household and have two different experiences. So we got the phrase. “Don’t negotiate against yourself. Let someone else tell you NO!” from my mother. That was her motto. My sister took that saying and ran with it. Me on the other hand; I stayed reserved and just afraid to go after things that I really wanted just out of fear of failure or rejection.

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So now we’re here and I’m in a place of asking. I explore new things. I introduce myself to new people. I start conversations with strangers. I inquire about things that I’m interested in and places that I wanna go and things that I wanna see. I am in a stage of finally going after the life that I desire.

It’s funny because my life for the last couple years have been marred with new places, new things, new surroundings. And if you looked at my life before 2022, you may think that I was going after all I desired when really I was just operating within my comfort zone and the life that I had up until that point was based on what I thought was possible. Now I’m living in a space where I desire what may seem impossible, but I know for sure to my core that everything is a possibility.

It’s possible because I believe it is. And now I’m ASKING for it all!

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